Thursday, February 11, 2016

The Legend of Wonder Woman #2

Don't worry, Fanboys with boners. Wonder Woman doesn't stay this age for long!

Rating: No change.

Are any fanboys even reading this? It's a Wonder Woman comic book written by a woman first put out digitally because...I don't know. I was going to say because DC Comics had no confidence in it but that's so far into my own speculation and bias toward digital only comic books that it's not even worth printing! Except now I've "printed" it. Digitally. Fuck you.

This seems to be DC publishing the story they believe a certain set of fans want to be canon. But then they call it "the legend" to obfuscate the veracity of the story! I think this falls into the Sarlacc of "eating your cake and also keeping it locked away in a glass case to stare at until you die".

It's also possible DC Comics believed the nonsense of the echo chamber's oft repeated bullshit about Wonder Woman's story being too complicated. Talk about a legend! That's almost as good a legend as the thing about the DC Cartooniverse being cancelled because girls liked it. Yes, yes. I know you've heard that repeated a billion times. I guess it's true then! Internet hotheads with no sources (or, and I'm being generous here, one source taken out of context or misinterpreted--probably willfully!--or not really having any evidence either) are the best news outlets around, especially when they strengthen your confirmation bias.

Look, if we're going to believe that Diane Nelson said all the things that everybody on the internet told us she said because they're all so fucking amazing at deconstructing comments without letting their own issues color the way they do that deconstructing, then yes. It's all true and this is DC trying to "uncomplicate" Wonder Woman's origin story. I mean, not that it was complex anyway which is why I think people have really gone out of their way to misunderstand what was being said. Wonder Woman was made from clay and then had sex with a crashed airline pilot and then spun around and was covered in an American-themed bathing suit! Easy peasy!

Oh, about that "Wonder Woman is tricky" bit from Nelson? I think the reaction to Nelson's statement that it would be tricky to get a Wonder Woman movie right proved that it would be tricky to get a Wonder Woman movie right. If just a one paragraph statement could earn this much wrath towards DC and Warner Brothers, imagine what would happen if they didn't get all the beats "right" in a Wonder Woman movie?! And, let's face it, Hollywood is going to fuck it up completely! That's the tricky part. Hollywood already knows they can't write a movie about a feminist superhero! I mean, sure, somebody can write one! But after it goes through committees and rewrites and all the management hands get in there to make sure it's a hit with the young men (because they're going to assume it's already going to be a hit with women because it has "woman" in the title!) and tits and ass it up while making sure the love story is the most prominent bit of the tale, there won't be anything feminist about it!

In conclusion, I think the internet made a mountain out of a molehill on the vague, pretty much made up "Wonder Woman's story is too complicated" story. On the other hand, I think the reaction to something that wasn't actually what the internet thought it was was spot on! They've given us a Superman movie where Superman doesn't seem to care about the people who die in the final battle. They're giving us a Superman/Batman movie where Superman and Batman fight instead of kiss romantically. So what should we expect from a Wonder Woman movie?! Probably You've Got Mail starring Steve Trevor and Diana Prince.

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