Justice League of America #9

Am I just now noticing that the Justice League logo sucks?

This morning I wrote a commentary on Arkham War #2 that I'd like to sincerely apologize for. It was so difficult to write that it caused a strange pain and severe self-loathing emanating from somewhere inside my being. It was all-encompassing and I couldn't really pinpoint why everything hurt so badly. But I think I might now believe in the concept of a soul because that feeling might be what people mean when they say "soul crushing!"

If you didn't read that commentary, nearly every sentence utilized the word "literally." Ugh. I live in Portland, Oregon and it seems like whenever I go out to a coffee shop or eat out in a restaurant or go on a naked bike ride, some asshole at a table near me (or on a bike nearby!) uses the word "literally" in every other sentence. And sometimes, like when I'm at a Drink and Draw, that person is with me at my table! At least then I can turn it into a drinking game because I'm already drinking!

Between this issue and last issue, we learned that the Justice League members were sucked into Deathstorm's version of Firestorm's Slash Fiction reality. But since Deathstorm doesn't go into that whole sharing space thing, Deathstorm's area seems to be based on Snuff Fiction. So that's the prison in which the Justice League seems to be incarcerated. Except for Stargirl who managed to escape at the end of last issue to find herself in the Washington DC of Earth 3 where she met, if I'm remembering correctly, the evil version of Martian Manhunter, Man Martianrescuer. But I can't remember which Forever Evil tie-in that takes place! [Because it wan't Stargirl, dumb dumb me of the past! It was Pandora!]

Anway, she seems fine at the beginning of this issue as Martian Manhunter continues to telepathically speak with her as he is followed by somebody who's silhouette looks like The Phantom Stranger. So it's probably a salesman. He ditches Simon Baz to enter the next room of the Cube and finds Madame Xanadu.

I just hope she's become interesting.

I'm not sure why melting glittery purple silly putty all over her hands and bosom makes her evil but I suppose I'll go with it. If saying phrases like "hearts of virgins" and "blood of innocents" makes you evil, I'd hate to know where I am on the continuum of Good and Evil.

Stargirl decides to reenter the prison and look for J'onn because she's tired of being backup. Doesn't she know having something to prove is the number one cause of deadly accidents? Something to prove is also the number one cause of experiencing flashbacks of your secret origin!

Watching cartoons of Yankee Poodle Dandy was her origin story?

After running into Aquaman mad with grief over all the ocean animals ever, Martian Manhunter feels that there is just one more prison left to visit. And it's...his own! Surprise! And the person following him was...himself! What a jerk. How do you fail reading your own mind? I guess when you spend so much time in other people's heads, you forget what being alone in your own head can feel like. When J'onn confronts his doppleganger, he does what any rational person would do: has sex with it.

Oh, I mean, he punches it! I guess J'onn isn't rational!

Stargirl makes it down to save J'onn from his evil twin (who may or may not be Earth 3 Martin Stein (he may or may not also be every other character ever!)) because she's full of youthful optimism. And no prison can contain youthful optimism! That's why you need special juvenile detention centers.

Once Stargirl escapes the Cube again, she winds up on Earth Regular (maybe I'll stop calling it Earth Prime after all of this time because of the connotations of that name with the Pre-Crisis Universe! (although maybe Earth Supreme would be better. Or Earth Grande? I'm taking suggestions here!)) all by herself with J'onn still inside of her head. But outside of her head are Deathstroke and a bunch of other Secrect Society of Super-Villain jerkoffs.

Justice League of America #9 Rating: No change. What did we learn from this issue that can help us understand Forever Evil better? I suppose we learned that Stargirl is immune to evil and will save everybody in the end. And she'll do it without sacrificing herself because she's one of the few characters immune to bad shit ever happening to her since she represents Geoff Johns' sister that died in the crash of (or attack on!) TWA Flight 800.