Green Arrow #25

I hope this issue finally reveals why such enmity exists between Green Arrow and Aquaman! Which has probably been forgotten by everybody except me.

I think Aquaman and Green Arrow dislike each other because they're the two heroes at the bottom of the totem pole. Aquaman probably defends his abilities by saying, "You think I'm worse than a jerk running around with a bow and arrow?! I have actual super-powers! I'm nigh invulnerable! Super strength! Nine inch cock! Come on!" And Green Arrow just has to point out that some guy is running around calling himself "Aquaman" when defending against the ridiculousness of his own career.

Although, if you want to get technical and be an Actually Nerd, Aquaman doesn't think of himself as Aquaman. But he's so stoic, you'd never know! If you call him Aquaman, he simply grunts and rolls his eyes and answers anyway. But if Mera is in the room, you'll never hear the end of it. "You better not fucking call my man "Aquaman!" You better show him some Goddamn respect! He's the fucking king of the seven seas, bitch. What are you the fucking king of? That's what I thought."

As you might expect, this issue begins six years ago during Zero Year. It's what I expected but then I rarely miss subtle clues by writers, artists, and graphic design elements on the covers of comic books. What I don't expect is for everybody else in the world to be as perceptive as I am. You might have missed it, but if you look at the cover again, you'll see it costs $3.99. That's the first clue that something is different about this month. That might cause you to examine the cover a bit more closely where you'll see a flock of bats fluttering above Green Arrow's head. And just above those bats in small print that you might have missed if you were paying as much attention as I'd expect the average person to pay a Green Arrow comic book cover, the words "Zero Year." What does it all mean? It means you're paying an extra dollar this month to learn what Oliver was up to six years ago.

As long as J.T. Krul wasn't writing him back then, I think this could be interesting.

I see Judd Winick's Zero Issue is still in Green Arrow's New 52 continuity. I guess some story elements had to be retained from the first four writer's attempts at this hero's reboot.

Oliver Green has just returned from a three year stint stranded on an island. It just happens that he reveals himself to Emerson the same weekend that The Riddler has shut down Gotham. Ollie mentions he was rescued by a Thai fishing boat. Or was he? My original theory was that he was rescued by Aquaman and their animosity toward each other stemmed from that somehow. And once I believe something, I never don't not believe it afterward! Unless that means I stop believing it which isn't what I meant. Perhaps I shouldn't use so many negatives next time I'm trying to not unexplain some non-inexplicable fact.

Another thing I stubbornly still believe: Harvest is Vampire Tim Drake from the future! I'm never letting that one go. I'm so right about that one.

Anyway, ignore those last few paragraphs. I probably should have deleted them but I'm a firm believer in transparency so I think anybody reading this should know that I suck at what I'm doing. I also firmly believe in padding out my commentaries with bullshit so that most responses to my work, at least from the internet, amounts to "TL;DR." Fucking internet. The next time you're having a conversation with somebody, respond to them with, "Too Verbose; Didn't Listen." Although I think most people passively respond this way anyway as they sit there mumbling "mmm hmm" to whoever is speaking while their attention is firmly on the phone in their hands. Sort of like what I'm doing to Green Arrow right now! I'm just ignoring the book so that I can ramble about bullshit I'm not even interested in rambling about! I'm simply avoiding having to listen to Green Arrow.

What I really wanted to talk about was Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. I think about this book often because some people's reaction to it drives me nuts. For the life of me, I can't understand how people can be offended by this book. Sure, there are the supposed adults who act completely childlike in their inability to even look at the word "nigger" no matter what the context because it just upsets their delicate sensibilities which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt how not racist they are because that word just turns their stomach and they can't even begin to even think about it at all ever even in intellectual discussions. What I don't get is people's condemnation and dislike of the character of Huck Finn. Do they expect him to be full of our own modern sensibilities about slavery and equality and human rights? Because Huck Finn is not a smart character. He is not an abolitionist. He is not a free thinker. He generally believes that society is trying to teach him the "moral" and "just" way to live life. He finds it a flaw within himself that he can't be "virtuous" and an "upstanding citizen." So what you have is a kid that escapes with a slave because it's a game to him. He eventually realizes Jim has feelings just as he does when Jim is hurt by Huck playing tricks on him. He becomes friends with this man while still believing that slavery is an acceptable institution because that's what he's been taught. So by the end of the novel when Huck has to trick Tom into helping Jim escape once again by turning it, once again, into a game, Huck isn't doing it because he believes slavery is wrong. He absolutely buys into what society has taught him and that it's wrong to help a slave escape. So where does that leave us? What are we to learn from that, if this kid isn't some great liberal forward-thinking abolitionist? Well, what we wind up with is a kid that is willing to condemn his soul to Hell for his friend. And that ending, that thought above all else, almost always brings me to tears when I think about this book. It's Huck's belief that he's going to Hell, that he's going against what is "right," that he's breaking the law and acting immoral that makes Huck's action so powerful. He cares about his friend's happiness and freedom more than his own soul at the end of the book. It would lose all of its power if Huck believed he were fighting a noble fight against the tyranny of the civilization that surrounded him. Huck must be a truly flawed character to make his decision mean so fucking much.

Another thing I was thinking was, "Where is the Age of Innocence fandom on Tumblr? Where are the Team Mays and Team Ellens? Why aren't people shipping Newland Archer with, well, I don't know with who! Gatsby?"

At this point, you might suspect I don't give a shit about Green Arrow. But you'd be wrong! I'm just distracted and hungry. I'll get back to the comic book now.

Oh yeah. Ollie's mom is in Gotham fighting vampires during a horrible earthquake while The Riddler shuts down the city and a storm blows in and Bane has taken over and everybody has escaped from Arkham and Batman is missing and whatever other tragedies constantly bubble to Gotham's surface.

Bodyguard Diggle is trying to keep Moira Queen safe but it's pretty much an impossible job since they're in Gotham. Especially since they're in Gotham before it was full of Batfamily vigilantes. Anyway, she's nabbed by some jerko (not Joker) in a gas mask. At least I think she is. I'm jumping to the conclusion that Diggle failed to protect her and she's going to wind up dying because I haven't seen any evidence of Moira in previous comics. Although I might have zoned out while reading previous references to her character.

Ollie sneaks into Gotham City through the sewers after taking a limo ride from the private airport where he arrived via the Queen Industries private jet. He doesn't want anybody to know he's alive yet because he hasn't had a chance to shave and who needs publicity photos of your mangy three years on an island face gracing the covers of every magazine in existence. He sure thinks a lot of himself, doesn't he? He's been gone for three years! I don't think anybody even remembers him.

I don't get the moth theme. Is it because he's annoying as fuck?

The arrow, surprisingly, isn't from Green Arrow. It's hard to tell since Sorrentino's panels generally have a limited color palette so that arrow could have been green. Instead, it's bat and was fired from a Batbow. Killer Mothman the Moth declares that Batman was his inspiration so right from Zero Year, we have evidence that Batman's existence has hurt Gotham more than it's helped. He inspired all of the wrong kinds of people! I think that's why Bruce Wayne had to get more involved with his city so that people who wore normal business suits could also be inspired to do normal, legal business things instead of taking shortcuts by wearing funny costumes and doing abnormal, illegal business things.

That arrow probably is from Green Arrow because we've run out of heroes that it possibly could be. Also it's, you know, green.

Batman and Green Arrow don't act civilly because why should they? Fuck acknowledging help from another person. That would be weak! Instead they bicker about territory and about saving asses and all the usual shit. At least they don't wind up fighting each other. Moira chooses to remain with Green Arrow as Batman carts off Killer Moth (who really needs to go back to the drawing board with his theme). She recognizes Green Arrow as her son probably because he began by calling her "Mo--". Also because why wouldn't she recognize her baby boy? Even with that disgusting beard full of island lice.

The story ends with Moira asking Ollie how he's alive and he says, "I don't know where to start." Then there's an image of him being kicked off of a cliff with lots and lots of red ink. I guess Andrea Sorrentino finally restocked on red ink after using it all up during his I, Vampire run. And the Next Blurb states that the secrets of the island will finally be revealed next issue! I bet it's Purgatory!

That story was short so there's a back-up story about Diggle and how he wound up helping Green Arrow. But he only helped Ollie for a year before Ollie brought in Roy Harper and everything fell apart because Roy Harper is fucking annoying. He's actually gotten a bit better and had one or two nice moments since Tynion took over Red Hood and the Outlaws. But he's really not been a very sympathetic or likable character at the hands of Scott Lobdell. So I can understand why Diggle left Team Arrow when that jerk was brought in. Anyway, Diggle gets this brief history since he was brought in at the end of last issue trying to get Clock King to help him take back Seattle from Richard Dragon, Master of Kung Fu, and whoever else is fucking up the city.

Green Arrow #25 Rating: No ranking. This felt too much like an annual to get any kind of rating assigned to it. An interlude. A way to pass the time. A month off to introduce Diggle. But at least Batman was in it for a couple of pages! Although I will rate my commentary: -5 Rankings! What was that shit? Where's the care? It's like the mind of whoever wrote it was somewhere else. Perhaps dick deep in the burrito they're dreaming of eating!