Wasn't Team 7 cancelled?
Whoever just snorted and scoffed, "What about The Punisher?" can eat S-H-I-T because Frank Castle is far from a normal person! My only hope is that one of the members of A.R.G.U.S. dies each issue.
I forget what ARGUS stands for! American Regiment Given Unforgiving Suppositories? Oh wait! I remember that it should be ARGUSH because it's Something Something Something Uniting Super Heroes! But what they're really doing is keeping their hundred Argussian eyes on the world!
I just glanced at the cover again and I already hate every member of this team.
The issue begins with some mysterious flaming hand speaking with somebody off-panel about how they're going to blind ARGUS's "all-seeing eye." Actually, they have one hundred eyes. But I guess he's riffing off the logo, so I shouldn't be such a didactic "actually" nerd. If Argus has 100 eyes, does that mean the team (which I was politely reminded on the first page is Advanced Research Group Uniting Superhumans which means I scored 30*% on that quiz!) is set up to have fifty members? I like that! I hope that's the way it is! That way there are fifty members that can be killed during this miniseries! Actually probably more like forty nine since Agent Gunn can't be killed in this series. He has to die in the pages of Vibe doing something heroic! And I don't think Amanda Waller counts. She's like the body of the beast. Mostly the dick.
On page two, the story continues six years ago with Steve Trevor crashing on Paradise Island. I already forgot that Steve Trevor was a member of ARGUS! And that must be his crazy ass grin on the cover. You know, that's the most personality I've seen out of him since The New 52 began!
I'm surprised that Wonder Woman's outfit is straight from Themyscira. I guess it's just a coincidence that it's got the American motif.
What rival organizations exist in the DC Universe that would want to fuck with ARGUS? The Blackhawks (aka the Blackrazors)? SHADE (Some Horrible Acronym Deemed Excellent)? Task Force X (although why would Waller want to blind her other group?)? Checkmate (who hasn't been seen in quite some time!)? AMMO (who?)? NOWHERE? I bet it's SHADE since SHADE and ARGUS were forming a cooperative investigative unit in the pages of Forever Evil. Or Trinity War. One of those.
Oh shut up! Who invited you to this comic book? I hate you!
Since The Crime Syndicate arrived and Steve Trevor woke up at the beginning of this comic book, The Secret Society of Super Villains has been busy killing every member of ARGUS they could find.
That's a bigger body count than I expected for one issue! But it doesn't count since none of the dead were introduced to the reader first! But that still leaves two dozen left to meet and mourn!
Here's a little flashback to lengthen the amount of pages until Steve Trevor is dead from a severe sword cut through the neck.
The Secret Origin of ARGUS!
After all of my Team 7 talk, I actually forgot that Slade and Steve worked together in that group. I suppose it's because Steve Trevor didn't actually get as much face time in that book as I thought he was going to get when it began. I think the creators forgot about him until Issue Nine or Ten. Which was too bad since it was cancelled at Issue Eight. So the fact that they once worked together means the fight lasts a little longer than I thought. Because they have to reminisce and shit.
I'm fairly certain Trevor's legs are tied up with two tails. So you know what that means! Snake penis!
And then Doctor Light's Light Ghost appears to haunt the remains of the ARGUS installation. I guess he wasn't as secure in Heaven as he seemed in the pages of The Phantom Stranger. But he gave away his light power in that comic book to give to his wife! I guess that means he's just using the normal ghost powers to haunt Candy and the other agents.
A.R.G.U.S. #1 Rating: I will begin this comic book between Justice League of America and Action Comics. It's much better than the current Action Comics but reminds me of Justice League of America because they both have Steve Trevor in them. I liked quite a few moments in this comic book which is good because I don't really care about ARGUS at all! Also Wonder Woman looked super cute. Is that the only important thing about Wonder Woman? That she looks super cute? Yes, probably.