Talon #12

Even splitting his time between Forever Evil and all of the Bat-titles and kicking Batwoman's ass, he still has time to drop by and bitchslap the fuck out of Talon. Bravissimo!

Last issue, I was incredibly bored. So let's see what happens this month!

The year is 1852. Horror has been seeing a therapist to talk through its issues with itself. Why does it thrive in the dark? Must it always be so? Is the darkness where Horror truly belongs? It really would like to move past the darkness since the darkness is awash in the afterbirth of Fear's becoming, and full of pollen from Terror's blooming. But Horror knows it belongs in the dark as well even though it longs for something more. It's full of ambition and no closet can hold it any longer! No longer will it be relegated to the cramped, musty spaces under the bed! It's tired of being imagined! It needs to show the world what it can do! Except it must be a lazy piece of shit because it's now 2013 and Horror has yet to make a name for itself.

Since Horror's story is such a bust, I guess we have to follow Batman and Talon as they search for the Court of Owls. I think they still need to save Casey's kid, Sarah. She's enrolled in Owl School which is the opposite of Bat School and a complete waste of time. Which makes it exactly like regular school!

Oh! The story about Horror was a metaphor for The Gotham Butcher!

Hey! Wake up! I've barely even gotten into the meat of this thing and you're already falling asleep?! Look, I don't want to have to read this comic book and try to write clever things about it. I really just want to sleep and eat and shit and masturbate and play Call of Duty. But sometimes, as adults, we have to do things we don't want to do. Like read comic books. I do like The Gotham Butcher though! But I don't want to see his backstory where he was too deranged for even the Court of Owls to handle. I feel like Tynion has given enough of that for us to understand the character. I don't need to keep being reminded that he's a monster!

The Court of Owls realizes they should probably never have given Felix Harmon another chance to walk the streets of Gotham. So they attempt to put him down by detonating the Liquid Nitrogen Bath Beads they stuffed into his head. When it doesn't work, they realize that maybe telling your slave monsters how you're keeping them in line isn't the best idea when your slave monsters are indestructible, immortal creatures that can perform brain surgery on themselves. Sure, they die a few times on the operating garbage bin. But that's what regeneration is for! Anyway, the Court of Owls has now lost control of yet another asset. I think it's about time The Court of Owls just went gently into that good night. Seriously. Even Dylan Thomas would agree on this one.

Casey is currently staying in Wayne Enterprises because that building hasn't had quite enough damage over the last few months.

Lucius Fox knows Casey because they're both BLiG (Black Living in Gotham). Unless it was because he knew her father since they were both big shot corporate electrical engineering wizards. It's probably whichever of those makes me sound less ignorant. Lucius is outfitting Casey with her own mechanical talon since The Gotham Butcher cost her an arm. Now she'll be part robot and Calvin is part corpse! It'll be hardest on their offspring who will probably be judged by the robots and the undead both when she grows up. They're such insular groups! Although maybe she's the Chosen One who will unite the Robots and the Undead!

Well, Lucius isn't as great an electrical engineering wizard as I thought! BliG it is! I wonder if he knows Bleak Michael too?

Batman arrives to let Calvin know that after Calvin finds The Gotham Butcher, Calvin needs to call Batman so Batman can take care of it. And then Calvin is going into retirement in a cryo-tube in Blackgate Prison. Batman should probably think twice about threatening people, especially escapadiliogolists. Now Calvin probably won't contact Batman at all when he finds The Gotham Butcher! Why should he?! Fuck Batman and his control issues! What a dick.

Meanwhile, Sebastian Clark and The Gotham Butcher have decided to team up to destroy Gotham City. And they shouldn't have to worry about Bane and his invasion of Gotham City because nobody knows where Bane or his island has gone. I guess Forever Evil is taking place in a pocket dimension! Earth 0.05, perhaps.

Talon #12 Rating: No change. I still don't care for Undead Calvin Rose but I do care for The Gotham Butcher! He's such a sweet teddy bear. Who else can burn 117 orphan children to death and still leave you laughing?