New Guardians #24

Time to finish Lights Out in one sitting so I don't forget any more of what's happening!

Relic has recently destroyed The Blue Lanterns' world and Oa. It was pretty hilarious. I think John Stewart and/or Hal Jordan have a plan. Maybe it was Kyle Rayner who had the plan. It probably wasn't Guy Gardner. I think he'll be all for his planet being destroyed since the Red Lanterns' world is a miserable pile of feces.

This issue begins with a bunch of impotent members of the Green Lantern Corps (and some of their impotent friends as well!) standing around on space rocks watching Oa explodiferate. Everyone moans and whines and denies evidence presented in grand fashion right in front of their eyes. They should really be more concerned with the charge left in their rings before they, too, wind up explodiferating.

Hal Jordan's worst plan ever? Probably not although "talking" and "Red Lanterns" don't really belong in the same solar system.

After Hal conceives his plan (or has he hatched it? Or did he do both, first his brain fucking itself to conceive the plan and then the plan hatching fully formed from his mouth?), the Lantern Corps Entities arrive. I don't know where they were going that caused them to stop by Oa to pick up Ion and then wander off again to return to where Oa once was. I don't think they're very good at planning routes for their errands. Perhaps it was just that Kyle Rayner arrived on Oa after the entities had been through because he's what they're looking for this time. Apparently the Entity Graveyard exists inside Kyle Rayner's chest. The only three entities that don't make an appearance are the Red, Yellow, and Black Entities. They must have decided they look cool and fascist together, so they ran off to make fearful angry dead babies.

The Entities possess Kyle's body so that they can run off and do whatever it is they need to do. It has nothing to do with the Corps or with Relic, so they (or He Who Is Many) teleport all non-essential personnel to Ysmault for that really dumb "let's talk with the Red Lanterns" plan Hal is so stoked about. Also, all non-essential personnel means everybody but Kyle.

Meanwhile John Stewart and all of the new recruits have their own plan: go talk with the Indigo Lanterns. That plan is possibly worse than Hal Jordan's!

John Stewart: "We need your help saving the universe!"
Indigo Lantern: "Nok nok nokkity nok nok nok."

At least the Red Lanterns have a pool that teaches its members how to stop being incomprehensible. And you know the Indigo Lanterns aren't speaking anything but nonsense since none of the rings ever translate what they say.

Has anybody stopped by to tell the Indigo Lanterns that they aren't going to be using their plan to stick Indigo Rings on the old Guardians' fingers? I suppose they're still busy making their Remorse Rings.

Kyle continues to struggle against the Entities' possession of his body. He can't do it alone but the Bohemian Guardians show up to help him get free. I can't begin to understand how the mind of a light entity works but apparently it works a lot like the mind of a super hero. In comic books, how much time is wasted on an annual basis by people declaring there is no time to explain and then end up battling the person that needs the explanation? Hasn't anyone figured out that it takes less time to tell people your plan than to beat them to a pulp? I can't be too mad at these weird light beings because, in their defense, teleporting Hal and his crew to Ysmault took nearly no time while explaining something to Hal would probably have taken a full college semester.

The Bohemian Guardians attack the Entities in outer space while Kyle attacks them from behind in inner space.

His attack plan is to ask philosophical questions that are unanswerable because they make no sense anyway. Why would somebody fight an ocean? I suppose if the ocean is hitting on your spouse and being highly crude and inappropriate. But how often does that happen?

Kyle's answer to his own question is that you don't fight oceans. Good answer, right? Now wait. He continues with "You let them fight each other." Is that why the surf at the beach is so violent? Because it's the Pacific fighting with the Indian and the Arctic fighting with the Atlantic and the Southern Ocean going, "No! Wait! Stop! Why must we fight?!" That makes sense.

Kyle also comes to another conclusion about fighting oceans! Instead of fighting them, you should probably just go with the flow and let them decide what to do! Because paddling in an ocean is like kick boxing on the sun! I mean, it doesn't get you anywhere!

You know, if only Relic had allowed the information to go both ways when he had Kyle trapped inside his own mind, this whole dispute could have been resolved immediately!

New Guardians #24 Rating: No change. You know, if characters in comic books decided to use communication as their first method of conflict resolution, far more would get accomplished. Sure, people might expect comic books with less throat punching to not be as exciting. But I have a feeling if everybody just sat in a room and shared their feelings and their desires, it would be just as interesting and exciting as people in skin-tight costumes punching each other in the tits. Okay, maybe not as exciting. Perhaps if their conflict resolution caucuses were conducted in the nude that would make up for the lack of curb stomping.