Look out, Jim Gordon! It's Zero Year! You'd better make it fucking exciting, you boring non-powered authoritarian fuckbag.
Actually, most of the people I follow on Tumblr I follow because they're completely different than me. I can live vicariously through a completely different life experience. I suppose "SeeThisThroat" probably offers something different but it's just not, for some reason, tickling my curiosity. You know what I mean.
Six years ago, Jim Gordon was about to die. But then he didn't. He lived instead! This made Jim Gordon angry! But happy too! He was angry at the men that tried to kill him not because he had lived! He was happy that he had lived even though some men had just tried to kill him! Those men were crooked cops and the year was Zero Year! For some reason!
Jim Gordon climbed from the river where he had been tossed like a sack of kittens and said, "This must be Zero Year! I will fight for justice and the American Way and possibly truth although what is truth, really? I mean, it depends on your experience and your perspective and whether or not you were force-fed a whole bunch of religious pablum as you were growing up as opposed to being allowed to watch Bill Nye and Beakman on Saturday Mornings." He then dusted the river water off of his trenchcoat and walked away to visit the emergency room because he just fell like five million feet into the water and he must have at least ruptured a testicle or something.
What is wrong with you, Jim Gordon? Stop worrying about the weather and get to a hospital already!
Instead of obsessing over the fact that he somehow survived his fall from the Trigate Bridge, praising God and miracles and Baby Jesuses and, possibly, Allah, Jim Gordon decides to have a nice long reminisce. He remembers things that happened in the past week like when The Black Mask Gang appeared on the scene. Jim and his partner, Francis Laney, arrived too late at one of the Black Mask Crime Scenes. Laney said, "Shucks! We lost 'em!" And Jim said, "We could have found them if you weren't so stupid!" And Laney said, "Duh!" And Jim said, "And sloppy!" And Laney said, "Whoops!" And Jim said, "And crooked!" And Laney said, "I'll kill you, Jim Gordon. I. Will. Kill. You." And Jim said, "Umm, what?" And Laney said, "Pretend I Narration Boxed that!" And Jim said, "Okay! Let's go get some coffee, partner!"
Or something like that. Sometimes what my eyes pick up winds up radically different after being processed by my brain. My fingers don't help either. They often type shit that even my brain didn't tell them to. Little fuckers.
Once Jim got back to Headquarters, he began going through the Employment Opportunity ads in The Daily Planet. But he knows they'd never hire a Gotham City police man. He'd have to assume a secret identity and leave his whole life behind him. So he decides to get his ass working on cleaning up Gotham. If only he had a superhero pal to help him out!
Amazing Detective work, Jim! "All the robberies took place near a McDonald's! I think I know the culprit and I'm going to question the clown immediately!" And just because he's right (about Roman, not about the clown!), it doesn't make it good detective work!
Meanwhile, six years ago, Harvey Bullock was not fat.
Gordon keeps pressing his investigation so Commissioner Loeb sets Gordon up with the man that will eventually throw him off of a bridge to keep Gordon from discovering the truth. That's good police work! But Gordon is the master of police work! He gets played for a full week by Henshaw (the cop killer!) so that Gordon can get lots of evidence against him and the Black Mask. And then, just like he planned, he survives being thrown off of a bridge so that he has the final nail in the corpse casket against Henshaw and the other crooked cops working for The Black Mask.
Jesus. How is Blackgate Prison full of prisoners if nobody can be fucking arrested in this city?
Eventually Jim becomes Commissioner and Bullock begins smoking and eating Popeyes way too much. Although is that a thing? Can you actually eat Popeyes way too much? I mean, I could probably live on their biscuits alone. How do they turn butter into the consistency of bread?! Fucking warlocks.
The back-up story sets the stage for more Man-Bat stories to come. Boo! Hiss! Bah! Lame! Man-bat sucks!
Detective Comics #25 Rating: +2 Ranking. I tend to think I read comic books for super hero stories. But as long as I get a really nice character driven piece, or a well-thought out study of a current character, I'm more than happy. This was a sexy look into Jim Gordon's past. And it included some surprise Bullock shots for the Bullock Fandom out there. Does that exist? Is that a thing?