Thursday, November 28, 2013

Nightwing #25

Dick's first gang: The Guttercats!

Let's get the Thanksgiving crap out of the way first: I am thankful for nothing. Fuck off.

The issue begins with Dick watching the Swordwalkers movie with a bunch of panicky assholes. Wasn't the Swordwalkers video game the game that Nightwing was going to spend all day playing with Damian but then Damian went and had his heart pierced which wound up being less cool than it may have sounded? Anyway, the power goes out and somebody yells "Free Cheese!" or something and everybody stampedes for the exits. Dick is trampled into a flashback but the injury isn't that severe because the flashback is only to three hours ago.

I think Dick's mom's outfit was Nightwing's original costume.

Dick hits the McTwist of trapeze artists with a Quadruple and the crowd goes wild and everybody loves him and all the circus freaks chant for him. The only people that aren't happy about his success are the other trapeze artists. Fuck you, you selfish pricks! If you want the fucking glory, learn to Quadruple yourselves! I suppose he was supposed to get off the trapeze and say, "I couldn't have done it without you guys!" and then stuck his tongue up each of their asses?

I don't think they do respect you, Dick! Fuck them! They're just going to turn on you in six years anyway!

Raymond and Raya should be thanking Dick Grayson every single day for the huge crowds he draws to the circus. Do they think anybody is actually coming out to see animals mistreated and clowns full of self-loathing? They want to see Dick Grayson's ass in tights! As soon as Dick Grayson walks away from Haly's, the circus is going to have to resort to demon worship and contracts to kill. I suppose right now they're relying on Owl money but even if they are, you still have Dick Grayson to thank for the Owl's interest in Haly's Circus anyway!

Meanwhile at Gotham Central where they cure the sick and create monsters, Helzinger's surgery takes an expected turn.

Since super villains generally get their monikers from nicknames given by other people, Helzinger must mishear the doctor as saying, "He's Amygdala!"

Dick wakes up in the theater among a few teenagers that had pulled him out from under the crowd when he was trampled. One of the teenagers is originally from Metropolis but her father moved the family to Gotham. Somebody should call Child Protective Services on that man. The lead kid's name is CJ and he's really good at picking locks so that probably tells someone other than me who this kid grows up to be. Maybe it's Catwoman's long lost brother!

Eventually, the kids wind up being chased by Amygdala because he hates little people. They find themselves trapped in an abandoned house with Amygdala banging on the doors to get in. But one of the kids hurt his leg and can't walk because that's just the kind of wacky thing that happens when you're being chased by a murderer.

I don't know who CJ is but he's apparently an asshole. And there are so many assholes in Gotham that could be his father! It's just too hard to choose.

CJ ditches everybody but Dick stays behind to help the other kids and then to lead Amygdala back to CJ so that CJ can almost be killed and Dick can save his life. Raymond and Raya and Dick's parents were right. Dick Grayson is a fucking showoff.

CJ's dad winds up being Mob Boss Sal Maroni. He becomes very thankful to Haly the Circus Owner which is always trouble. You really don't want a Mob Boss taking any interest in you at all, good or bad.

Dick comes up with a plan to win back the hearts of his friends at the expense of Haly's Circus's revenue.

Raya and Raymond are really going to feel like shit when Dick still gets all the acclaim even when they're all up there, in masks and anonymous, simply because he's so much better than they are.

Nightwing #25 Rating: No change. Another higher cost Zero Year issue that was boring. We learned that Dick Grayson is willing to play a support role and forgo the spotlight! Also, he never leaves people behind when there is a lady to impress. Also he loves to show up assholes by saving their lives and then expecting nothing in return. Dick Grayson! Totally living up to his first name! In a good way!

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