Larfleeze #4

Meet the Orange Lantern Corps! Pharaoh Nanotoknonnen! Senor Bonespur Sideburns! Glomulus! Giant Space Tapeworm! Noface Korean Ghost Monster!

Last issue Larfleeze's Orange Lantern Corps became real boys. But there were strings attached to their renewed physical manifestations: they must kill Larfleeze. Hopefully they'll try for a few pages and then everybody will settle down and work out a contract to keep the gang together.

See? They're already negotiating terms!

Larfleeze blames his trouble on The Wanderer because she's a woman and women are troublemakers. At least, that's what you think at the beginning of the song and then you slowly realize, after you've cut your foot on a pop top, that you're actually to blame for your own troubles. So you gorge on lobster and margaritas and get a new tattoo of a salt shaker and learn to live on the beach as a gigantic failure. Maybe later you'll get a job as a merchant marine and sail around dreaming of eating a cheeseburger. But first you have to work out your issues with women. Which somehow explains why Larfleeze needs to hunt down The Wanderer. Oh, also she's stolen his butler, so he probably wants that back. You all know Larfleeze's philosophy about possessions, right? "Mine, mine, mine!" is how it goes. I might be misquoting him.

Pulsar and The Wanderer visit the Village of Sad Victorian Robots. Unless they're Edwardian Robots. Possibly Robespierrian?

The reason the robots are so sad isn't because they've stolen the children and their shiny toy guns. They're sad because The Wanderer's sister Dyrge moved in next door. I don't want to jump to any conclusions but isn't that a little racist of the robots? Are they worried about their property values because an emo God of Emo shuffled into town, slump shouldered and mumbling about the futility of life, and bought the house next door? I get it. She's covered her house in barbed wire and depression. It doesn't scream "Great Neighborhood to Move Your Robot Kids Into!" anymore. But it's just one house! And even though I'm not a fan of Homeowner's Associations, I imagine the robots could have been a little more proactive to prevent their neighborhood from being overrun by pouting demigods. Come on, Robots! Climb out of your Victorian Era mindset and get into the future! Embrace diversity and change! Put away your steam powered tears and buck the fuck up! Look at it as a new adventure with a new friend and not as an invasion of The Other bound to turn your robot kids into sexual deviants and lower the property values of your robot houses with the constant, God-Awful loud crying, weeping, and moaning that never ceases.

Did I miss the issues where Pulsar displayed these qualities? So far in all of my Larfleeze comics, he's only managed constant pouting and whiny backtalk!

And then The Wanderer introduces Pulsar to Dyrge.

After seeing the pile of robot bodies in Dyrge's parlour, I kind of see the robot's side of things now. But you know, serial killers have to live somewhere.

Back to the fight between Larfleeze and the Orange Lanterns, the Orange Lanterns defeat Larfleeze. But then, because they're all selfish bastards under the influence of the Light of Avarice, they argue amongst themselves about who gets to deal the killing blow. But that's when they realize Larfleeze has become the Orange Light's Power Source and if they kill him, they'll lose their powers too. I don't know how they recharge the rings though. I mean, I think I do and I think I finally understand goat.se! He's just trying to recharge his ring!

So the newly free Orange Lantern Corps bind up Larfleeze and fly away to live lives of their own choosing without Larfleeze's influence. Which means they all choose to live a life where they torture Larfleeze incessantly. Good choice, morons! You're still allowing him to have power over you!

Larfleeze #4 Rating: +2 Ranking. I haven't really liked this comic. Possibly because I allowed my hopes to get too high before being supremely disappointed by its lackluster and trite comedy. But this issue has things moving and I think I'm going to like Dyrge and her crying robot town. I already like those things so I think I'll like them more later! That's how liking things is supposed to work! That's good advice from me and you should remember it next time you're in a relationship and you find yourself liking your partner a little less every day because that's not how like works. So don't listen to the people that say relationships take work! Listen to me saying like is supposed to grow and not diminish! If it's diminishing, stop wasting your time! You obviously don't like that person! That advice also works for comic books!