Justice League Dark #6

Xanadu brought them together. Destiny had no hand in it!

Last issue completed the June Moone story arc. Xanadu separated June from The Enchantress so that The Enchantress would wind up destroying the world if the Magic Justice League didn't form. Well, Deadman, Zatanna, Constantine, Shade, and the Seizure Guy came together and solved the problem. But they decided not to stay together and it made Xanadu cry. I'm guessing some other disaster will bring them together again until it sticks. Maybe that disaster will begin this issue!

Constantine has set the city of London ablaze because of some scam he was trying to pull with a bunch of bankers. He tried to summon a demon that would make them rich like that episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with the kid from Home Improvement who was going to sacrifice Cassandra, the girl who knew she was going to die, to summon a demon that would make them rich! But Constantine didn't have a Buffy around to kill the demons and now London is burning.

Deadman and Zatanna are hanging around not helping. They seem to be their for "I Told You So"s and lectures.

Well, excuse the bloody fuck out of John! Ew. Bloody fuck.

During whatever this chaos is that Constantine created, Zatanna has cast a backwards spell that is stuck in some kind of infinite loop and creating skinless zombie things that have been chasing her in-between her lecturing Constantine. They finally catch up with her and shove a whole bunch of fingers into her mouth so that she can't say any spells. They might stick her fingers in her other orifices as well. Why not? You can never be too safe! I'm pretty sure I once knew a witch that could cast spells with her vagina. At the very least, she could hypnotize with it.

Shade is off somewhere trying to recreate Kathy George with his M-Vest and his memory. At some point, I'm going to reread Shade the Changing Man so I can remember what happened to Kathy. It's possible she was dead throughout the entire run of Shade the Changing Man, killed by Troy Grenzer (Was that his name? I can't believe I remember his name if that's his name!) at the very beginning and only kept alive by Shade's M-Vest. It's been a long time since I reread that series. Long overdue. Oh, and how is Shade's recreation of Kathy going?

Yeah. Not so well.

It turns out these are just the nightmares of the Magic Justice League members. Constantine losing control. Zatanna being chased by something she set loose long ago. Shade's loneliness and desperate need. And Deadman has been having hallucinations that he's killed Dove. He believes the problem with his mind stems from his trying to possess the dangerous mind of John Constantine. The four of them end up running into each other at Madame Xanadu's place in search of some help. Sounds like a certain fortune teller might be causing these nightmares to drive the mages back to her side.

I wonder how she knows so much? Oh yeah! She's a manipulative barn owl! And by barn owl, I mean cunt. But I didn't want to sound misogynistic.

The monster woman that was supposed to be Kathy George that was also supposed to be a dream attacks them at that moment. See? You can see her root-like hairs in the lower right of the scanned panel. She's angry and sad that Shade has left her without giving her a proper name. And Shade doesn't know how to fight back because this creature still represents the woman he loves. Zatanna's backwards magic fails so Deadman takes control of Shade and attacks it. The creature, unable to destroy the M-vest which created it, destroys itself instead. And Xanadu's apartment.

After the battle, Xanadu continues her explanation.

Seriously, guys? You're going to listen to a woman that was fucking Etrigan?

Zatanna has worked with the Justice League before, so she's used to being a part of a team. And Deadman is kind of forced to work with other people all of the time. Madame Xanadu is working with another team right now in Demon Knights although that's about 1000 years in the past. I guess if you count Kathy, Lenny, Pandora, and, um, Pygmalion? (Forgive me if I, once again, have gotten these Shade the Changing Man characters names all wrong) as teammates, then Shade has also worked with a team. Constantine does whatever he feels he has to do, so I figure he'd at least be curious enough to see where all of this goes. The only problem is each one of them is used to being the only magic-user of the group. At least they all attack problems in various ways, so the group is actually quite diverse (like the Challengers of the Unknown! Ha ha!). I'll buy the premise that they'll all decide to form a group simply because I want to read this comic where they work as a team!

After this informative little meeting, Xanadu collapses with a vision.

House of Secrets Cain?! He's a vampire! Yeah, yeah. I bet he's not the House of Secrets Cain but I bet they try to make him the Biblical Cain anyway which would make him the House of Secrets Cain! And I guess I need to switch over to read I, Vampire now!

Justice League Dark #6 Rating: No change. This story was mostly an epilogue to the last five issues. Getting this team together was never going to have an easily believed reason but Milligan has done a good job of at least making them drag their feet while agreeing to the team. And I want to read a comic book with Shade and Constantine together, so I'll swallow any reason to get them together! Even if that reason were made of semen and the tears of kittens! Which it may have been.