Birds of Prey #8

Why is Black Canary beating up that nerd robot?

I was pretty hard on Duane Swierczynski the last few issues. But he's a professional author! I keep thinking maybe I'm wrong about Duane. Maybe he is trying to develop the characters. He does have them talk. Like how Ev and Black Canary super trust each other but then Ev says, jokingly?, that Black Canary is the murderer! Is that really a joke amongst the best of friends when you're accused of killing your husband? (And I guess her husband is that Lance guy mentioned in Teen Titans? So he's not dead? He's just part of another covert group?) And remember that time Katana and Black Canary giggled about Poison Ivy not really being a friend? Maybe I need to change my attitude!

Okay! New attitude towards Birds of Prey! New story line and new chance for Duane! Let's see how many pages in he fucks it up! I mean, I'm super excited to read this great story!

The first two pages aren't bile risingly bad. They're awkward, sure. Like a pony taking its first steps or a fourteen year old girl giving her first hand job. Some guy named Gangemi investigates a crime scene where a man was murdered by what he believes was Black Canary and her sonic scream. The man belongs to whatever covert ops group Gangemi belongs to. Just another one for the list. I imagine any place in the DC Universe worth investigating is probably composed of 75% people infiltrating from different Black Ops teams.

The third page makes me wonder if I'm wrong giving Duane and Jesus and Javier and June another chance.

Black Canary looking stoic as usual. Katana in an action pose. And why the fuck is Batgirl swinging from her Batrope in a hotel room?

I think the guy in the Hologram is named Infiltrator. And his crew of super villains is called Infiltrators? The fire in the hotel room that Katana and Black Canary are standing in and on in every single panel without any problem has been created by Napalm. Napalm is a bit sad that Poison Ivy isn't there. I guess he's a rival of hers. Perhaps the conservative corporate shill to her liberal eco-terrorist feminazi agenda. And the naked guy attacking Tatsu...

Where do I fucking start with this? Flesh?! Seriously. And now Duane has just created a substance in the DC Universe that you just smear on your body so that you have invincibility? Or can this guy still die from a long fall? I bet if Tatsu sticks the Katana in his mouth he won't be protected.

So this stupid group of Super Villains have caught Black Canary in a trap that doesn't entirely make sense. Black Canary Narration Boxes, "We'd come to the hotel on a tip...a man claimed to have information about a murder that would interest me greatly." So that sounds like maybe Black Canary doesn't know about the murder? And then Infiltrator says, "Dinah Lance...did you really think you could shatter a man's skull and get away with it?" And then Black Canary Narration Boxes, "No, I didn't think I could get away with it. But I also didn't think it would end like this..."

Wait. What? So you did murder this guy, Dinah? And then you came back because someone had a tip about it and they gave the tip to you and you didn't think twice that the person knew you had done it? Are you an idiot? Or is Duane the idiot?!

Just asking! Just asking! I'm giving him a fair shake! Let's see how Batgirl is doing out on the balcony. I'm not sure why she went out there. Possibly to get away from the flames. Or maybe to fuel the flames with more oxygen? Who can tell? Batgirl is acting loopy, swinging around a hotel room on a rope! So, out on the Balcony, she meets the Infiltrator that was meant just for her.

And this guy's name is Head and his super power is that he can't be knocked out. But I bet those chemicals can be ripped from his head!

Now, the Birds of Prey haven't been active for very long. But a super villain (or government Black Ops group) has already studied them and developed a team to counteract their fighting techniques. That's the oldest and stupidest super villain trick in the book! Because now Katana, Poison Ivy, and Batgirl can all just rotate to the left and switch partners. Batgirl will knock out Napalm, Katana will chop the chemical implant off of Head's head, and Poison Ivy will explode Flesh from the inside by growing some fungal spores or something. And Black Canary will probably just turn off the stupid hologram.

Or they'll all just take out the person fighting them anyway since these villains are all so stupid!

South Dakota? So this must be Checkmate.

Meanwhile, Starling is breaking into "Undisclosed Location #8374" in South Dakota. Is that supposed to be a joke? The place looks like a house but it's really some kind of high tech bunker. Starling gets caught by some guy. So maybe it's not Checkmate. Maybe it's some other Black Ops group that works out of South Dakota. But instead of Mount Rushmore, their Headquarters is in Undisclosed Location #8374.

The fight continues among the non-lethal and non-even-hurting flames. Perhaps they're only an illusion! Or maybe Napalm can control who they hurt since Poison Ivy is the only one he's allowed to burn. Or something. It's all very confusing. Like where this hole in the floor came from:

I think it's the hole in the floor that Flesh burst out of when he first attacked. The scene was not drawn well so I couldn't tell if he was busting through a wall or door or ceiling. So I guess it was the floor. So does that mean Flesh has super strength as well as invulnerability? Or is it just assumed in the DC Universe that any normal person can break through any wall, floor, or ceiling?

Black Canary had fallen through the floor earlier but I didn't mention it because it's all just a big mess. Plus remember when Batgirl was swinging from a rope in the hotel room? That was funny.

Ev and the guy who catches her talk a little bit, Spy to Spy. Ev is investigating Black Canary's supposed murder charge and this Spy wants to give her some information. Which means he's just trying to manipulate her, duh!

They did not make any headlines in Birds of Prey #7! Unless everything they do is known by everybody! Because the people Mind Controlled don't remember anything that happened while they were mind controlled! Or else Ev would not be surprised by the following information.

Because Ev found this out last issue from Choke. So why does she need to investigate? Oh yeah! Because the mind control victims forget everything! So how did the Birds of Prey make headlines especially when they're supposed to be a "covert ops team run by a bunch of supercriminal hotties." That was a quote from Birds of Prey #1.

And then the fight ends with a lot of luck although it was all part of Katana's plan. She drops Napalm down an elevator shaft and he explodes like 18 tons of C4. The entire building is demolished so hopefully the Luxury Apartment Building where a guy was killed three days ago was suddenly completely empty. And Flesh gets trapped beneath rubble with his invincibility. And Head gets his chemical's smashed but who the fuck cares since the rest of him is crushed under the rubble anyway. And the Birds all get out easily.

And I suppose that Black Canary wasn't admitting to having killed the guy three days ago. That was a murder that definitely was meant to look like Canary did it and might involve a future story line. Or it might just go the way of Choke and his ridiculous story arc. Black Canary was admitting to having killed her husband because she knew that's why these particular guys (especially Hologram Man) were after her.

Nearly the same look she always has except with a tear.

But as we've seen previously in Teen Titans, Kurt Lance has recently been spotted with Amanda Waller in New York. So no need for all this drama! Everything will turn out fine!

Birds of Prey Issue #8 Rating: -1 Ranking. This issue might have just garnered a mediocre, no change ranking review except for the part where Katana ends the fight by demolishing the Cornwell Hotel. Just three days prior, there were guests who reported the alleged Sonic Scream and brought the police in to investigate the murder. And the hotel wouldn't close down the entire place for one murder! Maybe a floor or two. So Katana just killed an entire hotel full of innocent guests and staff. Nice job!