Grifter #7

If the fight with Midnighter is even close, I'll go buy a hat and eat it.

Last issue, Grifter defeated the Daemonite God, Black Curate, by believing in faith and hoping for trust! He also lost his girlfriend but no time to mourn her! It's time to go to the Himalayas and go toe-to-toe with Midnighter!

The title of this issue is called Blood on the Snow featuring Midnighter! That exclamation point is part of the title because it's so exciting! I can hardly wait! Especially because the blood on the snow is probably going to be Grifter's!

Before I begin reading this, let me ask an important question. How the fuck is Grifter going to get to the Himalayas from Seattle? I suppose Sofia has some super expensive method of transportation she stole from Q-Core. She seems to have enough money to waste on a small sea plane that she let crash to the Earth last episode after jumping out of it and onto an invisible space ship. But they never did get any money to fund their anti-Daemonite campaign since Grifter's lost locket con failed to go anywhere. By the time Grifter gets to the crash site, Midnighter will have been and gone!

Oh shit. I'm crying from laughing. I should just make a compilation of all of Grifter's narration boxes throughout the whole title. Fucking gold. No, platinum! No, Unobtainium!

It sounds like you've found a soulmate, Grifter!

How? How did you travel across the globe? How did you get out of America when the government has a manhunt going for Cole Cash? Did you take the snowmobile the entire way?

Note to Self: Figure out how to make animated GIFs again. I haven't made one 8 or 9 years.

This was the last animated .gif I made. It's using demo mode!

Now they're just getting boring and mundane! Talk about how you've never been one to come when called! Like a fucking cat!

Since Grifter's Narration Boxes became boring, let's just skip ahead to where he finds the crashed object, notes that something has escaped from it, and then encounters Midnighter.

It's like Nathan Edmondson doesn't know how to insert the story he wants to tell into a believable framework! Midnighter would have been there instantaneously with Stormwatch's Door travel technology!

Even if I'm asked to believe that Grifter knew about this crashed fragment before Stormwatch (somehow!), Cole Cash still had to make his way all the way across the world with no money and hiding from the law (which you'll see in the next panel I scan is even stated by the comic)! And he still arrives before Midnighter can step through a magic doorway. Although what most surprises me is Grifter wearing a shirt!

See? He's the world's most wanted man! Really? WHY?! How is he the world's most wanted man?! I can see how maybe he's currently a top ten wanted felon for being behind that whole plane attack thing in Issue #1. But the world's most wanted man? Highly doubtful!

Fuck. Look at me! Arguing with a Goddamned comic book! I'd be totally ashamed if I wasn't so proud of myself!

Gifter and Midnighter's discussion about why the other one is there quickly devolves into trying to kill each other! Midnighter says Grifter can't be allowed to leave. Grifter shoots at Midnighter. Midnighter dodges bullet and kicks Grifter's gun. Grifter gets message from his Soulmate that he must depart immediately.

Midnighter is willing to kill Grifter to keep this thing secret. That doesn't actually seem like a Midnighter thing to do. He may kill but I'm pretty sure he doesn't just go around killing innocent people. Especially when all Midnighter wants to do is protect a secret. They've got Martian Manhunter on the team! He can fiddle with Grifter's memories and that's that. Stupid writer just wanted to make Grifter and Midnighter fight. Or the editors just told Nathan Edmondson that he needed a Stormwatch guest star and to do whatever he wanted except kill him.

Grifter winds up touching the crashed bit of whatever and the thing transfers its memories to Grifter. So now he knows all about Stormwatch and possibly some more about the Daemonites and it's a really convenient plot device for Cole to stop running around trying to figure everything out. Now he can get busy fighting the Daemonites! After he gets done fighting Midnighter.

Well if you suddenly know so much, then you'll also know that Midnighter only recently became a member of Stormwatch and has known about the Daemonites for a far shorter amount of time than you have!

Meanwhile, Max Cash is still alive because you can't kill Max Cash by crashing a helicopter into him! And he's ready to kill his brother because Cole put him in the hospital. Which Cole actually didn't do. So maybe Max's memory has been damaged as well.

Back to the fight, Grifter runs because he knows this can only end in his death. Well, that's one point for Nathan's grasp of characters. Grifter ends up crashing though the ice to fake his death. Midnighter decides that the only way to be sure Grifter is dead is to smash the ice and collapse a bunch of it. You know, instead of finding the dead body and making sure it was dead and maybe cutting its head off too just in case. Midnighter does have Engineer scan the area for lifeforms but the Eye of the Storm scanner is conveniently acting wonky. No signs of life!

Ugh! Another creature that Stormwatch, the most powerful group in the DC Universe, is no match for! But Grifter is going to be a match for it? No. Nope. No sir.

Grifter does realize that he doesn't stand a chance against this thing that escaped and walks away into the Himalayas. On foot. To die from hypothermia and frostbite.

As Grifter walks off thinking the amazing stuff he thinks, he comes up with a plan. There is no evidence to indicate that this plan will actually work so I'm not sure how or why he comes up with it. His last Narration Boxes: "There's only one way I can get close enough to the Daemonites to stop them...I'm going to convince the world that I'm a villain. It will be the greatest con I've ever pulled." Really? Because I think you're already all of the way there seeing as how you're the most wanted man in the world! You stupid fucking twat.

The final page shows the thing that broke out of the piece of the Eye of the Storm that crashed to Earth (so Stormwatch had prisoners on their headquarters that they didn't know about?). It's name is Helspont and it's the thing that Superman has been punching in all of the ads for the new creative team beginning in Superman #7! It also talks to itself and says stupid things. I bet it says funnier and smarter things in Superman #7 written by Keith Giffen!

He's talking about Superman!

Grifter Issue #7 Rating: No change in the rating. But only no change because I'm hesitant to say that this comic is worse than Captain Atom! We'll see what happens next issue. And then Captain Atom still has Issues 6-8 to prove to me that it's the worst comic anyway!