Thursday, May 3, 2012

Frankenstein Agent of Shade #7

Why Frankenstein gotta be so violent?

SHADE decided to keep all of their failed genetic experiments inside a tiny space called the Zoo. Nina from the Black Lagoon couldn't kill her deformed and aggressive babies so they were imprisoned and the prison was kept inside Shade City. Everyone reading the comic knew the day would come when these creatures were let loose from The Zoo to terrorize and kill and maim and rape all of the scientists living in Shade City. That day is this issue.

Aww. The little deformed assholes have a familial bond!

The Mutant Creature Commandos (or more mutant than the regular ones) capture Nina and Lady Frankenstein while Father Time and Ray "The Atom" Palmer watch on a vidscreen. I think vidscreen is the appropriate term for a futuristic monitor. They also happen to notice that all of the Humanids have wandered off.

The Humanids have gone off to start a revolution. They're just newly sentient so they don't realize what a pain in the ass life has in store for them. Sure, it's easy enough to start a revolution when you're the downtrodden, slave class. Everyone wants to not be that! So it's easy to rise up and overthrow your masters. But what happens after that? They'll start bickering about all of their individual beliefs about the way the society should be and factions will emerge. Some Humanids will want everyone to be free to pursue the life they want to live. But other Humanids will fear a society without explicit rules and controls. It's going to be a giant cluster fuck and they'll be begging for The Pit in no time! Um, The Pit was where they went to get reprocessed after 24 hours and they began to lose their shape. I wonder if they'll still lose their shape after 24 hours or if sentience will help them keep their form?

Frankenstein and his cohorts return from Vietnam by way of Teleportation and Shrink Technology. But when they arrive, the door to headquarters won't listen to Frank's voice commands because the Humanids have hacked into the system and taken control.

Oh, Frank. You can't be a Luddite! Without technology, you'd still be decomposing in some pauper's grave in Eastern Europe!

Once they break into the tower via Frankenstein's rampage against the electronic doors, the Commandos come face to face with a couple dozen Humanids wielding Ray Guns (literally! They were probably designed by Ray Palmer!). The Humanids have also taken over Father Time's control room.

Father Time has a point!

Father Time tries to be reasonable with the revolting mob. How many revolutions have been shut down by the leader being overthrown simply saying, "This is unacceptable." What? Really? Oh shit! Sorry! We'll get back to work then.

Brother Eye also left a little ASCII eyeball doodle so that Father Time would know that he infected Shade City with the Self Humanid Aware Destructive Encoding. Okay, that was a stretch. Sorry.

This guy must be the revolutionary leader since it looks like he's already breaking down.

The Humanids tell Father Time that when a Humanid body breaks down, a new one will be created and the Hive Mind will be downloaded into it as well. So it doesn't look like the Humanids have any individuality. They've really all just been reprogrammed to act like dicks. But they're all the same dick. And still runs the program that controls them except it's been changed by Brother Eye. So all Ray Palmer or some other scientist has to do is run a scan with their anti-virus software and they should be good to go!

The Creature Commandos decide to take care of things their own way by ripping apart every Humanid they run across. Frank and Khalis (the mummy!) head off to fight the Sad Hepatitisy Asshole Deformed Entities that kidnapped Lady Frankenstein and Nina while Velcoro (the vampire. See? The V clues you in!) and Griffith (the wolfman!) go off to shut down the Humanid manufacturing process in The Pit.

Back in the Hub, Father Time and Ray Palmer fight back against the Humanids. Ray Palmer shrinks and does some Atom trick where he pops into all of their heads or something and makes them all explode. I couldn't quite figure out what he did but he put down all of the Humanids threatening them. I hope nobody ever gets their hands on Ray's technology and uses it to travel via the telephone and enter someone's wife's brain and end up giving them a massive stroke and causing a whole big scare in the super hero community!

Griffith and Velcoro easily shut down The Pit. And Frank and Khalis arrive to find Lady Frankenstein has already defeated all of the weirdo reject commandos. All except for one that she didn't see.

Bah! What's a little decapitation to a lich? Just get some pins and wires and he'll be fine.

Nina exclaims, "Khalis is still alive!" even though it's pretty obvious that he's already been dead for a long time! I think she means Khalis is still unalive! But instead of allowing Nina to help Khalis, Father Time sends the Creature Commandos to the Teleport room because there is suddenly another emergency. It seems there was another monster in The Zoo! And it forced a scientist to teleport it out of Shade City and into the real world! Who was this mysterious and super dangerous creature?

I wonder what corpse they took Lady Frankenstein's tits from?

Frankenstein Agent of Shade Issue #7 Rating: No change. Nothing much to say here so I'll type a bunch of stuff about how I have nothing much to say. Or maybe just that was enough.

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