Thursday, May 31, 2012

Detective Comics #9

Hopefully this comic takes place after the action in Batman #8!

Or maybe it won't matter! Hopefully it's just an issue with the inmates of Arkham versus the Talons!

This issue is narrated by Doctor Arkham (I forget which Arkham is the modern one. Jeremiah? That doesn't sound very modern. Mackenzie Arkham?). The first statement he makes is that Arkham Asylum is the safest place in the world. Sure it is! Because the loonies and madmen are constantly getting out of it! Arkham feels secure inside the Asylum even though his name turned up on the Court of Owls' hit list. Cash, Arkham's chief of security, isn't so sure. I hope this guy Cash goes toe to toe with the Talons and protects Arkham. It would be interesting to see a non-super hero person who has a job in security actually do his job well even against the craziest ninja undead foes.

While Jeremiah Arkham is checking in on The Black Mask (The Black Mask sort of derived his powers by being bitten by a rabid raccoon! That's almost a radioactive raccoon! His False Face Society of Gotham had a really terrible motto: "Know that he mask destroys one identity while creating another of deeper drives and greater power." Lame! This information brought to you by Who's Who, the 1990 edition), the power goes out. The Talons have arrived!

That was the worst Talon of them all! Taken down by a Doctor!

But just as the Talons think they've got Jeremiah, Batman swings in from somewhere while a bunch of his freeze grenades go off at the same time, slowing down the undead Talons but only causing a slight discomfort to Doc Arkham.

The Night of the Talons clock says 8:51 PM. I think Alfred's message to the Bat Family went out at 7:40 PM. That means it took Batman about an hour to defeat the Talons in the Batcave while wearing his Batman Suit of Armor. Will that story be told somewhere else? Probably. But now I'll know that Batman survives and it won't have any tension!

Batman stalls the Talons and tells Arkham to run to one of his various secret hidey holes. Cash, the security guard, protects Arkham long enough for Arkham to get away. But he doesn't do as great a job as I'd have liked him to.

I guess that's all guards at Arkham are known for: taking a punch.

Arkham decides that his only hope is The Black Mask! With all of the crazies to choose from, I don't know why he's choosing a guy I know nothing about! I mean, I knew nothing about until a few minutes ago when I read his Who's Who entry.

Akrham gives The Black Mask his Black Mask so that he can become his alter ego. I don't know if that now comes with super powers or not. In the 1990 Who's Who, he really just seemed to wield a machine gun and a high charisma. Arkham (or somebody on the ward) also opens all of the cells. Arkham has another riot on its hands! But this one might be for a good cause.

Clayface emerges from the cell behind Batman and saves Batman's life. I was once in a brawl similar to this! I was at a bar in Santa Clara with a few friends. This bar was the first place I'd ever seen a whole dance floor of people doing the Macarena. We walked into the club and I saw everyone on the dance floor doing the exact same moves and I thought, "How the hell are they doing that?!" Anyway, this one time, my friend Paul noticed an ex-girlfriend of his was there with another guy. He was pissed and kept staring at them. The other guy didn't like Paul staring at them so an altercation ensued. This other guy had friends as well and when they stepped in to outnumber Paul, I stepped in to pull them off. Paul and the other guy went down and I tried to pull Paul back up. As I turned around while standing, one of the guy's friends was hauling back his fist to crack me in the face. Just then, Jimmy Arthur stepped out of the crowd and grabbed the guy's arm and pulled him back. Saved by the giant brute Jimmy Arthur! Now, Jimmy Arthur was the guy who I'd hit with my skateboard a few months before that. That story is here So this scene in Detective Comics is just like that moment in my life!

Batman, of course, represents me!

Batman seals everyone into the cell block so they can be sorted out by the GCPD later. He heads off to find Arkham but finds The Black Mask instead. And I guess the Black Mask's high charisma means he has the power of suggestion.

Dude! Batman! That might not have killed him but he's just a normal guy! Batman just gave him a partial lobotomy!

Batman gets to Arkham and hauls his butt out of the Asylum. It's 9:49 PM as Batman is leaving and he plans on dropping Arkham off with Dick Grayson on his way to find Lincoln March and the Birds of Prey (Birds of Prey #9 & Batman #9!). So now I know Batman survives his fight in the Batcave though I haven't seen how that fight turns out (maybe I never will!) and now I know Nightwing survives his battle with William Cobb Talon! Sheesh, DC! You can't even do crossovers without spoiling every single issue!

That's the end of the regularly scheduled feature. The backup story is about Two Face (ONE FACE!).
Oh yeah! Isn't this the second part of the previous backup story? I better look at last month's commentary to refresh my memory! Okay. Dent is supposed to meet with some other lawyer that's been a pain in his ass. They meet. The pain in the ass wants to work with Harvey. Harvey agrees. Harvey goes to find the guy blackmailing the pain in the ass. The word ugly gets thrown around a lot. Five times across two pages, I think. And then a bunch of people die and Harvey is captured by some samurais. I guess I have to read a third part to this story I don't care about but am paying an extra dollar for. What a stupid sucker I am!

Detective Comics #9 Rating: No change. I think this comic would have been worth a +1 if it were still $2.99. And then only because I have it rated so low, it doesn't have to be spectacular to move up the charts. But it costs $3.99 so fuck you, Tony Daniel and DC Comics!

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