Catwoman #7

Guillem March is only doing the covers now. That's too bad.

Catwoman begins the story by stealing a Ferrari from some Greek guy. But she's not just a thief; she's also a gigantic liar!

This is her lie.

These are the buns.

 

I never took Catwoman for a car thief. She's always been such a, what's the phrase, cat burglar? But I guess Big Titty Miss Kitty of Gotham City runs the pretty red car stealing committee. Also itty bitty and shitty and whatever else you can stick in there.

Oh, and speaking of rhyming. Fuck all the press that Eminem gets for rhyming "orange" with "door hinge". I thought that one up on my own as did one of my poetry professor's friends as did Kurt Fucking Vonnegut. He also rhymes "purple" with "burp'll"! And even if nobody wants to believe the nobodies like me and my professor's friend about coming up with the rhyme, Kurt Vonnegut's was published in Welcome to the Monkey House, you fucking fucks. Eminem is a hack with some pretty catchy songs. But he's not the God of rhyming. Rhyming is fucking easy, you morons. It doesn't denote great intelligence.

Where was I? Oh yeah! Catwoman stole a car! And she doesn't usually do that! But apparently she likes stealing cars because she says so later. Some other guy with eyes out of a 90's Image comic also likes stealing cars!

He's got ANGRY EYES! One look at you and I can't disguise!

Oh, and here is where Catwoman says she likes stealing cars! Just because it's fucking cute and I'm always complaining about stupid comics not being fun and then Judd Winick who I don't want to like at all starts writing a comic that I enjoy reading! Life just isn't fair at all! I bet Judd and I could be really good friends. You should e-mail me, Judd! GrunionGuy AT placesandpredators DOT com, dude! Next time you're in Portland, I'll buy you a beer and apologize for all the jokes I've made at your expense. AGAIN!

Yay! Stealing cars!

Catwoman needed someone to help tone down her recklessness so she hit up this Gwen woman who is a fence and possibly someone I kind of remember Catwoman talking about in a past issue but who can keep all these people straight? I'm reading 52 different DC titles! I can't be expected to remember the names of people without super powers! Selina is supposed to listen to Gwen at all costs because Gwen plays it safe and checks out all the leads. But then this one night, some really expensive cars need stealing and Gwen doesn't have enough time to check out the situation. So Catwoman goes in all by herself without any leads and immediately remembers why she made the deal with Gwen.

He's not finishing that sentence in that speech bubble so I suspect he's going to be interrupted by that guy with the Angry Eyes when I turn the page.

That was an easy one.

This guy uses the name Spark and isn't here to steal cars. He's here to save Catwoman's ass (mmm, Catwoman's ass) and ask her to team up with him. She thinks he's cute and she's manic and crazy so she readily agrees! It's the team-up of the century!

Catwoman Issue #7 Rating: +1 Ranking. Decent story and far too many cute Catwoman moments. Plus, it's only moving ahead of an empty space where one of the new titles will debut.