Thursday, May 3, 2012

Frankenstein Agent of SHADE #8

This should be the phrase on every birth announcement ever sent out.

Frankenstein and Lady Frankenstein teleport down to a smoldering ruin of a city in search of their baby. Frank refers to it as an 'it'. Lady Frank refers to it as a 'he'. I think one of them might care a little bit more for baby boy than the other one.

How do two corpses have a child? Is the process filthy and disgusting like a pornographic film? Or is the process filthy and disgusting like Does Frankenstein have normal blood flow? Can his penis become erect? Does Lady Frankenstein's dainty parts produce the appropriate fluid for lubrication? Or does her pussy just get pussy? I'm making myself sick picturing two corpses fucking. Imagine the stink of it all!

I'm going to pretend Jeff Lemire never made me think about these two fucking like prom dates and just pretend that Nina Black Lagoon built their baby in a lab by using the DNA from their genitals.
And then they have a shared flashback! If only I'd turned the page before speculating about Frankenstein's stitched up cock slipping inside the putrid lump of flesh that is Lady Frankenstein's vagina.

No part of this is natural, Frank! You and your wife should just climb back in the hole Igor pulled you out of!

Yeah, the very least! "Hey, thanks for all the hard work you've put in! How about we make it even harder by giving you a baby to take care of!"

Not that it matters! The baby breaks free from its incubator and attacks Lady Frankenstein. Frankenstein shoots it in the head to save her life. And Lady Frankenstein never forgives him. That's the origin story of Baby Frankenstein and also the tale about their estrangement. And now Baby Frankenstein is alive again.

And that's the root of the conflict. Frankenstein never gave the baby a chance because he never saw it as their baby. He saw it as a monster so when it attacked Lady Frankenstein, he put it down. But Lady Frankenstein saw a frightened and scared child and was willing to endure the pain of the attack to calm and soothe it and make it right. All Father Time saw was a little itty bitty baby killing machine.

Frank and Lady Frank have followed the Baby Frank's trail to Castle Wolfenstein Frankenstein. The memory of the place where its parents were born is embedded deep within its DNA and it's come home.

Ray Palmer is enraged at Father Time keeping the baby a secret from its parents. He storms off threatening to have the United Nations funding cut off. Good! Maybe it will be easier to keep SHADE a secret if they go with private funding! Or annual bake sales. Maybe they can sell arms to rogue nations for a quick buck. Or charge the people they save.

Back in Germany, they encounter Baby Frankenstein inside the Castle. Frankenstein promises Lady Frankenstein to give him a chance and see if they can't save their baby.

Where have I seen this thing before?

Oh yeah!

Baby Frank seems to be attacking Frank and yelling, "Kill!" Except it turns out that it's just trying to vocalize, "Kill me." So Lady Frankenstein takes pity on her poor son and does just that.


Father Time and the Creature Commandos teleport down to find the job finished. Lady Frankenstein removes her Shade Implant (I didn't know they had anything like that. Is it like the Nanite Bombs in the Suicide Squad members' heads?) and quits SHADE. Father Time, once again, says, "This is unacceptable!"

It must suck to be in the body of a little girl sometimes. Or all the fucking time, probably.

Lady Frankenstein quits and walks off into the snowy mountains. The end!

Frankenstein Agent of Shade Issue #8 Rating: No change. I just checked the Rankings and see I have this comic ranked at #6. It's probably top ten but I think Rank #6 might be a bit high. I'd recommend Batman and Robin before this comic. Possibly Nightwing as well. And even though this has nothing to do with this comic, I see have Blue Beetle at #31. That might be the worst miscarriage of justice in the Rankings right now. I can see Blue Beetle being much higher than that. Oh well!

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