Legion of Super-heroes #8

If I could turn invisible, I'd want it to be a surprise. I'd call myself The Flash.

This issue contains two stories so maybe it'll either be twice as boring as a normal issue or half as boring. I'm not sure how the physics works.

Fault #6. I never know what they're fucking talking about!

This here Furry is the antagonist of this first story. Judging by the cover, Invisible Boy is the protagonist and may be in this panel. Also, does this alien creature not have nipples? Or is she wearing a nude suit for her race's pinkish-purple color and the little crotch scarf is just to hide the camel toe? Her accomplice is a big amorphous tar beast. Well, he's not totally amorphous. He's got the potential to be amorphous. Or else he's just covered in tentacles. It's hard to tell with DC aliens! Maybe he's not tar-like or amorphous! I think he's just big and slick and black and covered in tentacles. And he has one jaw inset within another jaw.

These aliens are stealing that thing the Furry mentions in that panel up there. It's a futuristic thing so maybe nobody is supposed to understand what she's saying. But I think long time readers of Legion of Super-heroes might have an idea. I'm a no-time reader of Legion of Super-heroes (well, 7 issue time reader!) so I have no idea what she's after. Invisible Kid does show up (or decides to finally show himself although he probably wasn't already here or else he wouldn't have let the first person get killed. Yes, someone was killed! I just didn't think it was important enough to mention!) and begins beating them into unconsciousness. The alien thief with the three eyes that's on the cover escapes with the bauble they were after.

Still speaking gibberish!

Invisible Kid seems to have a sister which brings me to another Fault (sort of)!

Fault #7: At least to a new reader, nobody's abilities are explained. Part of this is because many of the members of Legion are aliens from different planets who are just expressing the natural abilities of the populace of those planets. So no explanation is needed. But when the Legion Caption tells me a character is from Planet X and their Special Abilities are Prognostication, I'm not told if everyone from Planet X can Prognosticate or if it's just an individual ability of this Legion member. Now, when the character is from Earth like Invisible Kid, I know it's a super power. But I still have no idea why he can turn invisible or what kind of radioactive whatever bit him (possibly a jellyfish?)! Long time readers might not have this problem. But just try jumping into a Legion story and getting any kind of answers!

Mon-el and Ultra Boy are sent to recover the chip from the three-eyed goon. They defeat him easily since they're both invulnerable (well, Ultra Boy is when he choose that power) and all the goon has is a, well, what does it matter what weapon he has? They're invulnerable! They recover the Gold Master for Nano-amp #108 but did they recover it in time?!

Oh no! Not the technology that created Tharok! And not the Fatal Five! If you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm because I have no idea who Tharok or the Fatal Five are. But I'm guessing they're trouble!

That's the end of the first story. Maybe the idea of the Fatal Five returning is exciting to some readers. But I have no idea who it is. Maybe I should look it up in my old-school Who's Who!
Nope, nothing about The Fatal Five. But I did decide to pull the entry on The Legion of Super-heroes and scan it.

This shows 23 different Legionnaires. Except I think it actually shows 21 because one of them is in triplicate.

Invisible Kid in this old group is a non-french white kid named Lyle Norg who is described as a "dedicated genius" who has "given himself powers of invisibility." Phantom Girl is named Apparition. Oh! And I've stumbled upon the current Invisible Kid's sister: Computo! She's the black girl in the lower center in the red vest and gloves. Stylish!

I also just realized, reading the text on the back, that this isn't the Legion of Super-heroes! They're the Legionnaires who are clones (or just took the name of?) actual Legion of Super-hero members! So now I've just confused myself even more!

Here's the Legion of Super-heroes at the time with obvious Keith Giffen art.

It looks like some of the members here are from the Legionnaires. So whenever the Legionnaires were introduced in the comic (Legion of Super-heroes #24!), they quickly cross-pollinated. Whatever! Even their history is boring!

On to the next story after wasting my time with that foray into dullsville.

Well, the one thing this look back at the history gave me was the knowledge of why this next story is called "Founders' Night."

That's why I'm most familiar with these three: Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, and Cosmic Boy. They began the Legion of Super-heroes. Also, they were made into Heroclix.

Cosmic Boy is busy trying to figure out what happened to the Legion Lost members. But does it really matter? They went back in time; time has passed. They're dead! Okay, okay, they probably aren't. The reason they can't find any trace is because the members of Legion Lost probably end up going forward in time to some point in the Legion of Super-heroes' future where they'll all live happily ever after and time will pass and then they'll all die together. The end.

The Founders go out on the town to a night club in Istanbul. Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl full of PDA so Cosmic Boy wonders why they even brought him along. He gets his reason soon enough.

Strength activated by darkness? I'm pretty sure they just throw darts at a wall to give a new Legion member a power and then throw darts at another wall to give that power some kind of limit. "Shoots Rays that Transform People into Frogs" but "Only from her ass." "Can hypnotize people by humming" but "piddles when using the power." "Sonic Scream" but "only when constipated." As you can see, I seem to have a bathroom fetish.

During the time off, Lightning Lad has to go take care of a Lightning Problem. He gets back as the sun is rising to have one last dance with Saturn Girl. Cosmic Boy and Night Girl have it off. New baby name generator time: Cosmic Night or Girl Boy?!

Legion of Super-heroes Issue #8 Rating: -1 Ranking. Didn't follow the first story because it required outside knowledge of the team and the second story was the most boring night out I've never been on.