Sunday, May 27, 2012

Aquaman #6

This is what happens when you spend 25 years making fun of her man.

The previous storylines dealt with some cannibalistic fish creatures who might possibly have destroyed Atlantis. And they might possibly be the result of some shenanigannery that the Queen and King of Atlantis were up to. Genetic experiments? Who knows? But none of that probably matters for this comic. For this comic, the only thing that matters was the note Aquaman found at the end of last issue:

You should also get a Dog Tower and some Doggy Litter and some Dognip.

I hope Aquaman and Mera become responsible dog owners. And I don't mean responsible in that they take care of it and love it. I mean as in picking up its shit from the public thoroughfare and keeping it on a leash so it doesn't run up to everyone else who just might not love or enjoy their pooch as much as they do. I also wonder if Aquaman will be able to telepathically communicate with it. Maybe if he sticks it in a tub of water first. I think Aquaman's telepathy doesn't have any real scientific logic behind it. He can communicate with sea creatures simply because he's the King of the Sea. The end.

Sure! Some day. But not by you because you fail in your mission and fall in love with him instead. Dumb dumb.

Four years ago, that was Mera. On a mission to destroy the so-called King of Atlantis. Mera's father sent her on this assignment but I don't know who he is. I'm sure we'll find out some day as he tries to kill Mera for betraying him. But this is all semi-ancient history! Today, Mera's hitting the town.
The story begins simply enough. Woman shops for dog food in clingy, low cut Atlantean Scale Armor. Letch working as a grocery store manager helps her pick out dog food by groping her. Woman tells asshole to get his hands off of her. Manager ignores her warning. Woman breaks manager's arm. Store security guard shows up with a gun to arrest her.

Unless the town is so small the police are always hanging out in the grocery.

Wait. What? This story just took a huge turn into the fantastic! I hate when comics do such outrageously ludicrous things like giving security guards guns! Now I don't know if I'll be able to get back into this story about a mermaid shopping for dog food.

Mera begins controlling all of the water in the store and causing a big mess but she does disarm the guard before he kills a bystander by shooting bullets which would just bounce off of Mera's tough skin and ricochet into the brainpan of one of the employees. And since it's a small town, emergency services show up almost immediately to investigate the situation.

Here we see the medical responder answer the sheriff's question, "What the hell is going on?" And then Randy proceeds to make fun of himself. Or the Letterer fucked up his speech bubbles. Again.

Mera defends herself by saying, "It's not a wound he won't recover from. And maybe he'll avoid inappropriate physical contact in the future." While I'm mostly against physical violence of all kinds, self-defense is a special case. And inappropriate physical contact by a man against a woman should be considered a violent act. It's an act of power and of intimidation and the victim should be able to respond in a violent way to match the violence inherent in the groping. I believe Mera acted entirely appropriately.

While the police try to arrest Aquawoman with their measly little guns, they receive a call over their police tricorders about an escaped convict who recently murdered his wife and is probably going back to kill his daughter now. So Mera decides to play superhero.

If there's no water around for Mera to control, can she piss herself and save the day with urine?

Aquawoman allows the police to chauffeur her to the scene of the crime where she breaks out of the handcuffs and the back of the police car to take care of the situation. And the criminal is just another jerk who doesn't have the brains to realize how strong someone born to exist in the incredible pressures at the bottom of the ocean really is.

Yeah. At least come up with a new joke that makes her laugh before she shoves your teeth down your throat.

Mera sucks the water from his body so that he collapses in fatigue, dementia, and dehydration. She's about to kill him but the daughter stops her. Mera finally has had enough of these land animals and leaps back to the ocean.

Sitting alone on the beach, Mera thinks back to when she told her father she would not kill Aquaman because he isn't what they thought he was and he isn't interested in the throne of Atlantis.

Does Mera's father rule over the destroyed Atlantis? Or is there a secret Atlantis? Or is the Atlantis at the bottom of the ocean under the dome a place in the DCnU?

One of the clerks at the store brings Mera the dog food she was looking for and agrees to deliver it to her whenever Mera calls. Some of Mera's anti-land dweller feelings erode a way a bit as she realizes some people can be okay. But only when they want something! I think this store clerk, Jennifer, is in love with Mera!

Aquadog finally gets some food and that's almost the end of the issue. But then Aquaman finally shows up to his own title and tells Mera they've got a mission!

Unless he decides to kill you instead.

Aquaman #6 Rating: No change. The art has really gone downhill since that first issue. It's not bad by any means. But it isn't magnificent. It's just middle of the road. But it's the same artists! I think they just had a lot more time to prepare for the first issue. I liked how this issue dealt with Mera's relationship with her father and how different it is than Aquaman's relationship with his dad. Another quality issue of Aquaman! I can't wait until he goes up into space!

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