Blue Beetle #8

I expect Blue Beetle to be a double amputee at the end of this issue.

Ten months ago, the sexist bastard scientist now known as Stopwatch was working in the Mojave Desert in a particle accelerator.

Oh, give it up. Flashpoint!

But something went wrong as somethings always do! Especially with the Flashpoint barrier making sure that Stopwatch's work can never be successful. Except if you have Legion Technology and then just the one time so that you can get a bunch of Legionnaires into the past. Also all of those times Time Travel was used before Flashpoint happened. Which doesn't make any sense because Flashpoint always happened since it happened. Or something. Stopwatch's assistant, a woman he loved even though "she was never going to win any beauty contests" (which is why he's a sexist prick), was killed in the explosion. Nobody knew how Stopwatch survived.

If he's a frozen bubble of time, shouldn't he be immobile and indestructible and immovable?

Stopwatch is using kids from a runaway shelter. The Scarab traces the tachyon readings to this shelter called Prodigal House. It's a pretty good place to lead Jaime since he's a runaway and hasn't eaten for days. Or probably hasn't eaten for days since he'd have to steal to eat and then he'd have to yell at himself to put it back and then he wouldn't have anything to eat because he just put it back. So now he can officially get a legitimate meal and poop in an actual toilet and sleep in a bed instead of on a ledge fifty floors up in the air.

Fun fact about the word Prodigal. Everybody uses it as an adjective that describes somebody who has been away for a long time and has returned. That's why Prodigal House. It's a house of runaways who, hopefully, will one day return to the people they love. And because of the story I'm about to tell, that's a correct usage and the most favoured. But the word itself doesn't have anything to do with being away. The actual definition of prodigal is "spending money or resources freely and recklessly; wastefully extravagant." Oh ho! And why is this? Because the story in The Bible is about two sons. One son is wasteful and irresponsible and the other is responsible and thrifty. I believe the father gives his inheritance to the sons (or some large sum of money or something) and one leaves to spend the money and lose it all and enjoy it. That's why he's the prodigal son. The other son stays and helps his father and saves the money (or something equally boring). But when the prodigal (wasteful, recklessly extravagant) son returns, his father does not lecture him or shame him. He accepts him back happily and with no reservations. I'm sure I've flubbed the story somewhat since I just recalled all that from memory. And me with a The Holy Bible within arm's reach! And yes I meant to put both articles in that sentence! Because it's called The Holy Bible and it's just one of many copies! So there!

Jaime meets a bunch of kids in Prodigal House that may or may not be a gang of super villains! I'm guessing not but I'm sure one of them will be chosen as the next Short Timer!

Caught stealing from your mom's purse so you ran away? Stealing from your mom's purse is vanilla! Every kid in America has done it! Pussy!

Prodigal House checks for reports made by the parents of the missing kids at the shelter and responds by letting the authorities know the kids are safe. Since they're actually runaways, is there nothing the authorities or parents can do at that point? Does the place grant teenagers asylum? However it works, it'll probably take care of the problem that Jaime is missing. And he doesn't really have to worry about his parents worrying about him. At least Tony Bedard didn't just expect the reader to forget Jaime is a runaway and his parents are going out of their mind wondering where he is. This at least allows the comic to put that drama on hold for awhile.

The headmaster of Prodigal House works with Stopwatch to collect these kids. And Stopwatch has become particularly interested in Jaime because his sensors pick up an anomaly located on his torso. Or fused to his spine, actually. Stopwatch arranges a meeting with Jaime and, of course, the Scarab overreacts and causes Stormwatch to meet Blue Beetle instead of Jaime.

That's what I've been saying, Magic Scarab! Fucking Flashpoint!

Stopwatch thinks he's going to build his time machine and go back in the past to stop the accident that turned him into Stopwatch. This will make it so that none of the Short Timers ever died while helping him and everybody will be happy touchy feely again. But Blue Beetle destroys the non-working time machine and Stopwatch flips out. Stopwatch also gets away while Blue Beetle is worrying about being hit by the super aging tachyon ray. It's okay though. No part of him ages like the cover would have you believe.

But the fight causes Prodigal House to go up in flames and the kids see Blue Beetle leaving. They're excited because he's an internet Superfail star! But Jaime is worried he'll get blamed for this as well! So he tells the Scarab to hunt down that enemy the Scarab sensed earlier. You know? The one I figured was Guy Gardner. Blue Beetle thinks the Scarab means an actual bad guy and Blue Beetle wants to beat up a super villain in public to help his reputation. But the problem with Jaime is he keeps forgetting the Scarab is a bad guy. So the Scarab takes him to the so-called Bad Guy for a big public throw-down!

Duh! Tony Bedard is also writing New Guardians. Kyle Raynor should have been my first guess!

Oh, and the guy that eats cats? He's in New York to beat up Kyle Raynor. And I think he was hired by the Guardians of Oa! Drama!

Blue Beetle Issue #8 Rating: +1 Ranking. All I can say about this comic is it's a solid title. Good job, Mr. Bedard. Also, let me add that I really like that Stopwatch was an actual super villain. He had a motive. He had an origin. He was robbing for a purpose. He was delusional! And none of it was tied to Blue Beetle. Out of The New 52, there can't be more than a small handful of villains created like this. They're either tied to the Super Hero which makes them worthless as a reason for the hero to exist (Who needs Super Heroes when they're just protecting themselves?) or they have no apparent motivation.