Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Justice League #35

Do any criminals in the DC Universe still rob banks?

I'd like to begin by thanking DC Comics for publishing two issues of Justice League and two issues of Wonder Woman this month because it was really fucking bothering me that they were on issue #34 while everybody else was on #35. Except for all those later generation comic books. Those things are all over the place.

Last issue, Grodd lactated all over Metropolis while battling Superman and Lex Luthor. It looks like Grodd's titty milk is a Level 5 Biohazard (that's if Level 5 is the highest in the imaginary biohazard ranking I just made up).

Somebody needs to judge those who do or else those who do will continue to think that those who don't find comic books written by Scott Lobdell acceptable.

It's rather annoying how often thin-skinned creators lash out at people who criticize their work, especially with this idea that people criticizing their shit are lazy, unimaginative, bitter assholes that can't create art themselves. Okay, so I accept I'm bitter. But I think creators need to realize that people do things that they enjoy. And some people deconstruct comic books in a hyperbolic manner instead of writing comic books because they enjoy critiquing things more than they enjoy creating the types of things they enjoy critiquing. Understand, J.T. Krul? I mean, Scott Lobdell? I mean, Geoff Johns? Yes, you happen to get paid for writing comic books and television shows and believing in Aquaman. But that only works if you're good at what you do (or if you can cultivate a fandom so that they'll buy anything that involves a character they love no matter how long it is written by Scott Lobdell). And even artsy fartsy creators need to be know when they're just jerking off the donkey and calling it a finished script. I will agree that it depends on the level of criticism and the effort put into it as to whether it's worthy of value on its own merit. Somebody posting online with "Geoff Johns sucks!" probably isn't adding anything of value to the comic book community. But if they say "Geoff Johns sucks because he wrote Lex Luthor acknowledging that it's hard for normal human beings to find a way to save the world because they're not heroes. And since he was in the same boat and felt the same way, he found a way to help! He joined the Justice League and became a hero! Wait, how does that help again? Thanks for the advice, asshole!"

Oh wait! He goes on!

That's communist talk!

Just like me, always jumping to conclusions and inserting my own digital narcissistic individuality into the conversation! How silly of me to think I'm a unique snowflake with a perspective that might have something to add!

Okay fine. I admit it! I don't have anything positive to add to our cultural conversation about making the world a better, kinder, gentler, nicer place! I guess I'll just shut up and go back to reading my comic books which aren't all about violence and women in skimpy outfits and narcissistic individualistic writers that can't stand it when somebody points out they're not very good at their job.

Anyway, Lex is saying all of this at a public press conference, so you know it's all lies. So, um, good job, Geoff Johns! This is exactly the type of bullshit Lex wants people to think he believes. It's also the kind of bullshit Bruce Wayne wants people to think he believes as well so that they never question why he's making so much money every time Batman cleans up part of Gotham and the area becomes gentrified. How have no investors not noticed that dangerous areas of Gotham where Bruce Wayne has purchased lots and lots of cheap real estate soon become targeted by Batman for cleanup? Are they not paying attention? If anybody could figure out Bruce Wayne was Batman, it should be the real estate flip floppers!

Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor have now become partners. And by "partners," I mean two billionaires trying to steal as many ideas from the other billionaire so that they can crush them under their gold plated boot.

It's always a good idea to discuss secret identities and Justice League business out of costume in a huge crowd of people. It's probably not as good an idea for Clark Kent to be seen with Wonder Woman, even if she is in her sunglasses disguise.

Luthor begins to win over the crowd so Bruce Wayne bawls like a baby recounting a story about his parents because God forbid Lex Luthor steal any attention away from Bruce Wayne.

The entire Justice League are hanging out in civilian clothes ready for Bruce's word that he's found some of Lex's dirty diapers. Is that what you call criminal business activity?

For some reason, Aquaman is stationed on the roof. Probably because he brought the trident on a covert stakeout. Or because Cyborg just really wanted to say that Arthur will "dive in" if he's needed.

He won't be needed.

Lex gives Bruce the tour as Bruce desperately finds some evidence to punch Lex in the face.

"Look at all the shit I can use to kill Superman! I mean, um, Zod!"

Lex has a point. Superman keeps an awful lot of dangerous bullshit in his Antarctic Arctic Fortress just because he can. Hell, he doesn't even keep it locked up and safe anymore! Now he's off giving fossil fuel dependent monster plants to his girlfriend! Superman isn't a menace because he may one day turn on the human race. Superman is a menace because he's a careless, irresponsible asshole.

The tour is interrupted by a person named Neutron breaking into LexCorps and trying to kill Lex Luthor. Or he was just a distraction paid by Lex to interrupt the tour before Batman found that super duper illegal something that Lex is obviously hiding from everybody.

There it is! Right there, Batman! Arrest him! Arrest him now!

Justice League #35 Rating: +1 Ranking. This comic book is far more interesting with Lex Luthor as a member of the team.

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