Sunday, October 26, 2014

World's End #2

Earth-2 Starfire needs to get laid.

There's a very specific reason why I added the above caption that's filled with subtext and commentary on the way Starfire was portrayed in the beginning of The New 52. I'm sure I'll take some hits about how that's a misogynistic comment about how when women are angry, men have a tendency to say a good dicking will straighten them out. Which, of course, is why I said it! Because it's a thing idiots say. But for intelligent people that understand smart, satirical things, and also have been following The New 52, they'll get the joke. And if they don't, I'll explain it right now so that I don't wind up getting my head torn off by a bunch of women that need to get laid:, whoops. I didn't mean that! I, um, oh shit! Can we start again?! Let's change the subject!

How bored must people be with their daily lives to find baseball exciting? I just watched the last two innings of a World Series game which caused me to think about doing chores I've never even considered before being bored out of my mind by the game. That was just two innings and I couldn't believe how much of my life I was wasting! And baseball fans know exactly what I'm talking about! You know how bored you are watching a baseball game between two teams you don't give a fuck about because none of your fantasy baseball players are on them? That's how boring all baseball is to me! It's like being an atheist. All gods are silly bullshit to me. But people that love their God scoff at my commentary that religion is bullshit. Although they totally understand and agree with me when talking about any other god beside the one they think is real. That's baseball! It's stupid bullshit right up until somebody pisses on your team.

I may not have made complete sense in either of the last two paragraphs I wrote. But that's okay because I have an excuse: I don't give a fuck.

That's it? Only the two choices?

Earth-2 Starfire calls herself K'li. I think that's the Apokolips version of Kaylee. Nearly every little girl on Apokolips is called that or some name that ends in "-en" or "-an" or "-on" or "-yn". Since most Earthlings don't know how to pronounce names with apostrophes in them, little K'li suggests they simply refer to her as War. What a coincidence! Most people refer to the other Starfire as "Whore!"

I don't care if that last statement crosses the boundary into slut shaming! It was a good joke! At least for the men! And the whores!

Meanwhile in other parts of the world that matter quite a bit less than America so who cares about them at all, more Apokoliptian Horsewomen appear from the fire pits! Without horses! So just women!

I know K'li appeared in Geneva and not America. I'm not saying I really care what happens to Germany either! Or, um, France. Bulgaria? Swartzerland!

Swartzerland was just me typing a random name that sort of sounded like Switzerland and not a racist joke. Unless it was a subconscious racist joke that makes absolutely no sense.

I know this isn't a Follow Friday but right now, my favorite person I follow on Twitter is Laura Silverman.

Alan Scott heads off to battle the Apokoliptian that emerged in Brazil, Hawk Cop and Doctor Cocoa Puffs are headed for the invader in London, and Aquawoman heads off to stop the intruder from South Africa that just headed into the ocean. That leaves K'li to battle a spinning robot, two Kryptonians and two Replacement Batmans. The Streak Starring Jay Gimmick dashes off to do some bureaucratic nonsense.

Meanwhile, something enormous is approaching Earth-2 from outside the solar system. Seeing that Darkseid was trying to BOOM Tube Earth to Apokolips and failed, maybe he's decided to make a solar system call. I hope when he arrives he says, "Candygram."

What the hell can that party boy billionaire Oliver Queen do? Get drunk and pass out in his own puke?

Off in Puerto Rico, Mister Miracle helps Mister 8 and Mister Terrific break free from Bedlam's mind control. I don't have the patience to analyze exactly what he does because I'm confused by Big Barda and Fury acting as if they're buddies while looking at Mister Miracle in a cage. When last we really saw Big Barda and Mister Miracle on Earth-2, they were teammates (and more, probably) and they were fighting dinosaurs in Gotham. Now Barda and Fury are associates? It's quite possible I missed something in the transition between the end of the last battle with Apokolips and the beginning of World's End and this new battle with Apokolips. Anyway, I refer you to my excuse for not making sense earlier because it's the same excuse for my not understanding what the hell is going on!

Oh well, according to Futures End, Fury and Mister Miracle will become intimate. Which means Barda and Fury and Scott all share a bond with each other as children of Apokolips who don't exactly feel any allegiance to Darkseid. I think. I guess we'll see what happens to Fury and Barda! Maybe they'll act as spies working with the Horsewomen. Or they'll be prisoners on Amazonia. Or they'll be something else entirely since I don't have time to list all of the possibilities for their futures.

With K'li's power to enslave females, it looks like I've found a new future possibility for them.

World's End #2 Rating: No change. I haven't even hit post on this commentary and I'm losing Followers! How do they know?!

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