Yay! Time for some bad characterizations and pseudo-philosophical bullshit!
I do have to give Pandora credit for having the best outfit out of everyone in The New 52. Hell, all three of these Sinners are pretty swank! Although I don't like that The Phantom Stranger is encouraging people to wear capes and fedoras. That might be a decent reason to punish him for eternity.
The issue begins with some light sensitive bacteria Narration Boxing about how he lived through a beautiful age of darkness (some call this "night") only to suddenly have his kin wiped out by an eternity of light (some call this "day"). But eventually, after all but he were wiped out (he must be the 0.01% of bacteria that antibacterial soap can't kill), another unending age of darkness was upon him (again, "night")! But this time, the darkness called out to him! Called his name! "Nimraa," it whispered in that sexy, husky voice darkness always uses, "My servant. It's time." And that was when Nimraa climbed up into somebody careless enough to use a public toilet seat without wiping it down or putting down a toilet cover's anal fissure to destroy the world!
Get out your heavy ponchos! Here comes the pseudo-philosophical bullshit!
The Question has no idea who he is even though he's been asking "Who am I?" for about two thousand years now. Nobody seems to know the answer. Or they keep answering some other question they think he's actually asking.
I suppose this means The Trinity of Sin is going to run fifty-two issues before revealing the identity of The Question? Or will The Question be The New 52's version of the Preboot Phantom Stranger where he had lots of possible origins but they never really nailed down who he was?
Also, there's no way this series will make it to issue #52!
This issue is called "The Wages of Sin, Part One: Nightfall." I would have called it "Sinchronicity!" (with the exclamation point so the reader knows, right off the bat, that it's going to be exciting). Or maybe I'd call it "Sinesthesia." Oh! I know! "Punishment Not Intended!" That's a pun on "pun not intended" and speaks to the punishments given to people that don't deserve them!
Anyway, The Question just found out that his landlady is actually a landfourarmedbullcreature. And rent is due!
A thousand questions that all happen to be the same question: Who am I?!
Meanwhile The Phantom Stranger and Terrance Thirteen are battling a gigantic green poltergeist in Golden Gate Park. Fucking poltergeists ruin the park for everybody. No wait. I'm thinking of teenagers.
Oh! The Phantom Stranger meant teenager as well!
While The Question battles the Landminotaur, and The Phantom Stranger battles Snakewoman, Pandora enjoys a day at the beach in Southern India, thanks to a suggestion from her baby lover, Marcus. He's a baby and her lover, not a lover of babies. Unless he's a bit older than that. However old he currently is, it's too young for Pandora! Anyway, I guess she'll be fighting some kind of dolphin king soon. Or a Monkeyphant!
Darn. I was really hoping for the Monkeyphant.
I doubt it though.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Jesus died for our sins! He died to prevent suffering! He died because The Stranger betrayed him! Ipso facto addendum: The Phantom Stranger has prevented human suffering! And, well, Pandora gave the world hope. Which, admittedly, The Question hates. And which, admittedly again, probably causes quite a bit of suffering when it dies. So fine. Fuck Pandora.
The Damnated Duo follow the mystic clues up into space where they encounter the source of all of their troubles: Quackers the Cosmic Devil Duck.
If I were a cynical person, I'd think this entire comic book had been created to sell action figures.
No comments:
Post a Comment