Monday, April 3, 2017

Odyssey of the Amazons #3

I have no idea what's going on with the lower half of Hessia's body.

I'm not proud that I can't resist saying I'm proud that I resisted mentioning the Valkyrie's crotch.

The Review!
The Amazons' true foes in this book are the Jotuns. Which is why they must battle the Valkyries this issue. It's standard operating procedure in comic books. The main fight against the real antagonist would be over too quickly if the protagonists fought them straight away. First they need to battle allies who purposefully misunderstand something they wrote on the Internet so they can feel powerful and righteous. So the Valkyries and the Amazons battle for a few pages. Some Valkyries that were just introduced die and some Amazons who were introduced in an earlier issue but whose names I couldn't be bothered to remember also die. Eventually the Amazons would all die without the Valkyries ever trusting them if nothing interrupted the battle. Which is why, this being a comic book, the Jotuns decide to interrupt the battle. While they try to kill all the Valkyries and Amazons at once, Hessia manages to save the lead Valkyrie from being killed. That's the only way in a comic book to gain the trust of an ally who thinks you're the enemy. You have to save their life and then they say, "You saved my life? But why?! You must be full of goodness and honor!" Then they kiss passionately.

The issue ends with the Jotuns leaving the Valkyries alive and the Amazons dead. Which sort of seemed the way the battle was going without the Jotuns ever getting involved. All they managed to do was give Hessia an opportunity to gain the Valkyries' trust! What idiots! If only they knew they were in a comic book, maybe they'd avoid making such common comic book mistakes.

At the end of the issue, the Amazons are all seemingly dead and the Valkyries are all, "Too bad! Let's go home!" I think that means I can be satisfied that this is the ending of the series. All I have to do is Photoshop the "3 of SIX" bit on the cover to "3 of THREE" and I'm good!

The Ranking!
-2! Not that whatever story this series is telling is important enough in itself to not be considered filler, this issue was filler. So it was filler filler. I'm really having a hard time understanding why this series was green-lighted. I suppose to get a history of the Amazons that doesn't just include a bunch of white European women. Oh! I should also point out that the Amazons captured by the Jotuns weren't raped. Because rape is so bad that it can't happen even when it's obviously a plot point in this comic book. Instead of raping them to produce Amazon-Jotun hybrids, the Jotuns used sorcery! Whew! I can only take a story about rape if its metaphorical!

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