Sunday, April 9, 2017

DK III: The Master Race #8

I've never read the second Dark Knight series so this is the most disappointing comic book series I've ever read.

I didn't say it was the worst! I said the most disappointing!

Batman died last issue. But this comic book isn't about Wonder Woman or Superman or Batgirl or The Flash or Green Lantern or the fishy one. It's about Batman. So in order to make sure people actually purchased this issue, the last issue ended with Batman being tossed in a Lazarus Pit by Superman. I guess that proves that Superman loves Batman and can't live without him. You know Batman wouldn't have done the same thing for Superman. Batman probably would have high-fived Lex Luthor.

Having failed to subjugate and kill a bunch of humans, the Kandorians have decided to attempt something even harder: take on the Amazons. I've got to say, that's pretty ballsy. I rarely ever get too tired walking to the store and think, "Well, forget that. I guess I'll go do a triathlon instead!" For some reason, the Kandorians want Wonder Woman's baby boy. Probably because it's also Superman's baby. Maybe the Kandorians are simply assuming the Amazons will be all, "Please! Take the penis off our hands! It's ruining everything!"

Superman hears about the attack and flies off to save his baby. Batman and Batgirl decide to drive. But probably not to Amazonia! That would be ridiculous. They're probably going to enact some super secret and intelligent plan that Batman has ready to go. He is the Jeezly Crow Batman, after all, and this is his book.

The Amazons destroy the Kandorian army and nobody is surprised. What the hell were they thinking? Is Quar the dumbest super villain to ever grace the pages of a DC comic book?

After the battle, The Flash lets Superman and Wonder Woman know that Quar and the last remaining Kandorians have eaten some nuclear bombs and have gathered somewhere to blow up the world because they suck at winning. They're probably sitting on top of The Daily Planet because that's in driving distance of Gotham. Batman probably already knew that was where the endgame was going to take place.

The Ranking!
No change! For $5.99, nothing really happens in this comic book. Why am I even bothering? It's not like Frank Miller is drawing it so I can feel giddily disturbed by his grotesque caricatures! And I don't think Azzarello is really guiding the story as much as organizing Frank Miller's rambling ideas. I think DC also finds the fans of the Dark Knight contemptible because they fill the last five or six pages with uncolored artwork directly lifted from the previous pages. Why do I care about that?! You know what I wouldn't mind so much? If the last five or six pages were Frank Miller's depiction of five or six of the previous pages! Come on, DC! Don't you have anybody working for you that can come up with good ideas?!

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