Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Suicide Squad Loves The Banana Splits #1

I feel like this comic book has a target audience of one and that one is me!

I used to watch The Banana Splits early in the morning before school back in early elementary school. They were sort of like The Monkees if the The Monkees were furries. I was sold on the show just from the opening theme song with The Banana Splits running around an amusement park. I can't really recall the plots to the shows but I get the feeling they were always trying to evade the landlord because they hadn't sold enough crack to pay the rent yet. My favorite part of Kick Ass (and pretty much the only part I remember) was when Hit Girl begins murdering the fuck out of people while The Banana Splits theme song played. I have that version of the theme song (and the original!) on my iTunes and I never skip it when it comes up. If only the Suicide Squad had such good music to accompany their crazy exploits.

That's my love of the Banana Splits half! My love for the Suicide Squad half begins with Ostrander's run post-crisis in the eighties. That's my favorite all time mainstream super hero comic book run of all time. I have to add all of those qualifiers because it can't really compare to my love of Elfquest or Cerebus or Transmetropolitan or The Sandman or definitely not Shade the Changing Man or Astro City or Planetary or Strangers in Paradise or many others. But for a super hero comic book from DC or Marvel? Totes my fave! It did shit no other comic book at the time was doing. Like, um, things you wouldn't believe! Adult things that didn't have to do with sex (but if they had, it would only have made it better!). Also, that's where Oracle was created! And the eventual reveal of who Oracle was might be one of the greatest and most satisfying reveals in comic books. Those kinds of things are hard to pull off! Unlike me who is easy to pull off! Get it?! I come quickly!

The issue begins with The Banana Splits nearly being gunned down by overzealous cops on their way to play the Whisky-a-Go-Go. They've traded in their Banana Buggies for a military grade Humvee. I guess they finally figured out how to sell all of their crack. Or maybe their music took off.

I feel like they're making light of a monstrous problem in our society!

It turns out the violent cops who turn up to taze the Banana Splits work for somebody known as "The Boss Lady." That could be Amanda Waller although it goes against the spirit of the Suicide Squad to hunt down an innocent band of non-criminals for recruitment. They must really be selling drugs to get by! It's also possible they're being kidnapped by a female super villain to use their music against the world. Sort of like how the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band's instruments were used for evil by Steve Martin, Alice Cooper, and the Future Villain Band (aka Aerosmith).

While the Suicide Squad are on another mission going tits up (which sounds great but it isn't for some reason), The Banana Splits have been sent to Belle Reve for some reason? Resisting arrest, I guess? Oh! I bet the cops found all the crack they were trying to sell for rent in the trunk of the Humvee. Unless Humvee's don't have trunks. I guess it was in Snork's trunk.

In Belle Reve, the Banana Splits act the same way The Monkees would act if they were sent to prison. They really are pretty much the same exact group. But I think The Banana Splits were meant for a slightly older audience.

Deadshot, Katana, Flag, and Killer Croc are in serious trouble on their mission. So Amanda is all, "I know how to save you! I'll send some prisoners who haven't actually been convicted of anything yet and probably shouldn't be in Belle Reve at all but are because otherwise it would have been too hard to figure out how to do this crossover! Also, they're musicians whose only experience with violence is through slapstick. Although to make this entire premise more palatable, I'm watching a fight scene on the lunchroom monitor right now explaining how The Banana Splits are great fighters because one of them is a gorilla, one is a lion, and one is an elephant. So don't worry, Deadshot! You'll be safe in one quick music montage chase scene!"

I wonder which one is going to die?

The Suicide Squad apparently weren't as on the verge of death as Waller was led to believe. After the Banana Splits parachute in to save the Squad, the Squad save the Banana Splits. It really just seems to be Rick Flag whose life is in danger. The threat? It's the same threat as in the mid-80s Apple IIe game, Wasteland! The AI of a robot factory has achieved sentience and decided to make millions of robots to cleanse the world of humankind. I guess that's the same plot as in Terminator as well. And probably a whole bunch of other stories from the 80s. We were really afraid of machines in the eighties. I didn't eat toast for twelve years. I still eat my Pop Tarts uncooked like a barbarian!

Snork comes up with a plan and then Harley describes the plan to Amanda. In doing so, we have a new piece of verified canon that I'm currently adding, in Sharpie, to my Who's Who entry of Rick Flag.

"Likes being fingered in the butthole during sex."

Some people might want these Hanna-Barbera crossovers to be alternate universe stories. But remember if you choose to believe that, you can't know for sure that Flag needs one up the bum to orgasm.

The mission is successful and the Banana Splits choose to remain in Belle Reve so they can shed their bubblegum pop image and become hard core idiots. Fuck that nonsense! Bubblegum pop forever!

The back-up story is about Snagglepuss. I bet at some point, he exits stage left! Probably to go suck a dick. The story is by Mark Russell with art by Howard Porter so I'm bound to like it. I'm sorry, Steve Buccellato, that I have no opinion at all on your coloring skills.

I don't remember Snagglepuss being so philosophical! Maybe I was watching his cartoons incorrectly!

I bet Snagglepuss and Foghorn Leghorn would have made a cute couple. Volatile, but cute!

The Ranking!
I don't rank one shots and specials! Unless sometimes I feel in the mood to rank them. Today isn't one of those days.

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