Sunday, April 30, 2017

Nightwing #19

This month: Nightwing takes over on drums for Styx on their revival tour and Damian Wayne trips!

The Review!
If you're into naked man ass, you'll love page two of this comic book! If you're also into huge birds of prey, you'll fucking ruin your underwear over page two of this comic book! So good!

Nightwing battles Deathwing in this issue while saying all of the things that I just said about what's wrong with superheroes in my commentary on Justice League #19. Defacer also says some good stuff. They're standing up for heroes being heroes. Sure, Simon Hurt is targeting Nightwing personally which is the main thing I hate about the state of comic book stories. But it's okay sometimes if the writer has a story to tell. And the story here is that Dr. Simon Hurt wants to ruin the purest super hero DC Comics currently has. He wants to take away everything that makes Dick Grayson better than Batman, better than Superman even. He wants to hurt him and take away his humanity and his kindness and his optimism. Dr. Simon Hurt thinks he can make Dick better by making him a weapon devoid of his human side. He sees the human aspect of Dick Grayson as being weak. But it's the strongest part of him.

Don't worry, people into naked woman ass! This comic has something for you too!

I haven't really discussed Deathwing much because I can't remember much about him. Here, he's just a Dollotron. But the original Deathwing was from the Team Titans future. I was rereading The Titans, Team Titans, and Deathstork but stalled about a year ago before getting to the Deathwing reveal. It's too bad because I bet I'd have some really smart things to say about his appearance here, if only I could remember anything about him! I think maybe he was fucking Mirage? Or maybe the original Dick was and then when Lord Chaos was defeated, perhaps it changed Dick's future so that he became known as the asshole Deathwing. Maybe I should get back to rereading those before this story arc is finished so I can reestablish my credentials as Grandmaster Comic Book Reader. Right now I'm failing!

Nightwing defeats Deathwing by cutting him with the blade from the other end of the universe. It causes people to see various future realities. Apparently the one Deathwing sees is the one that turns him into a scared little boy who never wanted to become a dollotron. That seems far-fetched! Who wouldn't want to be a sexless dollotron with no sense of identity?! It sounds like bliss.

Nightwing leaves Defacer to coddle Deathwing and rushes off to stop Dr. Hurt from killing Damian. He finds Dr. Hurt waiting to monologue before killing Damian. He's all, "Batman was forged from tragedy but I can't figure out the tragedy to forge you! But you were still cracking jokes after seeing your bleak future and after seeing your girlfriend about to be turned into living art. Well, let's see if you can make a joke when Robin dies at dawn! Did you hear me? Do you get it? Have I said it enough times yet? I said 'Robin Dies at Dawn'! That's clever, right? It's my origin story! Ah ha ha ha!"

Dr. Hurt stands over Robin's lifeless body with a bloody knife which causes Nightwing to stumble and fall into hell. The cover lied! It showed Robin stumbling! Stupid covers.

The Ranking!
No change! Even though Dr. Hurt is targeting Nightwing specifically, at least the only people being hurt are Dick's girlfriend and brother. Oh, and the dozens and dozens and dozens of people turned into Nightwing Dollotrons! But they don't matter, right? They're basically just like potted plants in the background. Nobody cares about their previous lives or what will happen to them when this story is over. It's best not to think about all the collateral damage that happens when villains specifically target heroes. That way leads to stories like Justice League's "Timeless" or DC's "Legends" or Superman's identity crisis or all the ones where people hate Batman or the Teen Titans or Wonder Woman or Aquaman. Actually, it's standard policy to hate Aquaman.

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