Saturday, April 15, 2017

Nightwing #18

This was the theme of my high school prom.

The Review!
Are you a person who likes clever things like art and waffles? If you are then you should read the first panel of Nightwing #18!


Some of you might be thinking, "I don't get it!" If you are, don't worry. You just aren't the type of person who likes clever things! Or you might be one of those people who thinks they get it which is just tragic. Because then you're thinking, "Oh yeah! I appreciate art and the character is including me in the comment about being here and appreciating art! I know that sometimes situations exist where you can use the word 'meta' and seem super intelligent and in the know!" Sure, that's part of it, I suppose! But if you thought that then you're not actually the type who appreciates art in the way the character (and thus Tim Seeley) is claiming you appreciate art which is why you've chosen to read his Nightwing book (and hopefully ignored his Lost Boys book because if you appreciate art, you probably threw up reading that and thought, "Where is the art?! That is a reference to the old Wendy's commercial. Meta! I think?"). But if you remembered that this issue is about Professor Pyg who loves artistic transformations and is about to transform an artist into art through arty artistry, you might have noticed how clever the Location Blurb was being (even though it didn't mention waffles). Even places can be transformed! It's even cleverer if you know what sanglier means! I don't!

If Professor Pyg is so into transformation, why did he base his whole look on pigs? Is it simply because he's obsessed with Pygmalion? That seems like a stretch! He should be Professor Butterfly! I guess that's too on the nose for a Grant Morrison character and also not as disturbing as a pig-faced guy and also maybe a bit suggestive of coming out of the closet. Grant probably figured that would take the character into places he'd already discussed in Doom Patrol. This guy is supposed to be disturbing and what's more disturbing than pigs?! Don't start shouting out logical answers to that question at me! It was rhetorical and steeped in personal bias! Pigs are gross!

Who else wants a waffle now?

If you're a person who likes clever things like art and wine, you should probably keep reading past the first panel because Professor Pyg goes into an analogy about how art is like wine but also like being pregnant which makes a lot of sense because babies totally act like they're drunk. His main point is that to get the best art out of an artist, you have to gut them when they're young. But Dick and Damian arrive and they make a "This Little Piggy" joke although I'd rather believe it was meant to be a Deliverance joke that was censored. In other words, Dick and Damian are going to "rape" Professor Pyg. I put rape in quotes because I meant it in the way twelve year old boys use it on me while playing Call of Duty. Apparently I've been raped on a nearly constant basis since I began playing Xbox online. No wait. Make that "attempted raped" because those twelve year old boys never know what hit them after I'm through with them! I'm not saying I rape them. That's disgusting and vile. I just carefully pull down their dirty twelve year old panties and spank their sweaty bottoms until they're asking for more and I'm all, "Wait a second. I just remembered I'm not in NAMBLA. I should think up a better analogy for destroying kids at video games that isn't suggestive of some kind of sexual assault."

Professor Pyg has some more commentary on art and artists. Maybe he should change his name to Professor Navel-Gazing.

While Damian and Dick fight Pyg to save Shawn, Dollotron Robin and Dollotron Deathwing discuss the pros and cons of becoming a Dollotron. You might be asking what kind of pros could there possibly be in becoming a Dollotron? Well, I can think of one pro: Lots of cons to discuss! Anyway, the discussion ends the way most debates end: one side strangles the other side. In this case, Deathwing is the winner.

Nightwing saves Shawn but twists his ankle so he can only lie on the ground blubbering while Robin rushes off to stop Deathwing stealing the Batmobile. But that's just a bit of performance art to lure Robin out alone so that Deathwing and his friend can shoot him in the back of the head! Or maybe just the back. Probably some place non-fatal since the Death of Damian Wayne was a story that was already told and I'll be angry if DC tries to make me pay to read it again.

Deathwing's friend (somebody Robin recognizes but isn't shown (at least not yet! Maybe the reveal will be on the final page. I hope it's Lord Death Man! Or Egghead!)) claims that Robin will die at dawn because that's the only way to get Dick Grayson to reach his true potential. Who would want Dick to achieve his true potential? The real bad guy must be Batman!

When Dick realizes Damian is missing, he threatens Pyg and Pyg cracks immediately. He reveals the true patron of the Make Dick Grayson Great Again project was Dr. Simon Hurt. I suppose I should have known that from when he said, "Robin Dies At Dawn!" That was more of that clever stuff Tim Seeley thinks is so cool.

The Ranking!
No change! You know, I really do need to go back and read Grant Morrison's Preboot Batman stuff.

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