Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Action Comics #977

Gross. This is like watching a video of your own birth.

I'm glad nobody videotaped the moment I was born. I'm even more glad that it was never filmed and I never stumbled on the video at fourteen and decided to jerk off while watching it. So glad that totally didn't happen.

The Review!
Superman feels uneasy about how DC Continuity has changed and he has to consult the history crystals in the Fortress of Solitude to convince all of the Fangenders that the DC Universe has been completely fixed! You know, if you thought it was broken. If you didn't think it was broken, it's still the same as the not-broken universe you remember. If you thought it was beyond broken and DC had shit inside your mouth and then grabbed your upper and lower jaw and forced you to chew and laughed in your face the entire time, DC wants you to remember how that didn't happen at all now. Because they said so. Every DC Comic book story that you can remember is once again part of DC Continuity. Don't let any other fangenders bully you into believing otherwise with their "facts" and "scans of stories that contradict scans of other stories." Just ignore those bitter old Actually Trolls and believe in the DC Universe you want to believe in. Superman says it's okay, even if you, like Superman, feel a bit unsettled about it all.

The Ranking!
+1 because even though this issue is really just the punctuation on the Superman Reborn story and a bit of reassurance that everything has been set right (whatever you think "right" means in this context!), the story continues doing the only thing I wanted out of Rebirth: a strong sense of denial about every DC Reboot ever! Just take the blue pill (unless it was the red pill (maybe it was both the red and blue pill?)) and accept everything you're being told. Shh. Shh. Don't fight it. You'll enjoy the DC Universe much more this way.

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