Monday, March 13, 2017

Deathstork #14

I wonder if DC would be up for publishing a Deathstork variant cover so I don't have to Photoshop every issue.

When I was Photoshopping the cover, I assumed the white streak running through the "O" was water. So when I actually gave the cover a good look, I thought Deathstork was in The Mystery Spot where water spilled upwards out of the holes he shot in the walls. I'm not sure the reality of the cover is any better. Why is Deathstork using bullets that smoke? Maybe he uses Ice Bullets so that they melt, leaving no evidence of the crime! And that's steam coming out of his gun the way wispy tendrils of cordite don't ever come out of the barrels of guns because that's pretty much why cordite and other smokeless propellants were invented. Not that any artist doing covers for Deathstork have ever cared about that! Smoke coming out of the barrel of a gun is just shorthand for "This gun was just recently shot! You can tell by the smoke that is pouring out of the barrel the way smoke never does!"

Deathstork continues to fuck his son's fiance. But he has good reasons to! He knows she was just getting close to Joseph to get to him anyway. And also he likes fucking her. That's probably the primary reason. But she fell in love with Joseph while trying to get to Slade and now things are complicated and she's just going to have to continue to fuck the father and the son, preferably at different times. Although I don't think Slade or Joseph would really have a problem with fucking all together. Maybe they can get Rose to join too!

Speaking of Rose, she's still in Minneapolis dodging marriage proposals from Hosun and fuck proposals from her hip-hop cousin. It's too cold in Minneapolis so I won't be scanning any pictures of Rose in her underwear. Sorry perverts and lesbians and lesbian perverts.

I just noticed Norm Rapmund is doing the inking on this issue but Brett Booth isn't doing the art. Did they have a lover's spat?

Don't get me wrong! I'm thankful Brett Booth isn't doing the art on this series! Judging by his style, it seems he spent 95% of his time learning to draw by practicing drawing thighs.

After clearing up the prison break incident in Florence, Deathstork heads to New York because the incident in Florence isn't totally cleared up yet. To get his sword back from lock-up, he has to do a favor for Dex. My guess is that favor is shooting a cab driver in the face. But since Deathstork only has the one eye, he has trouble hitting the cabbie, even at point blank range. Granted, point blank range also includes hanging onto the hood of the cab as the cab driver smashes into buses and swerves all over the street. The messed up mission ends with a giant Power Girl inadvertently coming to Slade's aid. She's not involved in the chase for long but long enough that I figure Priest has a reason for her being here. All of the characters in his book have a story. He doesn't just throw them in for a quick guest spot. Unless that's exactly what he did with Raptor. It's too late to tell! Although Slade's Ikon suit still has the bird Raptor painted on the chest. So see? Leaving his own mark on the story! Plus he'll probably be back to challenge Slade. Probably whenever Nightwing winds up in this book.

Does the Ikon suit's gravity sheath not extend to the sleeves? Seems like an amputation disaster waiting to happen! Or maybe it just can't stop needle points?

Deathstork smashes the guy Dex sent him after between a Dumpster brand trash receptacle and an alley wall. After that, he has enough time to change back into his civilian gear before passing out from whatever was in the needle. And that's exactly the moment Power Girl reappears! She missed all the Deathstork stuff and just thinks Slade is a victim of the rampaging taxi driver.

Rose visits a pawn shop to pick up a sword that's now been in her family for generations, wink, wink! Fittingly, it's inscribed with the word "Rose" in Hmong. Lucky! I mean, the story is called "Destiny" but it's really more "Lucky!", right?

Oh! Back at Power Girl's Power Cave (a studio apartment on the some compass direction side of New York), I learn that one of Deathstork's sleeves is missing. I either missed how that happened or Raptor still has it. Anyway, one benefit of being taken home by Power Girl is that she decontaminates Deathstork's radioactive suit. It also turns out Deathstork is currently blind. Well, that finally explains that! Remember how he bumped into the wall while visiting Pat awhile back? Sure, that was a few issues ago but it apparently took place in the future. Stupid stories that don't tell themselves in a linear fashion. I still don't even know why this story is called "Twilight"! There hasn't been one teenage vampire or dying god in it at all!

Oh! Maybe Deathstork is the dying god. Or vampire!

The Ranking!
No change! I'm assuming Slade went blind after being injected with whatever he was injected with. But he couldn't even shoot the cabbie in the face so maybe he was already blind but he just didn't know it yet because all of his other senses are as fine-tuned as his reflexes. He didn't realize he couldn't see because his other senses were compensating so well! That totally explains why he couldn't shoot that guy in the face. What also explains it? That cabbie is probably some super villain! I bet he's not dead at all! It's not like Deathstork saw him die, what with being blind and all.

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