Friday, March 3, 2017

Mother Panic #3

Now kiss!

Batman can't stand that another vigilante is operating in Gotham City. That's his turf! It's his honey pot! If Mother Panic plans on opening a Window and Skylight Repair Shop, she's in big trouble. Hell, she's in big trouble anyway. Batman is such a control freak that he's going to have to learn her identity and where she lives and how old she is and how acidic her urine is. It's all quite important to running Gotham. Not that Batman runs Gotham, wink, wink! He just wants to keep it safe! If you know what I mean!

Mother Panic continues her quest to rescue a bunch of teens from some pervert art lover named Hemsley. But finding those kids isn't in the cards this month. This month, she gets to be scolded by Batwoman. The scolding winds up turning into a fight. Typical.

That's an odd thing to say unless Mother Panic's dialogue comes from a writer who knows Batwoman is a lesbian and thinks this is some kind of playful flirting. Although I don't know why somebody would follow up "Not my type" with "although under other circumstances." You mean like if she were your type?

Mother Panic wins the fight with her super power of thinking of some abstract image and then striking. I don't know what that is about. I guess she gets her power from art. That's why her nemesis is a swanky hip artist.

After the fight, Mother Panic swears. Oh! That just made the comic book better!

At Hemsley's place, Gala is waiting for Mother Panic inside the art piece she created for him. It's a throne surrounded by six sitting children in monk's robes tethered to the ceiling. They continuously chant some thing about sinners and god. I can only imagine the entire room smells like dried semen.

Gala introduces herself and then sets the room on fire to escape. I guess it's important for an artist to have a patron and/or a superhero nemesis. Otherwise why would she let Mother Panic know she's behind Hemsley's disgusting wank installation? Probably just ego. Anyway, Gala escapes while Mother Panic saves the helpless children.

Uh oh. It's getting super artsy in here!

It looks like Mother Panic is too big for art to hold! She's the creator's creation that breaks free to create! And while she does that, she'll also smash the shit out of terrible art. But not pretentious art or she'll have to punch herself in the face.

Batwoman reappears to tell Mother Panic she did a good job. Mother Panic responds with "Fuck your approval." I approve! She says fuck at Batwoman a few more times, just to show she doesn't care what anybody thinks of her. She's off the leash! Remember when practically every cover of The New 52 proclaimed that somebody was unleashed? Bad times!

The encounter with Batwoman allows the writer to just get on with the story without a bunch of fangenders going, "Why doesn't Batman do something about her?!" Now in just a few pages, they have their answer! Batwoman knows Mother Panic is a good person and she'll be allowed to do her thing so long as she doesn't fly her ship into Batman while he's grappling around the city.

Later Mother Panic discovers Hemsley's dead body. So that's one person down who did a thing that Mother Panic needs to avenge (like having sex with young kids, maybe? Perhaps burning down an orphanage? Maybe voting 3rd party?), probably a bunch more to go! It's also time for a flashback to explain her relationship with her brother and the reason for her costume and name, Mother Panic.

Aha! So she's a super nun!

There's also that back-up story about a right-wing podcaster boring people dumb enough to subscribe to his scary alternate version of reality. Oh wait! I forgot he's moved up to radio! So now he can bore all of the people who forget to turn the station after Coast to Coast AM ends!

Cory, the right-wing podcaster, is starting a late night radio show to call out The Batman and turn everybody against him. Boring! He's just another hot take on why Batman is a huge negative for Gotham City and he's going to use evidence from the times shitty writers really painted Batman in a terrible light. At least his audience will only be a couple dozen people and he'll never get popular! No way that'll happen, right?

The Ranking!
No change! I'm not even sure I have this comic on the ranking list. I should probably check. Enh, we'll see if I can find the energy to bother.

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