Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Death of Hawkman #6

Yay! It's the moment we've all been waiting for!

If I'm cheated out of reading the actual death of hawkman with some bullshit comic book fuckery, I am demanding my money back from DC Comics. And if they don't pay up, I'm suing the fuck out of them. And damages will be a whole lot more than just the twenty four dollars I initially demanded be refunded. I'm suing for every fucking dollar I gave them during The New 52 and that whore's piles of a series, Convergence.

The Review!
This review only needs one thing: a scan of the panel where Hawkman dies. If that doesn't happen, this comic book is going to drop a lot in the rankings! I'm tired of being lied to by comic book covers and mothers!

Oh no you don't! He's totally worth killing! He's twenty four dollars worth killing!

Hawkman does die but it's not gruesome or entertaining enough to scan. Sorry! He just punches his Nth Metal through Despero's head which drains him of his qi and he becomes a desiccated corpse which withers into a skeleton wearing a winged helmet and floating in space. But Despero reforms because Despero is made out of pure Nth metal now! I'm sure Hawkman doesn't at all live inside of him now that his Nth Metal is a part of Despero. I'm fairly certain Hawkman won't be reborn out of Despero's anus in the next series, The Extremely Painful Rebirth of Hawkman. I'm almost completely and utterly certain that the ending of this comic which reads "Not the end. Nowhere near it" is actually he end. No way this comic earned enough to ensure a sequel, right? Even with everybody purchasing it because they wanted to jerk off to Hawkman dying, the miserable bastards. Not me, of course! The reason I didn't scan Hawkman's death panel has nothing at all to do with love juice stains and everything to do with whatever lie I told earlier.

The Ranking!
-4! Yes, you read that right! MINUS FUCKING FOUR! Sure, I'm glad Hawkman died. But why couldn't the final page say "The End. Forever. We totally mean it."?

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