Sunday, March 26, 2017

Mother Panic #4

I already believed this comic book was pretentious. This cover just confirms it! Just look at the name of that one creator: Jean-Francois Beaulieu! Who has that many vowels in their name?!

Almost immediately, I'm sorry I called this comic book pretentious.

Classic working class comeback!

Mother Panic's first nemesis was Gala, an artist. See why I thought it was pretentious? Art?! Pshaw! That's fancy boy stuff! And fancy girl stuff, too, I guess. But all girls are fancy when you get a peek under their skirt. Woo hoo! So fancy! But this nemesis looks like he's going to be more down-to-earth. Because who doesn't like a good "YOU'RE A WHATEVER!" burn? I use it all the time. Clerks are always, "That'll be $3.50." And I yell, "You're a $3.50!" Boom! Taken down a peg! That'll teach you for thinking you're better than me with your sick ability to handle money and do sums and tell nickels apart from dimes. La dee flippin' da!

So this mystery guy (I bet his super villain identity is The Playground Rascal!) is probably a Trump supporter. He already had that sick white working class put-down and he pulled a fire alarm! Who pulls fire alarms except stupid people who haven't studied for their money handling and doing sums final?! Although he also uses a cane with a skull on the handle which might mean he's a hipster villain. Double although, a woman looks at him and has a mental breakdown so he must have a working class face. You know the kind of face! The kind that isn't great to look at and, if you happen to stare directly at it, you think, "Minimum wage."

Wow! Now who's sounding pretentious! Probably not me! It was the way you read it and not the way I wrote it, you pretentious douche!

The Playgound Rascal blows the fuck out of the Rosemary Layton Memorial Wing of the Gotham Museum of Science and Other Fake News.

This hipster douchebag is upset for some reason. I guess he likes science. Or memorial wings. Spicy!

Mother Panic in her civilian guise goes on a talk show to do the whole I'm a drug-addled gigolo who likes to take her tits out in public and fuck other women raw shtick. She stole that from Bruce Wayne! While she's on the show, she decides to have a popular Tumblr opinion about Batman.

I an not happy about comic books being so socially conscientious! Don't fucking tell me your hot (well, lukewarm) take on Batman. Instead of judging Batman by his worst written stories, how about coming up with your own story about Batman and how he rationalizes the way he does things? I'll only be happy if Jody Houser allows Batman to change Mother Panic's judgmental view on him.

These words are just Violet Paige's act to get people to hate her so they don't think she's also a vigilante superhero. She probably secretly admires Batman and has all of his action figures on a shelf in her closet.

The other guest on the show is the Ashley Layton, the hipster douchebag. Violet recognizes his voice as he passes by. It turns out he's the guy who suggested to Violet's brother that she be sent to Gather House boarding school after she murdered her father. That's the place with the nuns who taught Violet how to be the superhero, Mother Panic! I guess she's not super happy about that so she decides he needs to be punished. I bet she pulls a thread on his sweater vest and unravels it a little bit. Ooh, he'll be so angry!

P.S. I really like the art in this issue. It might even make me like the comic book about thirteen percent more. End of P.S.

Don't tell me I'm using P.S. wrong! I know what I'm doing! This is just the Post-Post part of the commentary. Duh!

Violet goes to investigate Ashley Layton's software company. After breaking in, she encounters The Playground Rascal. I think I should rename him now that more of his character has been revealed. Apparently somebody gave him so much facial reconstruction that his face doesn't look real. It's why that woman was so terrified to look at it earlier. I bet somebody uses the phrase "uncanny valley" at some point! They might even say unheimlich!

I forgot to rename him in the last paragraph! He's The Plastic Pauper! Or maybe Fancy Lad! Hmm, maybe I'll just wait to find out who he really is. The main thing Mother Panic learns is that he also went to Gather House and he also wants to make them pay. So maybe he's Mother Perfect Face? Together, they blow up Layton's building and go home to reminisce about their terrible childhood.

Meanwhile, The Ratcatcher (or Ratcatcher's brother?) moves into the basement of the Pike Hotel. That'll probably be important later.

Double meanwhile in the back-up story, the producer of the Right Wing Radio Host who wants to put an end to Batman by making everybody hate him (which totally shouldn't work but, as we've seen recently in reality, totally works on the feeble minded and stupid). The producer wants to stop him but she doesn't know how. Luckily her father was a superhero named Odd Man and he still has the suit! It'll probably fit her or else this back-up story is going to be terribly boring.

The Ranking!
+1! That increase in the ranking is simply for the art. It's got the kind of personality I like my art to have! It's practically the exact opposite of David Finch and Tony S. Daniel. Their art is for the unthinking masses who love men with fish lips and women who look twenty years younger than they actually are. The art in this comic book is for smart, sexy, good-looking people who probably write comic book blogs.

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