Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Shade the Changing Girl #6

Now kiss!

My catch phrases are "Now kiss!", "Whoops!", and "This isn't an offer to suck Tom King's dick at the next convention, wink, wink!"

I'm not really enjoying this comic book but I don't think I'm meant to enjoy it. In the same way Shade the Changing Man seemed to be written for me in my late teens and early twenties when I most felt lost trying to forge a path into adult life and relationships, this book would probably resonate for a young person trying to navigate the social labyrinth of high school friendships and rivalries. I could be wrong and it might be just as banal for them as it is for me. My point is that I don't think I have the capacity to know the difference. Is it as boring as I think it is? Or is there something here that really connects to a certain person in a certain place in time?

In Vertigo's Shade the Changing Man, Shade eventually had to battle with the original owner of the body he had taken over, serial killer Troy Grenzer. It seems the only way to travel from Meta to Earth is to leave one's body in the Area of Madness (or just on Meta, I guess? This comic goes about the transportation in a slightly different way than Vertigo's Shade the Changing Man) and to arrive in a body of a person just on the brink of dying. It's that "on the brink" part that seems to cause trouble because the person doesn't completely die. So while Rac Shade had to deal with serial killer Troy fucking Kathy's brains out, Loma has to deal with mean girl Megan demanding her body back so she can once again torture all of her high school friends. I don't think the Grenzer thing happened as quickly as this confrontation is taking place. It seems like in comics these days, you have to sort out the established problems much quicker.

While Loma fights for her life, Megan's ex-boyfriend decides it's all about him and his feelings.

Ooh! A two man job? Maybe this book just got interesting!

Okay! My hand is now down my pants. I'm ready for the two man job! I hope they pull the old Chinese fingercuffs routine!

Megan's ghost gets upset that her old boyfriend Wes doesn't realize that her body has been hijacked by another person. Why should she be surprised?! Guys don't recognize personalities! All they see are tits and ass. And Loma still has those! Duh!

Back on Meta, Mellu has recovered the Madness Vest. It's still on Loma inside a protective coffin that Mellu can't open. But she's determined to gather an army together to invade Earth so she can get the Madness Vest back. That's a bit of plot I'm not too concerned with. It's just another standard alien invasion story! Why can't the Mellu stuff be written out of this comic book? It should just stick to the Mean Girl stuff.

River and Teacup rush to help Loma battle Megan. Between the three of them, they convince Megan that nobody ever liked her and Megan explodes into a rain of pink dandruff. Then Loma, Teacup, and River become the bestest of friends forever! But nobody pisses on the pile of pink dandruff to make sure it doesn't reform into Megan! They've obviously never studied my guide to exorcism.

Mostly the guide is just using the excuse that you're exorcising ghosts when somebody catches you peeing on their stuff.

See?! A nice warm stream of piss would have kept the pink dandruff from floating around in the air! Which would have prevented it from going into Megan's mouth to settle in her uterus. Oh man. Does this mean blow jobs can get you pregnant?!

The Ranking!
No change! I already told you I don't have the expertise to judge this comic book! And judging by most of the other comic book reviewers on the Internet (you know, fat white guys who know how much an Alpha Black Lotus is worth), none of them have the expertise either!

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