Sinestro #9

I thought Mongul was still hiding from Brainiac in the Phantom Zone?

Lately every time I sit down to read another comic, I become overwhelmed by sadness and loss. I've been doing this commentary thing for a little over three years and during that time, I had a constant companion somewhere near me. On my desk. In my comic book boxes behind my head. On his comic book box perch beside me. Beside me in the lawn chair when writing out back in the summer. In my lap.

Judas, my best friend for fifteen years.

And lately it's just hit me how lonely it feels getting on the laptop to write another commentary without him nearby. Especially when it's a comic book that I don't really care about. I used to spend as much time petting Judas and talking to him as I did reading and writing. He was as good a distraction from tediousness as he was a deadly hunter of sticky hands and wacky wallwalkers. I just wanted to acknowledge my pain and sadness before trying to be funny. You know, grease the humor wheels!

Now that Sinestro can get back to his own storyline and he doesn't have to deal with Hal Jordan's next vehicle to show the universe that he means something, he's going to once again have to deal with The Paling. He'd thought he'd taken care of them before getting caught up in his best friend and most hated enemy's problems. But they're back! And they don't give a shit! Because giving a shit is the problem, you see? If you can just wipe emotion out of your life, you'll be free! Free to not care that you're being enslaved and manipulated by some pale, apathetic assholes. Free to not give a shit when they decimate your world and fuck your boyfriend. Free from worry! Free from strife! Free from choice! Free from joyfully cackling over ubiquitous videos of kittens misjudging jumps and falling on their faces. You're even free from feeling gratitude to The Paling for freeing you from the roller coaster of having emotions.

Besides Sinestro and his Corps, it looks like another group have a grudge against The Paling as well.

With laughter! Man the joke books! Memorize the Robin Williams' albums! And arm yourselves with sadness! Remember your dead friends! And arm yourselves with anger! Realize that Buck Buck and Old Weird Harold and Fat Albert and Noah and drifting backwards into the bay in a Volkswagen are tainted memories! Also arm yourselves with whatever other emotions exist. Willpower, I think?

Currently the Yellow Lanterns are in a fictional place (more fictional than the usual fictional places they hang out in) called "Sector 3601." Is that outside of the regular DC Universe? Cullen Bunn is the guy that doesn't know the difference between a galaxy and a universe, so he probably didn't do his due diligence on understanding the way the DC Universe is divided up into 3600 sectors. I'm sure he's going to use Sector 3601 as a sector outside of the Green Lantern Corps' jurisdiction. And it's possible that my understanding of the sectors is completely wrong and totally made up in my mind. But since the number is 3600, it seems to relate to the number of degrees in a circle. So I always pictured all the sectors extending outward from Oa in pyramid-like shapes, growing larger as they grew further from Oa. And every galaxy within that sector as it expanded to the edges of the known universe were patrolled by two Lanterns. Did I just make that up in my own logical and smarter than everybody else's head?

Sinestro ignores his underlings because he's in loOoOoOoOoOve with Bekka of New Genesis! Somebody get this pushover a Violet Ring already! Pee-yuke!

Arkillo is a little miffed about the situation since it was Bekka that cut off his fingers. Now he has to wear his yellow ring on fake yellow fingers of light. Why doesn't he just wear it on his other hand? Does he masturbate with the other hand and he doesn't like how the ring catches on his pubic hair? Actually, I don't think Arkillo has pubic hair since he seems to be evolved from some kind of walrus. I think those are mostly hairless! I should probably look that up instead of passing it on as an incorrect fact much the way Ann Nocenti would do.

Looking it up on the internet, source of all correct information, I found a picture of walruses from a distance with the caption that reads: The hair on a walrus is hard to see. Yeah, especially from twenty feet away! Thanks a lot, Internet. Anyway, they kind of have hair but it's not long enough to get caught in a ring while masturbating.

Black Mercys! Who could be behind this?! Seriously, I don't think Jim Starlin is writing this so who is it?

Sinestro sends Dez, Arkillo, and Soranik home so that he and Lyssa can face Mongul on their own. For some reason. Maybe Sinestro will Narration Box why he doesn't want his army with him when he faces Mongul. Knowing Sinestro's complex character traits and myriad motivations, I'm sure the reason he wants to face Mongul alone will be unguessable. Or it's his pride.

Sinestro does indeed find Mongul waiting for him. Mongul and Warworld. That's funny because I thought they were in the Phantom Zone. But what do I know, right? I'm just a slacker with an internet tested IQ of 28 who has read just about every DC Comic book since The New 52 began. That doesn't mean I remember any of it!

I suppose, if I don't want to be a pesky dickface, I can assume that when the Phantom Zone Projector exploded at the end of the Doomed story arc, that it freed Mongul and Warworld and shot them into the fictional Sector 3601. I suppose, if I want to be gracious and kind, I can believe that. Fuck gracious and kind. Somebody screwed up!

I don't know why Mongul called Sinestro out to fight in Sector 3601 after school but here we are! Sinestro mentions that Mongul's skin is too tough for his light to penetrate, so he sends his yellow construct up through Mongul's dickhole. No, seriously. He asks Mongul where Mongul thinks he was able to breach Mongul's defenses: "Your pores? Beneath a fingernail? Through a hair follicle?"

That smile definitely says "dickhole."

I guess sometime in pre-Flashpoint, Sinestro kicked Mongul's ass and this plan is just Mongul's way of getting revenge. Mongul mentions something called the Mongul Corps, so this must have happened in the Geoff Johns Rainbow Years where Geoff Johns just thought he was the smartest fucker in the room. Probably thought he had an IQ of like 32 or something. Braggart.

Sinestro hates Mongul because he sees himself in Mongul and he hates himself. So why does he hate Jordan? Because he sees somebody totally different from himself and he hates everybody totally different from himself? Does Sinestro not like anything?

Just as Sinestro is about to unleash his killing blow on Mongul, he's blasted out of his uniform by some glowing fucker. This guy claims to be a member of the Apex League and they need Sinestro's help to defeat The Paling! Probably.

My guesses as to the identities of the Apex League from left to right: Ennui, Star Cluster Face, Naked Robot, Flaming Duck Feet, Curmudgeon, and The Grump.

Sinestro #9 Rating: No change. I don't know. At least the artist knew which one of Arkillo's hands was maimed. I guess that shows somebody put some effort into this comic book. And how about that last page reveal of the evil villain group?! I've never seen that done before! Now I'm excited for next month's issue to find out who they are! Too bad by next month, I'll have completely forgotten how this issue ended and I'll open up the issue and think, "Who the fuck are these guys?"