Superman's thumb is jacked up.
The Virus has pretty much infected everybody except Wonder Woman, Superman, and Lex Luthor. Maybe a few other billion humans haven't been affected either but when have they mattered? I'm only discussing characters that will get a few lines in this comic book. Now they have to battle the other members of the Justice League who have turned into a bunch of zombies controlled by some kind of virus hive mind. I expect about ten pages at least to be wasted on another good guy on good guy battle before Lex Luthor points out that Superman's body is full of antibodies so he needs to start pissing in the eyes of the infected to cure them. If that doesn't happen, I'm going to be severely disappointed.
You also battled her more recently in the pages of Batwoman! Remember?! Or is that story, like the Killer Croc story from Batwoman, not canon anymore?! It had one of the top ten emotional moments for me in The New 52 when Diana put Pegasus out of his misery!
The best part about getting to fight her mind controlled teammates is that Wonder Woman gets to take out all of her frustrations on them without paying any kind of cost. Batman was a condescending prick? Break his nose! Once caught Shazam trying to peak down your top? Kick him in the balls. Flash made too many corny jokes? Break his...oh wait. I was thinking of Wally. Flash bored you over and over and over again? Break Barry's ankle.
Captain Cold joins the battle to fight by Wonder Woman's side.
Hmm. This seems oddly familiar!
This is Doom Bunny as Wonder Woman and me as Captain Cold! Just in case half of you internet denizens can't tell, my outfit is blue and gold, not white and black!
Which means you're going to have to piss in everybody's eyes! Get the Gatorade ready! Stat!
Lex Luthor pouts because he didn't get to save the day his way. Although the day is far from saved! I'm sure a big twist is about to happen! Like Patient Zero escaping with his heat vision!
Except that doesn't happen. Everybody gets vaccinated except for those few families that don't understand science so I guess they die instead. Or The Flash just inoculates them when they aren't looking and then throws a dead bee on the ground near them so they're none the wiser. But three percent of the infected get to retain their super powers! It's like Bloodlines all over again! A whole bunch of new heroes waiting for Work For Hire writers to create them so DC can cash in on the ones that become popular! Three cheers for corporate greed!
Plus some guy named Amos Fortune eats a candy cigarette as he watches the sunset and thinks about how none of the assassins he sent out managed to kill Lex Luthor.
And what of Patient Zero?!
Surprise twist! He's the new Amazo!
Justice League #39 Rating: +2 Ranking because Captain Cold was pretty much the hero. Everybody should start kissing his ass now. This is probably a better version of Amazo simply because I like him being an incubator for a sentient virus more than I like him being a robot. And I guess we're not done with Darkseid since next issue is the prelude to something called The Darkseid War. Fucking Christ. After World's End, I really don't care if I never read another Darkseid or Apokolips story in my life! I might have to kill myself before Justice League #41. Not #40 because I think I can handle a prelude! Plus I don't want to miss the big Conversion Event!
No comments:
Post a Comment