Red Lanterns #38

Goodbye Charles Soule! We loved you! And by "we" I mean "me" but I'm blushing and embarrassed and covering my face and kicking my foot awkwardly and trying not to stare too hard as you zoom around the roller rink.

Landry Q. Walker is the new writer. He's twenty-five days older than I am which is good because I hate to see people younger than me being all successful and shit. He's also from my neck of the woods having, apparently, gone to De Anza High School which I didn't go to but, like I said, it's in my hometown neck of the woods. And by "woods" I guess I just mean a fairly large chunk of area around the Bay Area. He's from the north bay further on in to central California toward Sacramento while I grew up down in the south bay just outside San Jose. Neither of the places we actually grew up would normally be referred to as being anywhere near a bay but fuck you. Here's another boring sentence full of shit you don't care about just in case you're into that kind of stuff. Here's one more (but shorter!).

This issue begins with Guy Gardner back on Earth to take care of some of the devastation caused by Atrocitus when he gathered up an army of angry Earthlings to battle the Red Lanterns. Apparently all the naive, happy-go-lucky bullshit spouted by Simon Baz on New Genesis was just baby's tears off a Gardner's back. It's hard to tell a guy wearing a ring that amplifies your anger that he's a hero. I mean, it's easy to tell him! It's hard to make him believe you. Maybe Guy was believing it a little bit there for a second. Maybe his heart was beginning to grow three sizes that day. But then Charles Soule gave up on him and went to write stupid dumb Marvel characters that are probably super stupid and dumb because if I didn't convince myself of that, I'd wind up spending $3.99 or more for their comic books. Who wants to do that? Why are comic books so expensive?! I'm already buying Moon Knight and Inhumans and Ms. Marvel! What more does Marvel want from me? I have boxes and boxes of their comics from around the year 2000! Do I have to keep proving to them that I don't hate them? Why does Marvel have such low self-esteem?! Okay, fine! I'm sorry I called your characters stupid and dumb! They're good characters if you're into that sort of thing. And by "that sort of thing," I mean paying $3.99 or more per comic book.

Guy has been using his ring to read the minds of raging citizens of Calvin City. They're all sharing the same angry thoughts and Guy is looking for the source of the rage which spreads easily from one citizen to another. Oh! I bet it's some form of social media!

The anger might be coming from the FEMA Deathcamps! So, yeah, the rage started on Facebook from your old high school friends that believe in Project Cloverleaf, Obamacare Death Panels, and everything David Icke has ever written about.

The dead people are still angry and they're infecting other people that aren't dead or something. It's very American Scream-like from the early days of Peter Milligan's Shade the Changing Man. In those early issues, the American Scream would infect one person and amplify their insanity, thus changing the reality around them. In some cases, it was localized to a building or small area. And in one case, it was as extreme as what Guy seems to be dealing with here. In that case, San Francisco had to be wiped off the map by the military.

People begin attacking Guy and he thinks about killing them because he thinks they're already dead but then he also thinks that killing them won't solve the problem. Because they're already dead? Anyway, Guy sure is doing a lot of thinking! Who does he think he is? The World's Greatest Detective? Pshaw! Hardly!

Guy comes to the conclusion that he's the problem and the solution! I hope Supergirl saves him!

The people beating up Guy Gardner burn up from their anger leaving Guy alone to feel angrier and saddier and self-pitier than ever before! Now I'm angry!

Red Lanterns #38 Rating: No change. I want to give this a minus one ranking because I don't want Guy to be this sad and angry but how can I? The story is doing what I'm constantly asking comic book stories to do: acknowledging the consequences of the way the heroes go about their business. Guy may not have been the direct cause of these people's death and suffering but he knows that this never would have happened if he hadn't gone to Ysmault in the first place and humiliated Atrocitus. And as a hero, he can't help but feel that this is all on him. And it is, I guess. These people are the casualties in his war to make the universe a better place. At least Guy is fucking acknowledging the collateral damage caused by his attempt to do good. That's more than a lot of other heroes ever do (*cough* Batman *cough*).