Detective Comics #39

Apparently Harley Quinn is 75 years old this month!

Back when Animaniacs was first on the air, my mother, who, at times, can be a bit of a nutty whackjob (that's the polite term, I think), took the opening of the show seriously and truly believed that Wakko, Yakko, and Dot had been around in the 1930s. Always wanting to be cooler than the cool kids in the popular culture cool room, she would constantly tell people who mentioned the show how much she had loved the Warner Brothers and their Sister Dot when she was a kid, way before all the people who were just now discovering them. I think I tried to tell her once that that was just a fictional opening to set up the premise for the show and she got angry that I was calling her crazy, so I dropped it because hinting that my mother might have been crazy really made her crazy. And besides, what did I know?! It's not like I had the internet to prove she was wrong. What if she had been right?! I had been known to be absolutely wrong about things simply because I was ignorant of stuff that happened before I was born, or during my life which I wasn't paying attention to, or shit I was just ignoring because it was more convenient to believe lies. What if I were to look up the history of the Animaniacs on the internet right now and discover my mother was correct?! You know what? That's too scary a thought to contemplate. I'm just going to walk away right now before I enter a world of complete madness.

But who knew Harley Quinn was 75 years old, right?!

The issue begins with Batman threatening to slit Harvey's throat if he doesn't take him back through the Taco Bell drive-thru to correct his Fourth Meal order.

"No injustice is too small to be ignored, Bullock."

Last issue, Bullock's possible first romantic interest that didn't involve a cash transaction shot an innocent boy on the street while chasing a robbery suspect. The Gotham Police decided it would be best to publicly blame Batman because nobody wants to take that kind of heat, amirite? If I accidentally shot a boy while trying to murder somebody else, I'd totally blame whoever else was standing next to me after shooting them, then putting the gun in their hand and manipulating their finger to pull the trigger to shoot myself in the arm. Then I'd be a hero for wrestling the gun out of their hands and killing them before any other innocent boys were shot! And my freedom would have only cost one extra innocent life! That's a small price to pay for freedom! I hear freedom isn't free, so I'm just, you know, paying my tab and shit.

Batman understands Bullock's position because he was in a movie a few years ago where Two-Face killed some people and blew up a bunch of shit and Batman was all, "Hey Gordon. Go ahead and blame me because I'm going to go on vacation for eight years anyway and we wouldn't want Harvey Dent's reputation tarnished just because he tried to kill everybody after having half of his face melted off and going batshit insane."

Batman recaps what's been going on over the last few issues. Anarky gave every citizen of Gotham a mask and a bunch of them have decided they get to break whatever laws they want with no fear of punishment. Batman says "most people" but that's fucking bullshit. Most people are inherently good and calm and kind. Even if they were given a magic mask, they still wouldn't decide to murder and kill and go on a spree of vandalism and mayhem. The problem is, you don't need "most people" to suddenly decide laws don't matter. You actually only need a very small percentage of a city's population to rise up at once and go nuts for everything to break down. I just wish Batman would acknowledge that fact instead of deciding that "for most, these masks have ignited a troubling amount of violence and hatred within." If that's true, just fucking let Gotham burn because it's not fucking worth it.

I wonder if this story is supposed to be some kind of analogy about trolls and the internet?

Stop being such a pessimistic sour grumphole. This is a small percentage of Gothamites turning law and order upside down. Just put on the cowl and get to fucking work stopping the chaos, asshole.

Youth and anonymity have historically been the two biggest factors in trolling. Before the internet, kids were trolling people on CB Radios. Before that, trolling was done via graffiti. Before that, I don't know. Shaving the side of a Wooly Mammoth? What am I? A trolling historian?! In elementary school, I once wrote on the sidewalk, in pencil, "Fuck Peter Martin" in front of Peter Martin's house. For no fucking good reason at all. Absolutely none. Somebody saw me and I got into huge trouble. But it wasn't the anger and the yelling and the punishment that taught me anything. It was the shame of having done something hurtful and stupid. And I had no good or bad reason to do it. Simply no reason at all. Just a stupid, youthful impulse. I put bullshit into the world thinking I could just walk away from the consequences. Being anonymous, I didn't even think there would be consequences, for me or for Peter Martin whose feelings I didn't even consider. I didn't even have any kind of beef against him! I was just in front of his house when the thought struck me!

I think with the internet, the age factor in trolling has leveled out across the board. I have a feeling there exists a substantial number of adults in a state of arrested development living lives in which they feel powerless and put upon. The internet lets them vent and then walk away without ever considering the feelings of the people on the other end of their rage. There's no feedback system where they have to deal with the consequences of their hatred and vitriol. Is there a way to send electrical shocks through the internet whenever a person pushes "Publish" on a horrible comment? I suppose I'd have to deal with a certain amount of voltage every time I post a commentary on a Scott Lobdell comic book. But it would probably still be worth it. It's not like I'm a completely anonymous asshole ranting for no good reason! Scott Lobdell must be stopped! Although I have high hopes for his new books beginning in June! It's time to clean the slate and start again. Kind of. I mean, Lobdell cleans the slate and starts again every month anyway, amirite?!

Wait. Wasn't I reading a Batman comic? Why do I always get so distracted? And even my digressions just kind of peter out until I digress back into the comic book! Which isn't technically a digression as much as just righting the train car and getting back on track. Or something.

"Mask. Mad Hatter. People acting out of control. What is the connection, Alfred? I just can't put my finger on it!" *fingers mask*

Batman has decided there is a connection between Jeb Lester (the guy Anarky set on fire and threw out of Wayne Tower) and The Mad Hatter. Harvey has decided that there is a connection between Jeb Lester and Sam Young (the guy whose briefcase Jeb Lester had on him before he was set on fire and thrown out of Wayne Tower). Both of them have evidence of a place called "The Blue House" that's connected to Sam Young and the kids killed by The Mad Hatter and Jeb Lester and whatever else I can't remember. So Batman and Bullock head out to the Blue House to find some more clues!

Batman and Bullock get jumped by a bunch of Maskies while The Mad Hatter is broken out of Blackgate by Anarky. He's thrown in the trunk of a car and taken away. I bet they go to The Blue House because the plots really need to come together. I can't keep everything straight if the plot threads keep fraying.

After the brawl, Batman discovers the masks are full of Mad Hatter technology because sometimes Batman is too distracted to be the World's Greatest Detective earlier in the comic book when he's fingering masks. But Bullock finds the biggest clue of them all! A portrait of Jeb Lester and a bunch of kids in front of The Blue House. Also in the painting? Jervis Tetch with a rake creepily staring at a young girl in front of him. How many Alices can one man have?

And finally, I think Jervis was better off in prison.

Detective Comics #39 Rating: +1 Ranking. If I weren't already reading every title published by DC Comics, I'd still pick up every book illustrated by Manapul and Buccellato. They're simply gorgeous. And they tell a good story too! I suppose if they told a shitty story, I wouldn't care how good the art was because even though I love what the medium of comics can do mixing art and writing, I'm still 90% about the writing and 16% about the art.