Deathstroke #4

Harley is as big as one of Deathstroke's legs! Happy to see Tony S. Daniel is continuing to pursue the realistic route in his art.

Oh my god! Look at all the smoke and blood and weapons! I am so excited to read this comic book! You guys have no idea how many boners are going on in my office right now! Unless you understand human anatomy and then you might be able to make a fairly educated guess.

The issue begins in Russia in Red Fury's cozy safe house where he's brought Bronze Tiger and Slade Wilson to talk about the killing of Odysseus. Wouldn't it be great if Tony S. Daniel kept this story arc going for twenty years?! I don't know if I'd still be alive to finish it. I hope they have spinner racks in hell!

Bronze Tiger is currently being mind-controlled by Red Fury. But instead of just saying, "Dude, I can control people's minds!", for an explanation, he says, "Dude, I fucking manipulated his temporal lobe which is associated with perception, memory, speech, and auditory stimuli. Ain't no motherfucker gonna say Tony S. Daniel don't fuckin' do no research on his books!"

I think Slade shits himself in that middle panel.

So I've already read one page and no Harley Quinn. Come on! Why do you think people bought this issue?!

Bronze Tiger begins freaking out and screaming at Slade to kill her. Slade is all, "Her who? I don't see any 'her' here? Just me and Red Fury and I know I'm not a her because I looked at my junk in issue #2." Then Slade is all "Oh! Hey!" and jabs some of that truth serum into Red Fury's shoulder. Oh wait, I'm giving him too much credit. He does that just because he's curious. He doesn't realize Red Fury is the woman until he tears her shirt off and gets a peak at her lacy bra.

This is the panel immediately following the panel where Slade tears her top and reveals her boobs. "Well, since you've seen my tits, I guess I don't need to hide my face anymore!"

After Deathstork Deathstroke stabbed Red Fury with the serum, she said, "You've forced my hand, Slade. I'm sorry I have to hurt you." Then she attacked him with flaming blades. But as soon as he ripped her shirt and got a peak at her bosoms, she stopped attacking him. I guess that's her weakness?

Red Fury's real name is Kendal which is kind of weird since that's the name of the Non-Certified Spouse. She works for the Dead Bastards which, again, is weird because samesies again! As Kendal begins to spill all of her beans right into Slade's brain, the room suddenly fills up with Dead Bastards. Some guy named the Spanish Inquisitor that nobody expected shows up. Angelica turns back up alive and ready to jam Slade's new, young cock straight up her anal sphincter. Then I-Ching arrives and goes, "You owe me for the Rug Doctor rental. Fucking brains all over my new carpet, you prick."

Angelica can't stand looking twenty years old and asks I-Ching to do to her what he did to Slade to make him young because she looks like a fucking hag amongst all the fourteen year old girls Daniel loves to draw. But I-Ching is all, "Let me do a quick casting for you. The Hexagram says, 'Try again later.'"

I just did a virtual casting of the I-Ching and asked, "Will I become legendary?" My casting came up with Hexagram Fifteen, Chi'en/Modesty. "The Mountain does not overshadow the Plain surrounding it: Such modest consideration in a Superior Person creates a channel through which excess flows to the needy." See? "Superior Person!" I'll take that as a yes!

It's odd that the Spanish Inquisitor chose to use "suppressors" instead of "oppressors." But then, maybe he's being very specific about his word choice. Contrariwise, perhaps Tony S. Daniel is just a clumsy writer.

Slade's reaction to learning that The Dead Bastards want him to kill his father to keep this power out of the hands of all governments is to say, "There's got to be another way. You want me to kill my own father." You mean like you thought you had already done just for the erection it gave you last issue? The guy you hate so much you wanted to kill? Now it's going to be an issue because other people want him dead as well? Remember what I said about some guy being a clumsy writer a few sentences ago?

Slade, of course, says that he never would have agreed to killing his own father if not for the way his brain was fucked with. You do know, Tony S. Daniel, that all I have to do is pick up Issue #2 and reread it to know you're just changing shit on the fly to agree with the current plot you're writing, right? Or am I supposed to have forgotten how Slade was thoroughly excited to be murdering his own father since that was two whole months ago? And anything that sort of contradicts itself can just be edited when the trade comes out, right?

I can't wait until Tony S. Daniel loses the job on this title and another writer comes in and makes Slade old again!

Meanwhile somewhere else in the world that Tony S. Daniel doesn't feel like researching so he just labels it "Elsewhere," Odysseus manipulates Lady Shiva's temporal lobe which is associated with perception, memory, speech, and auditory stimuli. Which is why she pledges her loyalty and the loyalty of the League of Assassins to him. Oh boy, Ra's is going to be fucking pissed!

Bronze Tiger arrives to tell Lady Shiva that Jericho is in Gotham and that maybe they should all go to Gotham to catch him. He throws out a second plan where maybe they don't set foot into Gotham because he doesn't want to get humiliated by The Batman so maybe they just watch all the bridges and pick up Jericho when he's leaving?

Last issue ended with Slade finding out Jericho was in Gotham and getting ready to head out. But now it's been ten pages and Slade still isn't in Gotham even though Harley Quinn is right there on the cover making all of the Harley Fans ruin their underwear. I think Tony S. Daniel was inspired to add more twists to the story before sending Deathstroke to Gotham between writing the scripts for Issue #3 and Issue #4.

Tony Daniel: "So Deathstroke will board a plane to America but first he has to get a new passport since his old passport has the face of an old, half-blind man on it. Maybe I could do a double splash page of him waiting in line for his passport photo in an old Russian camera store full of old VHS recorders and Polaroids! Then finally he sits down to get his photo taken and the guy takes the picture before he's ready, so he kills him and all eighteen other creatures in the store, most of them wild, hungry dogs. No, no. That might be too boring. Oh! What if I make Red Fury a woman?! Holy shit! Then I could draw her tits and I'll actually be interested in drawing her when her mask comes off! And maybe she'll be working with a group of characters that we've already seen so I can just look at my old drawings from Issue #1 when I draw them! And they'll be called the Dead Bastards because that sounds cool, right? I guess I can push the Harley stuff back to the end of the issue even though it's too late to change the cover. Hmm, I wonder if I sent those photos I took of the young girls at the mall to David Finch yet?"

Tony S. Daniel did think about the passport problem as well since Bronze Tiger mentions Slade will be taking "undocumented transport" to Gotham. Then Odysseus and Lady Shiva think, "How did this guy kill Deathstroke and get information out of him when he's just this minor B-list kung fu guy?" So Odysseus looks deep into his soul which is a lot like a prostate exam. He discovers Bronze Tiger isn't lying (or at least doesn't know he's lying! *wink wink* (I probably shouldn't wink since that's an ableist privilege that characters with one eye, like Odysseus, can't engage in without explaining that they were winking and not blinking)) and decides to send Bronze Tiger, Lady Shiva, and five of his "best-suited followers" to Gotham.

Really? There's no other way to determine your best followers? Maybe an obstacle course? I bet the last five standing are fifteen year old girls!

Oh! Since the action is moving to Gotham, maybe Tony S. Daniel will be the first person since David Finch created the White Rabbit to actually use her in a story arc instead of just sticking her in background shots of multiple Gotham villains! She's the type of character he loves to draw!

Finally the action moves over to Gotham City where Harley Quinn continues to wait to appear in the comic book because first we need the Rose Wilson/Joey Wilson reunion! And forgive me if I begin to curse like the fabled sailors of yore because it's a fucking disaster. Once again, I'm haunted by the previous versions of New 52 Deathstroke (as well as Preboot Deathstroke too! So all you New 52 haters can join right along with this rant. You know the words!). First off, and least offensive, is Rose Wilson's new costume. She's either working with her grandfather or she idolizes him so much that her entire costume is based on the fact that he's missing his left eye. Second, she calls Joey her "little brother." So that throws some wrenches into Deathstroke's past. Is Rose actually Adeline's daughter now? Or did Deathstroke have an affair with Rose's mother while still with Adeline? If that were the case, how do Rose and Joey Jericho have such a tight bond? Maybe Tony S. Daniel will answer those questions later since he obviously doesn't give a shit about any of Deathstroke's previous history. Lastly, Rose, like her father, calls Joey "Jericho" while weeping and hugging him and promising to never let anybody hurt him ever again. I really don't think Tony Daniel knows Jericho's actual name (the name his family would most probably call him by!) is Joseph!.

Deathstroke Career Kill Count: 934 (I just thought, since he has yet to draw a weapon this issue (although he did rip a bodice!) that I'd remind myself of the kill count!)

I guess the undocumented travel report from Bronze Tiger was a lie! Also, nobody expected the Spanish Inquisitor to be gay!

And finally on page 16, Harley Quinn makes an appearance! Tony S. Daniel does his best at "silly" which isn't very good at all but what can you do? At least he draws her like she actually looks (ten years ago). Harley and Slade spend a few panels discussing the betrayal of the Suicide Squad which Harley promised Amanda on the phone last issue Slade would pay for. But then by the fourth panel of their meeting, Slade declares "that's in the past," and it's time to move on to Tony S. Daniel's story. Why should he have to deal with the mess Sean Ryan left behind after his first arc on Suicide Squad? Tony S. Daniel has funny Harley lines to write!

Harley and Slade negotiate a nonsensical deal to work together. So no money and no dead Amanda Waller but Slade will get Harley off the Squad? But she seems like she's off the squad all the time in her own title! This Harley Quinn must be a clown! I mean clone!

Harley doesn't really care about helping Deathstroke for any amount of anything. As she constantly tells him, panel after panel, she's a little bit upset about the way he betrayed the team in Russia. So she's just luring him into a trap. And a double page spread!

I hope Batman asks Deathstroke about the time Deathstroke, hopped up on Venom, dropped out of the sky onto the Batplane!

Deathstroke #4 Rating: No change. That was a pretty disappointing Harley Quinn guest appearance! She just killed time for a few pages until Batman could show up and really make this comic book some money! But was it worth pissing off all of the Harley Quinn fans with a Harley Quinn cover only to have her in about five pages of comic book? By DC's standards, probably! Not like any of them wouldn't have already been wary about a Harley appearance in a Tony S. Daniel book. But next issue is Batman versus Deathstroke! That should sell a million copies! Especially since Harley Quinn will still be in it and even Harley fans will have to admit they're going to stick around to see Harley comment on the fight! Even if Tony S. Daniel doesn't quite have her voice down. Unless he does? How should I know! I just like Harley Quinn because of her body!