World's End #19

Val-el's crotch is grossing me out.

Pee-yuke! Who wants to look at man crotch?! Gross people, that's who! It's probably all sweaty and stinky with scrotum skin sticking to everything so that Val-el's testicles look like some kind of spider dragon. And his penis is probably all smashed up against his leg looking like a baby sea cucumber recently frightened by a passing Clown Fish. Not that Power Girl's crotch is probably any better right now! It's probably all sweaty and puckered with loose pubes sticking out all over the place. Although I'd still like to look at it!

I hate World's End! I haven't even opened the cover and it already has me talking about untoward subjects! Now I have to climb into the closet and beat myself for ten minutes. Be right back!

Okay, so when we last left this comic book, we were all extraordinarily happy to leave the comic book. We set it gently aside and smiled, seeing the rest of the World's End free week stretch out in front of us. But time is a methodical bastard and it betrays us over and over again. So before any of us knew it, a week had passed and here, once again, in our hands is another issue of World's End. It sits there taunting us with that word: end. Will it ever? For most of you, it probably ended weeks ago, possibly months ago when you realized this comic book had nothing to offer but pain and despair. So you left me to shoulder the burden, to trudge on ahead and clear the way. Fine. I'll go on without you. Without any of you! But if I find gold, it's mine, you hear?! All mine!

Wait! If it kills the inevitability of death, nobody can die! The world will be saved! New plan guys!

The Deathspawn of Apokolips begins trying to crack open the Earth to get to its core. The Parliament of the Green tells Queen Lantern that if it succeeds, it will mean the death of the world! And then the monster succeeds and Queen Lantern says, "I'm going to go after it!" And The Parliament of the Green says, "No, you know what? Maybe it won't be so bad. Let's figure something else out."

Meanwhile in Atom Shaven, Earth-2's last survivors have to deal with earthquakes and cave-ins. But that's going to happen when you decide to take refuge in the center of the Earth to survive the destruction of the Earth. Idiots.

Dick Grayson is still hunting for his son who he threw on a train with a bunch of strangers and decided not to get on the train for some reason. I thought he just didn't want his son anymore but now all he's doing is searching for him, so he must want him something awful. So why did he get rid of him in the first place then?

Constantine's friends, the ones he broke out of The Arkham Coma Cylinders, have some kind of plan in mind. Why did Constantine even bother to break them out? They didn't help him in any way! He was in London then he was breaking them out of Arkham then he was in Chicago and then he ditched them to go back to London! Why doesn't this comic book make any sense at all?!

From now on, I'm calling it Apokpolips. And Darkrseid. And New Genenesis. And Highghfagather.

Even the characters have decided they don't give a fuck about the story anymore. Nobody is taking it seriously! Mister Terrific, upon blasting off in a rocket to go find the Multiversal Ship they're going to use to go to Earth-Main-Earth, says, "It's been said before but this time I really mean it...Let's go save the world!" Pee-yuke! And then Power Girl says, "Have superbody, will travel." What the fuck does that even mean?! I think Daniel, Marguerite, and Mike have simply left the scripting to the letterer.

We? Val-el is a pacifist. He just watched you destroy the army, Power Girl.

Meanwhile, Replacement Batman and The Huntress head off to New York to find whatever Oliver Queen supposedly has for The Huntress. I don't know why Earth-2 Green Arrow (Red Arrow? I'm so confused!) doesn't live in Seattle. The West Coast had one fucking super hero and the East Coast had to take him as well. Earth-2 really is a nightmare version of Earth-Main-Earth.

I think I might have jumped to the wrong conclusion because it seems Replacement Batman and The Huntress are searching one of Sloan's lairs. I blame this incomprehensible comic book for being both hard to follow and terribly written. And boring too!

I wish! Characters keep promising that it is the end but it never is the end! The story just keeps going and going!

World's End #19 Rating: -2 Ranking. Why won't Earth-2 just fucking burn already?!