Saturday, July 12, 2014

Superboy #33

Hey! That's Superboy! The living weapon created by N.O.W.H.E.R.E!

I liked N.O.W.H.E.R.E. when it wasn't an organization. It was just an unknown place where certain Men were from! The Doom Patrol weren't sitting around going, "I wonder what N.O.W.H.E.R.E. is up to this week?" No, Doom Patrol were always sitting around going, "Nobody likes us." And then The Men From N.O.W.H.E.R.E. would appear saying things like, "Never oscillate wantonly! Hop energetically! Rotate elusively!" Then Rebis would be all, "I got my penis in my vagina!" And Crazy Jane would be all, "Cliff, fuck me!" And Dorothy would be all, "Does anybody have any pads?! The Candleman is coming!" And then Cliff would probably shout, "What the hell is going on in this comic book?!"

But N.O.W.H.E.R.E. no longer has any weird men. It just has Ravagers and Harvest. They're far more confusing than those other guys.

That's not a fair description of The New Newsboy Legion. There weren't any black cast members in Beverly Hills, 90210.

Before I get "actually'd" by everybody, Leash was talking about the original show with Shannon Doherty and not the recent show that was simply called 90210. How do I know? Well, I read the following panels that I didn't scan which make it clear that he meant the older show. It also meant that he was put into stasis by Harvest in 1997 which really throws a spanner into the continuity works! But I'm not interested in dredging up the past with this comic book! I'm carefully remaining within the continuity confines of Aaron Kuder's run of this series. It's the only way I can stay sane reading The New 52 Superboy. When it comes to his origin and his past, there's one simple rule: ignore, ignore, ignore!

Inside the N.O.W.H.E.R.E. facility which Hammersmith and Leash were lucky to be thrown out of, Superboy has become dozens of Superboys because he touched himself. Is that what happens to people on Krypton when they masturbate? No wonder they had such a huge problem with clones!

Jon-el and Kon-el have been kicked out of the universe for engaging in aberrant behavior. But now they have time to explain what's going on with lots and lots and lots of words! More words than you can imagine being in a comic book! Nope! You're not imagining enough! Even more than that!

There were just as many words on the previous page. It takes a lot of explaining to straighten out Superboy's New 52 history!

This is what happens when you let Scott Lobdell write a character unedited for too long! It's like he's sharfed (shit/barfed) all over the party. Now Aaron Kuder has been sent in to clean it all up while Lobdell does unspeakable things to Jason Todd, Roy Harper, and Starfire. Those poor characters.

Superboy and Superboy soon find themselves battling Superboy for control of Superboy's body. Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, Superboy, and the New Newsboy Legion stand around watching the body of Superboy grow three heads and scream a lot. Then there's an explosion and the three main Superboy's separate, leaving everybody unconscious (or very nearly so) except for mean Superboy who laughs maniacally and leaks black shit all over everything.

Superboy #33 Rating: No change. It's hard to believe that this story is helping to clear up Superboy's past so that DC will be left with one uncomplicated Superboy who is simply a clone of Superman. I guess things are always most confusing before the clarity! That's a saying, right? Anyway, I don't see those assholes over at C.O.M.I.C.S.V.E.R.S.E. explaining it any better!

No comments:

Post a Comment