Futures End #12

Of course when you send a group of heroes to fight a high technological threat in deep space, you want to arm them with melee weapons.

Current status: Hungry.
Supplemental Status: Not hungry enough to overcome laziness.

People are constantly wondering when the future will arrive and we'll have teleporters and food replicators and hover cars and jet packs. I just want a mind-controlled food replicator that teleports the food into my stomach. We're in the year 2014 and we're not better off than the hunter/gatherers of yore! I probably have more to say about this but now I can't get the superhero name, Yore Mom, out of my head. Maybe she can team up with Madame Edamame!

Oh! I just realized how we are better off than those stupid ancestors of ours although I never utilize this civilized option: food delivery! Why am I not taking advantage of this astounding invention? Is it possible I'm not hungry enough nor am I lazy enough to overcome how ultimately cheap I am?! Yeah, I think that's it.

I probably shouldn't call my ancestors "stupid." They were smart enough to survive long enough to fuck so that eventually I would be here, miserable and hungry and awash in multiple existentialist crises! The jerks!

Has the future arrived yet? I'm still hungry! I guess I have to read a comic book on an empty stomach. Nobody has ever had it so rough.

Currently in Futures End, Frankenstein, Hawkman, and Amethyst have discovered a planet full of robots with that secret Futures End symbol on their faces! This must be the planet of the Evil Mr Smarty Pants (that's the non-gender specific form of "mister." You know the one. The one I just declared exists). The robots are not very happy to meet them nor are they very good at the science.

Why differentiate "necrotic" from "carbon-based"? And isn't Hawkman technically an Nth Metal based life form?

The robots seem to be a combination of Geiger's alien and Lucas's battle droids. They also have all the effectiveness of Stormtroopers because they can't even beat three people armed with medieval weapons. The Engineer appears on the scene although she's switched sides. She spouts some nonsense in binary and subdues the heroes all by herself.

Anybody have any ideas what the Evil Mr Smarty Pants three circles connected by two lines symbol might stand for? It just looks like a water molecule to me. Except all the atoms are the same size, so that can't be it. It could represent ozone except I think ozone's three oxygen molecules bind in three ways, so forget I even brought it up. It could just be a really easy maze! Maybe it's a representation of a reproductive system? It could also be the symbol for the way DC can only think up Borg-like threats to the universe where the bad guy constantly assimilates everybody else to become like-minded circles!

Back on earth, a bunch of stuff is happening between Voodoo and Faraday and some person named Mercy that's actually named Courtney so might be Stargirl five years down the line and post punked to the hilt. It's all written in a way that doesn't let the reader know anything that's actually going on but supposed to make the reader think, "I'm so excited to find out what's going on!" Of course, I'm just thinking, "Tell me what the fuck is going on, you stupid fucking comic book assholes! Stop stringing me along not telling me what the story I'm reading is all about before I stop reading your stupid fucking story and burn down the local church!"

My anger can get out of control sometimes. Especially when I'm hungry! According to Snickers commercials (unless it's a different candy bar), I must look like the television well girl from Ringu right now!

"Love that song"? I can get that it's perfect on hold music, but love? I wonder if Voodoo ever stripped to it?

After a short scene in which Rampage finds out that the man she broke out of prison (Ethan) never meant to cure her, the comic book jumps thirty-five years into the future for a short visit with The Joker in Akrham. Brother Eye has a plan for him. Of course, it's a plan that the reader can only speculate about, seeing as how the issue ends before it is revealed.

Being that Infinite Crisis had a half-Batman, half-Joker picture, I suppose they're going to be surgically conjoined.

Futures End #12 Rating: No change. If you're not reading this series, don't worry about picking it up yet. I think it's still on the prologue!