Batgirl #33

Why do so many people want Gotham so badly? Is there a secret cache of gold hidden in the walls?

Why is everybody constantly fighting for control of Gotham? What's so special about Gotham? Or is it just that nobody respects The Batman and the Batfamily? Nobody battles for control of Metropolis like this! Is that because Lex Luthor and Intergang and Superman and the Legion of Newsboys are too formidable? I think it's because Metropolis runs so smoothly. Suicide Slums is the only place with cheap real estate and nobody's trying to improve it because that will drive the poverty stricken, desperate people that love the thug life into other parts of the city. Property values across the rest of the city are probably pretty stable. But I bet there is a fortune to be made on real estate in Gotham! Buy property in the crime infested areas of town, wait for Batman to clean them up, sell high as the area is gentrified, and repeat as another part of town collapses under the weight of thugs dressed as clowns. Batman could probably clean the place up but Bruce Wayne likes making money too much. Batman should be the poster child for gentrification.

But enough about Batman! Apparently this comic book is about Batgirl. She's anti-gentrification which is why she's after Nightfell. I think. Maybe she's after Nightfell because Charise is crazy, runs a crew of super powered thugs, and keeps people as pets. Of course she's also rich and powerful! I bet Bruce Wayne would love it if Batgirl brought down Charise Carnes once and for all. He'll buy up all of her property for pennies and then make sure to install skylights in all the buildings.

This issue begins with Batgirl going mental on The Huntress because Batgirl is prejudiced against people from Earth 2. Who wouldn't be? Damn Twofers. Go home! Don't bring over your diseases we're not resistant to, you grubby schmucks! Stop trying to take our New Earth jobs! Look at poor Helena Bertinelli having to take a job with Spyral because you stole her gig! Boo! Hiss!

Lucky for Batgirl she didn't fight back! This Huntress has Earth 2 Catwoman training!

Once Batgirl calms down, she and her extra long torso decides to tentatively become allies with The Huntress and her extra long torso. Mostly at the insistence of Black Canary and her extra long torso who realizes that Nightfell is really a Birds of Prey type of problem. But not so much a Birds of Prey type of problem that they need to tell Condor about it. Black Canary's probably just trying to find ways to get away from that jerk. I bet as soon as she saw The Huntress appear with that crossbow, she was thinking of ways to arrange for a little crossbow accident involving Condor. Okay, maybe that was me thinking that.

Batgirl's plan of attack is to get information on Bleak Michael from Alysia since Alysia was hired by him for that job that got Ragdolled.

I knew she knew! It's the smell! You don't room with somebody and not know all of their smells! Unless it was the way Babs always mutters "I'm Batgirl!" whenever she successfully opens a jar.

I guess Alysia isn't as smart as Lex Luthor like I was hoping because she merely thinks Babs works undercover for the Gotham Police. Anyway, she helps Babs get a lead on Bleak Michael.

Instead of using whatever information Alysia has, The Birds of Prey decide to ambush him in the Three Towers Parking Garage. Seriously, they needed Alysia for that information? I guess they needed to know which car he drove so they could set up the attack. I bet his license plate says "TOXIC" or "GASMAN" or "ACDFTSH". They catch him easily enough because The Huntress has Earth 2 Batman training!

Come on, Birds! You know how it works! Bleak Michael won't talk until Knightfall tries to have him killed so that he won't talk!

Nightfell's men try to kill Bleak Michael and then he talks! See, Batgirl? You have to remember how these things always go down! That way, you could have just created a scenario by paying some of Alysia's friends to pretend to try to kill Bleak Michael. This way, you had to rely on Nightfell's time table.

Is everybody thoroughly annoyed yet that I keep calling Charise Nightfell? It's a holdover from earlier Batgirl Diary commentaries that I just can't drop!

Bleak Michael informs the Birds that in fifteen hours, Charise is going to have all the criminals in Cherry Hill killed because she's hired an army of mercenaries. So Batgirl calls in some favors with Detective McKenna, Katharsis, and the woman that has her own army trying to take down Charise Carnes. She also calls up Batman to borrow some of his equipment even though she's kind of been treating Batman like crap since Death of the Family. But that's okay. Batman expects his Batkids to be angry with him more often than not. And let's face it, he's not one to let emotions get in the way with protecting his city, is he? I'm just glad nobody made a call to Condor.

Batgirl #33 Rating: No change. I wonder how Charise is going to feel about Katharsis joining the fray on Batgirl's side? I hope Katharsis meeting Black Canary leads to Katharsis joining the Birds of Prey and Condor getting the boot! Or better yet, the axe! Right in the face! Multiple times! Over and over and over! HACK HACK HACK HACK! Um. I'm not a fan of Condor.