Saturday, July 5, 2014

Batwing #33

Lucas Fox discovers David Zavimbe's stash of Dexatrim.

Batwing was slightly interesting for a little bit early on when Judd Winick was writing it. It was probably because he hilariously appended "again" to every outrageous sentence he could think to have David say. "I've gotten my pubes stuck in the bat rocket mechanism! Again!" "A child butcher just chopped off my dog's head! Again!" "The citizens of the Democratic Republic of Congo have been lied to and manipulated by a fascist monster! Again!" The comic didn't last long at slightly interesting and quickly became simply boring for a time. But simply boring was far better than horribly depressing which is what's happened lately with Lucius Fox's family falling apart! Hopefully this will be a one-shot comedic, drug-fueled romp through Gotham so we can forget about Luke's sister's current condition.


Okay, so it seems to be starting off a little heavy with a disfigured ex-guard telling the story about the most frightening prisoner to ever grace the cells in Blackgate Prison. But isn't that what's keeping the mood light? The tone is too heavy! The situation utterly ridiculous! It's the perfect set-up for a convoluted urban legend to be told. The guard's eyes probably aren't even missing! He probably went to an elementary school carnival earlier in the day to stalk young children and decided to get his face painted. He'll probably end the story by standing up and pulling down the zipper on his fly where he's hidden a half-eaten churro from the fair and he'll yell, "Gruesome George took my penis! He took ALL the penises!"

The story is about a guy named George that was abused by his father and took to fighting because that was how he had earned love from his father. He would saunter around Gotham busting heads and saying, "Daddy! Daddy! Look at me! Your boy! Your champ!" Then he'd saunter around Blackgate's showers going, "Daddy! Daddy! Just look at old Georgie Peorgie! Kickin' ass and makin' girls cry!" Later he sauntered about Gotham Police Headquarters beating cops in the face saying, "Daddy! Daddy! Ain't no man in Gotham tough enough for little old Georgy!" And finally, he didn't saunter around Arkham at all, not saying, "Daddy! Daddy! What the fuck happened? Where am I? Why is there nobody to fight?" He didn't saunter because he was in a straight jacket and he didn't speak because he was fucked up on perconuts and diazazenes! But then he saw Batman on the television and thought, "Daddy! Daddy! I'll take out Batman and you'll finally love me!"

And that's where the homeless guy's story ends and Batwing's story begins. Darn. I was really hoping for the churro ending.

Jesus, Batwing's mom! You're bringing down the whole vibe! Stop making me think about birthday cake that will go unnoticed and uneaten!

I keep wanting to call Tam "braindead" but then I think I'm going to offend everybody and everyone will jump down my throat! "She's not braindead! She's negatively sentient!" "She's currently abstract!" "Tam's taking some intellectual downtime!" It's not that I'm against using sensitive terminology for whoever wants their terminology to be sensitive, it's just that I don't really see a whole lot of use in it. The problem is words aren't inherently negative until a culture begins using them in a negative way. They're simply neutral descriptors to communicate a concept from one person to another. But the commonly accepted neutral descriptor will eventually, over time, begin to be used negatively by certain people to describe people that possess none of the actual qualities being communicated by the neutral descriptors! Over time, the neutral descriptor will have lost all function as a neutral descriptor and tend mostly to be used as an insult. Which means a new neutral descriptor will have to be coined. Of course, people will eventually use the new neutral descriptor in negative ways and sully the neutrality of it as well. So a new word will need to be coined! And so on, and so forth. Now, I don't actually think anybody would be offended if you call somebody that has no brain activity "braindead." But since I often describe people in fraternities as "braindead," I could very well be wrong! Maybe I should just say Tam isn't feeling very well and just leave it at that.

Luke pisses off his mother and father while on the phone with them because he's against his sister Tam not experiencing her party which all her friends will be at and he's decided God sucks so he isn't going to church anymore and he doesn't have a job and isn't enrolled in school. So his mother and father are really fucking disappointed with him. Again!

My literary motif sense is tingling!

I was just making up all of that daddy stuff because it kind of fits and every other character in the DC Universe has daddy issues, so why not Gruesome George. But now I see why Gruesome George is being spotlighted! Because he's trying to attract the love of his daddy by dressing up as a bat and fighting crime! Does that sound like anybody else in this comic book? No, not Tam, you sadistic assholes! Come on, you can guess? Think about who else has been in the comic book so far? Think about whose name is on the cover? That's it! That's it exactly! Batwing! You're right!

Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping!

He's got a fucking point, Batwing. Who gets to say who's allowed in the vigilante club?

Looks like Gruesome George admired Batman not because he wanted to kick his ass but because he realized Batman gets to kick ass every night and stay out of jail at the same time! Is that why Gruesome George needs to be arrested? Because he enjoys what he's doing a little too much? We all know Batman loves it as well! Even if Batman doesn't actually love breaking bones, you know he gets rock hard erections from getting violent criminals off the streets. Gruesome George is basically doing the same thing! I don't think he's any less harmful than the other Gotham City Transit vagrants.

Batwing knocks out Gruesome George and calls the police and emergency medical technicians. He then skedaddles back home to get ready for Tam's birthday tomorrow. I hope he doesn't forget the cake! Again!

After Batwing leaves, the police and EMTs meet Gruesome George's churro eating buddies. And you know what I mean by "churro," right?!

As if Gotham doesn't have enough trouble, now it has to deal with demon goat lizard men?

Batwing #33 Rating: +2 Ranking. Why does this always happen? Whenever DC has cancelled a comic book that I'm not really into, it always picks up and becomes thoroughly enjoyable in its final story arc! Perhaps it frees up the writers to do stories they normally wouldn't feel comfortable doing if the character had to continue on to more adventures. Perhaps it's just freeing because the editors walk away early to work on more pressing projects. Maybe it's just the writers are able to fully concentrate on the story being told and aren't worried about subplots and continuing drama between minor characters. I have no idea! But I finally enjoyed an issue of Batwing! Again!

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