Harley Quinn Invades Comic-con International San Diego #1

I don't even know why I'm doing commentary on this issue.

I figured I'd discuss some of the times I've been to the San Diego Comic-con and maybe scan in a few pictures. That's when I began to realize that my memory is truly, truly awful. I remember going in 2000. I also remember going in 1998. But as I was digging through my shitty memory-abilia box, I discovered a pass to the 1996 Comic-con as well. At that point, I realize that I've conflated the 1996 and 1998 trips but upon realizing they were separate trips, I could remember what was different about each trip. But then I found this pass as well:

I am not Larry Stern and I have never worked for Rising Sun Creations.

My friend and cohort, Upright, was going to school at UCSD and he knew somebody (probably Dan Santat who was his housemate in 96 or 97 or something) who knew somebody who was able to get us these exhibitor passes for Comic-con that year. So even though I have been telling people for years that I went to two Comic-cons, apparently I've been to four: 1996, 1997, 1998, and 2000.

Here are my badges for '96 and '98. I can't find my badge for 2000. It had dinosaurs on it or something. The Chris Ware badge is awesomes.

Anyway, Harley Quinn seems to be going to Comic-con 2014 which is where some of you might actually be right now. Fuck. It's been 14 years since I've been to one? Which means it's been 14 years since I walked out of a panel about the film version of Elfquest. Marv Wolfman is a liar! He assured me it would be out in a few years! The main reason I walked out of the panel though was because there were better things to do at Comic-Con than watching raving Elfquest fans blow the Pinis.

Yay! Ambush Bug the Movie! Boo! Nicolas Cage as Ambush Bug!

Harley has traveled to the Comic-con with her freak show housemates. They're exhibiting something or other. Fifteen years ago, I'd say there were selling toys, games, or comics. But now? They could be selling anything! Comic-con deals with a bit more than comics these days.

Harley, at least, has come to have a fangasm and also to show her comic book art to jerko writers like Gail Simone who will be all, "Oh it's shite, you daft twat!" Oh wait. I think I mixed up Gail Simone with Grant Morrison. Or maybe she'll show her art to Rob Liefeld and he'll be all, "How do you draw so well? Can I trace it?" And then she'll take it over to the DC Booth where the editors will be feverishly Googling "Antarctica" to figure out where the fuck it is. Then she'll go over to Marvel and they'll be, "First sign this contract giving up your movie rights to any character we look at and decide to own." Some of those things might be factually incorrect.

Harley's comic book is called Hurl Girl. I wonder if she ever crosses over with Spewed Dude?

I actually felt bad about taking this picture and not buying anything but what was I supposed to do? I was a broke brokerson! I barely had enough to pay for my garbage bag full of Sailor Scout pornography!

Since it's only Tuesday, Harley has to wander around San Diego eating fish tacos. Although she doesn't eat fish tacos at all. Who goes to San Diego and skips the fish tacos? I mean besides me!

Wednesday is preview night, whatever that means. I don't think they had a preview night back when I was at Comic-con. I don't even think they had a Wednesday night anything back then! I think Wednesday night was for eating the fish tacos.

While looking for the place to pick up her badge, she meets a viking that would like to take her picture. She tells him she would not like her picture taken. That's the way to do it! It's okay to take candid shots of people in costume, sure. But it can also be a bit creepy, depending on how you go about it. So even fourteen years ago, I knew it was best to ask if I could get a picture of somebody instead of just being sneaky. To be fair, I had a real fucking camera back then and not a phone.

Here are some pictures of people I took back in 2000.

I thought this guy in the white shirt was really interesting but fucking Catwoman photobombed my picture.


This is a little known independent hero named Webby Guy or something.


I don't know who this is but I should have found out where she was partying later because she seemed like a lot of fun. Plus, how do you keep a skirt that short in place? Velcro?


I'm not sure if Sailor Saturn was in character or about to kill me.


And finally, here are Seven of Nine and Mr. Spock.

Once Harley gets inside, she makes her way to the DC Comics booth because I think that's the only comic book company booth at the DC Universe Comic-con! It would be weird if she tried to get a job with Marvel, right? I don't think DC has any qualms about showing Marvel editors speaking with Harley. I just think Amanda Connor and Jimmy Palmiotti wouldn't know how to portray normal human beings.

Harley gets kicked out for pantsing Batman which never happened any of the many times I pantsed myself while at the Con. Afterward, Cheetah tells her that The Joker will be waiting for her at a 7 o'clock panel. So she breaks back in and winds up banging a room full of people in Joker costumes.

Or maybe she just made eye contact with them.

Later she has an adventure with a bunch of other Harley Quinns. Then she goes back to the Con. Then she gets kicked out again. Then she goes back. Then she gets kicked out. Then she does more crazy stuff. It's just like being at the real Comic-con! Except with less drugs and goat masturbators!

Notice how DiDio specifically says "south pole" since he, like everyone else at DC Comics, has no idea if the Arctic or the Antarctic is in the southern hemisphere.

Comic book Dan DiDio continues with the smartest decision he's ever made, probably because he's being written by actual writers instead of being allowed to vomit forth his own stupid beliefs and scumbag opinions!

I'd buy that line in a heartbeat! No, faster!

I think Harley Quinn takes a potshot at Marvel after she's hauled away from Dan DiDio but it's hard to tell. Is Marvel not looking for anything New or Original? I'd have to say Marvel and DC both aren't really looking for New and Original. What they're really looking for (and it seems Marvel might be doing this more than DC right now) are just good writers and artists to continue to write the same old fucking characters. Now Image is currently doing some new and original shit all over the place. Which is weird because I remember when Image first formed with the motto: "Let's do what Dave Sim is doing but sell a shit-ton more comics than he'll ever sell with far worse art and stories!" You have to hand it to them, they stuck to that motto and it worked!

Finally on Saturday, Harley wins a portfolio review with Jim Lee! He'll probably look at it and tell her everybody needs more squiggly lines on their faces.

For some reason, he likes Harley's art and then it's Sunday! And Harley meets her heroes, a couple of nobody hacks named Bruce Dini and Paul Timm or something. Who cares! What have they ever done that's ever been important to anybody?! Probably nothing, that's what!

Th-th-th-that's all folks!