Batwoman #33

Why didn't "Murderbang" make the cover? Or was his name "Slaypow"? "Deathbullet"? "Gunviolence"?

I currently have too many followers which isn't good for the environment. The more people that read my blog, the more bandwidth is used. The more bandwidth used, the more air conditioners have to be set up to cool the servers housing my spectacularly interesting blog posts. The more air conditioners blowing, the more energy used. The more energy used, the more...well, I don't know. I think eventually one of my sentences winds up pointing out how we're doing something negative to the environment. Not that anybody particularly cares about the environment! But they do care about living and it's nice to maintain an environment that sustains human life. So for my part in helping maintain a lower humidity living environment, I'm going to have to say some very unpopular things so that followers will get angry with me and stop following. Be prepared to be shocked and offended!

Puppies are fugly assholes.

Capitalism is simply communism with more expensive make-up on.

Your side of the political debate is full of insincere pleas and poorly thought out ideas.

Reality television shows are fantastic and unmatched forms of entertainment.

Marvel comics are way better than DC Comics and always have been at all times forever.

The original Star Wars movie was a piece of shit.

Homosexual sex is for queers.

The three most contentious religions on the planet all believe in the same God. You know the one. The one that spoke with Abraham. It's the same God, you dodo-heads! Does everyone just believe God thought it would be funny to send different prophets with different messages to all of Abraham's various descendents? Actually, I think He was just trying to keep his word but Abraham was a fucking dick so everything got all screwed up.

God: "Hey Abraham! Your descendants shall rule nations and shit!"
Abraham: "Cool! You hear that Ishmael? Isaac? You guys are going to be big shots!"
Sarah: "Abraham! Get that maid's son out of my sight, you pecker! He's ruining Isaac's party!"
Abraham: "Okay, Ishmael. You heard your shrew. I mean mom! You're on your own now. Get the fuck out of my house."
God: "Wait. What?! Medammit! Are you sure you want to do that, Abe? I promised him a kingdom, you know? Are you sure you want a kingdom as powerful as Isaac's kingdom but run by a guy with severe daddy issues? It'll be right next door, you know?"
Abraham: "Look, God. You don't have to live with Sarah. Let future generations deal with any problems. By the way, did you have to change her name to 'princess'? Went straight to her fucking head, it did."

That should do it! On to Batwoman now!

Kate Kane has a dream that she's a vampire and she, alongside Nocturna, attacked Maggie and her daughter, Jaime.

Or was it a dream?! Usually if you dream you are a vampire and you've attacked someone, it wasn't a dream at all. That's how vampirism works!

Meanwhile, Killshot is somehow living under the impression that he has a cool name. He's also being paid to not assassinate Nocturna. Actually, he's being paid to assassinate her but not when he has the opportunity but when "Miss Witherspoon" says he can. I think Miss Witherspoon is Sophie, Kate's ex, but I can't be certain because my memory with names isn't so great. I'm much better with faces but since Miss Witherspoon currently has guacamole and cucumbers on her face, I don't recognize her.

While Nocturna sexes up a society function, Kate Kane decides to seek invaluable wisdom from her psychiatrist.

Oh yeah. That's money well spent.

It actually doesn't matter how good Kate's psychiatrist is since she's not really letting go and embracing the process. So he can say as much obvious bullshit as he wants and it's not going to matter. Kate needs a psychiatrist that deals exclusively with superheroes so she can be honest with her. I'm sure one must exist somewhere. Probably a supervillain though.

This format worked earlier, so why not stick with it: While Nocturna sexes up the man she met at the society function, Kate Kane calls Maggie's ex-husband because she can't help making situations worse than they already are. She might need therapy. Um, proper therapy! Not some guy that says things like, "Dreams aren't really real!" and "Perhaps you have ze issues mit Ihre Mutter?"

Jesus Christ! Are you not even listening to your therapist? Remember how you have a problem with control issues? Fucking narcissist! You did not cause the relationship problems between these people and you do not have to solve them either!

Nocturna's brand new fiancé winds up getting shot by Killshot because he sucks at the aiming part of shooting people with a rifle. At least his name holds true and the person he shoots, he kills. Perhaps "Crackshot" would have been a better moniker to work toward? Or "Deadeye"? But for now, he's just a useless twat amongst a city full of people that are more than capable of shooting the correct person.

Batwoman hears the shot and descends upon Killshot like a Batman. But there's a complication since Night-Thief descends upon Killshot like a Batman as well. Night-Thief might be a worse name than Killshot. I wouldn't have guessed Marc Andreyko was going to try to come up with a shittier name but he went for it and succeeded! Nice one!

Oh, and then Nocturna descends upon all the descending Batmen like a descending Batman. But the big fight won't come until next issue. And by "the big fight," I mean when Maggie finds out Kate called her ex-husband.

Batwoman #33 Rating: No change. I sure wish Batwoman made better decisions in her life! No wonder she loves running around as Batwoman since she feels in control as that persona. In her personal life, she's trying to control everything but failing miserably because she seems to forget that other people are, in fact, other people! They get to make decisions and mistakes all by themselves! I don't think Kate needs a therapist; I think she needs a pot brownie every now and again. Chill out, lady!

What are the laws regarding pot in Gotham? And if they're lenient, what does Batman think of them?