Robin Rises Omega #1

The first thing on my mind, seeing how the last issue of Batman and Robin ended with Glorious Godfrey's sudden appearance, is this: "What the fuck does Apokolips want with Damian Wayne?" Actually the first thing on my mind is, "Why can I not get any sleep? I have to work all night tonight and I'm running on fumes here?" and "Am I in any condition to take this comic book seriously?" and "What has become of my life?" and "I'd really like to eat a pizza covered in tacos right now."

The next thing I think (I'd say second thing but I just listed a whole bunch of shit, so it's probably more like the tenth or fifteenth), as I open this comic book, is this: "Why does the cover call this book 'Robin Rises Omega' when the title page clearly states that it's called 'Robin Rises Red Dawn Omega'?"

And now I'm second guessing whether or not I should be reviewing comic books. Shouldn't I be making declarative statements about the text and art instead of asking rhetorical question after rhetorical question (the most rhetorical of them all being the "What has become of my life?" question because I damn well know what's become of my life and the only thing that can ease the shame and guilt I feel due to my horrible decisions is a taco pizza)? Okay. Time to saddle up my self-confidence and take the bull by the horse! Now, where did I put that saddle? Come to think of it, where the hell did I leave my self-confidence?! Oh yeah, I remember. College.

This issue begins with Batman learning an important lesson about taking the used Bat-condom with him instead of dumping it in the bathroom wastebasket tucked into an empty toilet paper roll.

I thought Batman always fucked with the cowl on. "DON'T LOOK AT MY FACE!"

As Batman continues the Damian Wayne history lesson, he acknowledges that he was once struck by an Omega Beam and lost in time. I don't have an issue with DC's reboot but it's moments like this where DC really gets into trouble. Because this single moment knocks down a hell of a lot of Preboot dominoes that will lead fans to ask a lot of questions that DC probably doesn't want them asking. Best to just assume that Batman was trying to put together an Ikea Bedroom set for Damian when he knocked over what he thought was a cool nightlight he let Damian use but which actually turned out to be a weapon from Apokolips which went off and blasted him in the face. Then when Dick took over the role of Batman for a year, he probably just sat around Wayne Manor playing video games with Damian instead of going on all the Preboot adventures he supposedly went on with Damian. That's why Damian likes Dick so much! Because they just sat around eating candy and playing video games while living off the fat inheritance they both got from Bruce's death.

Batman covers some of the highlights of his life with Damain since The New 52 began. It's a nice refresher if you ignore the fact that it's Tomasi pointing out what a great job Tomasi did writing Batman and Robin over the last couple of years. Aw, he deserves to pat himself on the back! Batman and Robin has consistently been the most heartfelt book of The New 52, which is strange since it's also been the book with the most on-panel decapitations!

And after the recap is over, back to the confrontation between Godfrey and Batman!

Godfrey doesn't want Damian Wayne, so that answers the least important of the questions I asked earlier. Godfrey is searching for a fragment of the Chaos Shard. It sounds like he's describing the crystal last seen on Earth-2 in the first story arc of Batman Loves Superman. Did Batman come home with a piece of it? Or perhaps the Chaos Shard splintered into all of the 52 universes? Perhaps the crystal Ra's has been using on the Lazarus Pits is the fragment Godfrey is looking for.

Which it is and the crystal is currently in Damian's casket. Whoops.

Doesn't Frankenstein get a say?

A battle breaks out and it's a good thing Batman has Frankenstein and Ra's on his side since they have no qualms about killing. I don't know what Batman's policy on killing parademons is but I think it's fairly liberal. Superman definitely didn't have a problem with killing them back when he first encountered them in Justice League. But will Batman kill invading aliens that look human, like Godfrey and his armored warriors? I think he'd have to resort to broken jaws and bruised internal organs for those guys.

Even after this panel, I'm not sure how Batman feels about killing parademons. I'm fairly certain he's done worse than this to one of the Tweedle brothers.

Now how is all of this fighting going to result in the resurrection of Damian? Ra's already soaked him in the pit that should bring him back to life in 24 hours but without his memory. So if the contents of the sarcophagus are spilled before then, does that mean he'll retain his memory but be kind of decayed and gross? Or perhaps Godfrey will sprinkle a little anti-life equation on Damian and Talia so that they'll step out of the caskets, leaving him free to retrieve the Chaos Shard without Ra's and Bats getting all pissy.

During the fight, four extra chunky Parademons fly off with the caskets and Frankenstein. Ra's and Batman hitch a ride on the caskets and in the ensuing sky battle, Frankenstein loses an arm while Ra's and Talia plummet into a crevice in the ice. Batman crashes to the ground with Damian's casket which comes open enough to dislodge the Chaos Shard. Batman picks it up and remembers his trip to Earth-2 while also getting a memory of the future in which Damain saves everyone. And then Godfrey arrives, takes the crystal and is about to shoot Batman in the head. He doesn't make a long-winded speech but he does speak just a little bit too long, allowing the Justice League to arrive! And Captain Cold saves Batman's life because Captain Cold is the best member of the Justice League ever.

You want to know who the worst member is? In all continuities ever? You probably think I'm going to say Vibe or Steel or Godiva, aren't you? Oh, who am I kidding! You all know I'm going to say Aquaman!

But...but...but...they were in the mountains near Nanda Parbat? Where did these Killer Whales come from? What is going on?! What kind of a horrible taskmaster is Aquaman that he'd make these whales trek up the mountain side to hide under the ice and wait for his command to spring this trap?! Poor whales! Aquaman is a dick!

While the Justice League saves Batman, they aren't able to stop Godfrey from taking Damian's body back to Apokolips. Looks like it's time for a cosmic road trip! Maybe Wonder Woman can help Batman get a lift. Will the next issue of Batman and Robin be Batman and Orion?

After all this time coming to terms with Robin's death, finally putting it behind him and accepting it, all it takes is one minor hallucination that Damian still has a part to play in some cosmic odyssey and Batman's back on the obsession train. Woo woo! Next stop Apokolips!

Robin Rises Omega #1 Rating: Normally I love to complain when a comic book spends page after page going back over previous history. But I thought it was well done and this is actually a really good book for new readers to begin following one of DC's most consistently well-written books of The New 52. It seems like it wouldn't be a jumping on point at all but the beginning of this issue covers Batman and Robin #1-32 and Batman Incorporated #1-12 thoroughly enough that I'm now upset that I spent all that money on them. I could have gotten away with spending just $4.99?! Fuck!