Is Batman on the cover because he's going to judge Justice League Canada for not inviting him to the party, or is this one of those "75 Years of Batman" covers?
I suppose this comic book is called "Justice League United" because it's going to star different Justice Leagues started in different countries. Or it could simply be that "gathering to protect the galaxy..." doesn't sound like something with which Canada would involve itself. "Not our problem, eh?"
This issue begins with Miiyahbin undergoing her secret origin as something that's pretending to be her grandfather tells her that the power was always within her or to let go or the crane kick cannot be defended or life's like a movie, write your own ending keep believing, or something.
Definitely not her grandfather since he thinks her name is "Meeyahbin.
That's Twat Lobo to you, J'onn.
J'onn decides that Ace Ultra the Infant Destroyer of Worlds is more dangerous than Twat Lobo. Is J'onn crazy? Ace Ultra is not going to have a shitty monthly comic book coming out in the Fall, so I think Twat Lobo is more dangerous. Destroy him before his comic book can give me an embolism! And kill Klarion the Witch Boy while you're at it. I'd rather he be dead than written by Ann Nocenti. It's simply more humane.
Soon, a third problem even bigger than Twat Lobo crops up.
I don't know much about fashion and I know even less about zeta beam teleportation, but I think I know enough to not trust a teleportation system to some guy that fell for the stirrup collar shirt fashion trend.
If you've been paying attention, there is no last of the group. Why J'onn doesn't think Twat Lobo is a threat, I don't know! Doesn't he realize I'm going to be paying $2.99 a month to read his twatty adventures?! Help a brother out here, J'onn! Let Supergirl kill him!
And Green Arrow can stab a baby in the face. Right, J'onn? Um, J'onn? J'ONN! You forgot Green...ah, who cares.
With Byth out of the way, J'onn manages to convince Ace Ultra that they can help him.
If only Byth had introduced Ace Ultra to the Stranger Danger Campaign earlier in his life cycle. It's never too early to start teaching your child to trust no one!
The speech bubbles could also just have been placed funny. But it didn't look like a mistake.
And then Lobo runs over Supergirl's vagina.
I said "amusing," not "abusing." Pervs.
Twat Lobo rescues Byth and they fly away to be super fucking annoying another day. And Supergirl recovers Hawkman's body and declares he's dead. Sure, sure. And he lost an arm as well, didn't he? He'll be back on his feet in no time. I have got to get me some of that Nth metal.
Justice League United #3 Rating: +1 Ranking. So far, I heartily approve of chili. Also of this team. My favorite part of this issue was when Martian Manhunter forgot Green Arrow, even though that was probably a mistake. But then I have a history of loving mistakes. When I first saw The Goonies in the theater, my favorite part was when Data said his favorite part was the Octopus! But there was no octopus! Man, I thought that was hilarious! The little genius smarting off and lying to the local media! My hero! Of course, years later, Disney decided to stick the octopus scene back in when they aired it on the Disney Channel and it ruined my entire life. That's the exact moment I just said, "To hell with it all." And that's why I'm a petty little asshole on the internet making fun of the creators of DC Comics. Thanks a lot, Disney!