Red Lanterns #20

So many fucking teeth.

This is it! The final issue of Wrath of the First Lantern! It's also the final issue by Peter Milligan which means Peter Milligan is currently not writing any of DC's New 52. I hope that will change quickly. I don't actually follow news on future comic books to avoid all possible spoilers, so he might be queuing up to write another title already. If he is, I'm sure somebody will let me know.

Thankfully this issue begins with the scene where Arkillo tells Atrocitus that Sinestro left one last Guardian for him to take his anger out on. I have a feeling this issue is about to get all tortury and super violent. And it does! Just not on Oa.

This guy is still a step up from dating a Red Lantern.

Hopefully Rankorr will kill this guy in front of Kim and then expect her to want to continue dating him. Of course her response had better just be to slap the shit out of Rankorr. Rankorr needs to realize that he is this guy now. He can't be a compassionate Bearer of Anger. If his emotion was compassion, he should be an Indigo Lantern. Hmm. That probably might actually happen seeing as how all of the Indigo Lanterns are ex-murderer dickcakes anyway. My guess is he'll accept his fate as a Red Lantern once Kim tells him that he's no better than her asshole ex-boyfriend.

When Atrocitus went off to peel the toenails from the last remaining Guardian, he sent the rest of his Corps back home to Ysmault. They were greeted by the Inversions. These are creatures with deadly genitalia in place of common facial features. They also know magic. They also hate Atrocitus and plan on destroying the Red Lantern Corps with their favorite spell, Transmute Legs to Dogshit.

It's the only spell I ever bother memorizing in Dungeons and Dragons.

While most of the Red Lanterns are wondering how they're ever going to go out in public again with fecal legs, Bleez makes a stand against the Inversions. When she gives her speech, something strange happens in my head and heart. It's like a plug finally sparks and fires up an engine that's been trying to turn over for thirty years. I see unicorns fornicating with fireworks displays until the fireworks explode their sparkling mess straight through the unicorns love canal, exploding rainbows, glitter, and sugared cereal from the unicorns eyes, nose, and mouth. In other words, I think I fell in love a little bit.

She sounds like me criticizing a Scott Lobdell comic book!

The Inversions retreat after Bleez's tongue lashing. Who can blame them? That cunt gives great what for.

Some people might not like the fact that I use the word "cunt" in a non-pejorative sense and instead used it to mean "a fierce beauty with which I'm completely enamoured." But I'll use words in whatever way I want to use them! I feel like Mouth at the bottom of the well in Goonies except I'm gathering words to my chest instead of quarters. "I'm taking them back! I'm taking them all back."

After chasing the last Guardian for ten pages, Atrocitus finally gets close enough to vomit on him and make him crash into the surface of Oa. He then says a lot more words than a Red Lantern should say. Blah blah blah! Wah wah wah! Atrocitus does consider, for a brief moment, keeping him as his Real Krona Doll replacement. But his anger finally reaches a tipping point after he reads the Yahoo! Voices blurb on the second New 52 Superman trade: "This is an excellent jumping-on point for people who have yet to give the Superman monthly title a chance." I guess that's technically true! At least they don't lie about it being any good.

"Why does The New 52 need a new Superman book when they already have one that sucks cosmic ass?! Just let Snyder take over the regular title so it isn't poo! And give Ted Kord a book in place of Superman Unchained! Also, die you stupid Guardian!"

Meanwhile Rankorr has returned to Earth and is in the process of killing the abusive ex-boyfriend in front of Kim.

I thought the slap would come after Rankorr killed the ex.

And then he kills the abusive bastard.

Rankorr finally accepts his status as Red Lantern. Now I hope he stops trying to deconstruct the job to make it palatable for himself. You're a vomit spewing rageoholic now. Own it! Teach the others how to make constructs and get back to just fucking up the universe. With the understanding that the Red Spectrum's Cosmic Police Force is stupid bullshit, you can be free to embrace it and simply enjoy the work.

Red Lanterns #20 Rating: +1 Ranking. This comic book had some really nice moments. Bleez berating and driving back the Inversions was shades of Ostrander's Amanda Waller at her best. Atrocitus driving his hand through the head of a Guardian. Those Guardians have practically turned me into a Red Lantern over the years from my hatred of the little bastards, so that was a lovely scene. And Rankorr finally dropping his human issues. Now, bring on Guy Gardner!