Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Dial H #12


I'm pretty sure Window Kid is a member of Boy Chimney's super group, House. Or Home. And I guess Roxie has turned into Clown School Balloon Battalion.

Time to see if Roxie and Nelson can defeat The Human Centipede and The Fixer without using their dials! Because Nelson just had an ethical meltdown about how using the dials is unfair to the people whose powers they're stealing. Oh! But I just realized something through clever deduction and detective work! The cover shows them using stolen powers! So I guess he's not as righteous as he'd like to think he is.

At least the first part of Nelson's plan doesn't involve dialing.


The Human Centipede will simply reverse back to a place in time when he hasn't been kicked in the balls but that can't take away Nelson's satisfaction.

The rest of the fight basically comes down to a brawl for the Hero Dial. Eventually The Fixer bitch slaps The Human Centipede to get her (I'm gambling on The Fixer being female) hands on The Dial and The Human Centipede suddenly becomes hurt and indignant. Isn't that the way with human centipedes? They're all so fucking touchy.

The Fixer turns into The Moaning Mummy and shuts down Nelson's Hero Dial with his magic bone screwdriver. But Roxie has some kind of plan that involves turning into a Sidekick. Perhaps she realizes that The Fixer, being a Hero, cannot harm her if she becomes a Sidekick. In fact, The Fixer must love, adore, and protect her! Although her actual motive might be a chance to fuck The Fixer once they connect as Hero and Sidekick.

Roxie turns into a boxing hero named Clench whose super power is to never crap her pants while being pummeled in the ring. But as a Sidekick, she's confused without orders. Until she puts on her mask and cape and simply becomes Manteau.


Punch! Punch! Kick! Hold it in! Elbow! Knee!

Manteau manages to make Zombie Miner (The Fixer!) drop the Hero Dial and Nelson grabs it. Although The Fixer turned it off so I'm not sure what use it will be to them now. Once they've got both dials, Roxie and Nelson make a run for it. They think they can simply hide from The Fixer if they don't use the Dials but The Fixer has supreme control over her Dial. She can gain any power she needs and she turns into The Running Radar Robot. Trapped and unable to fight The Fixer and The Human Centipede, Nelson opens the window of the room in the hopes of maybe escaping. But instead of escaping out the window, help comes through it!


I think Section 8's Defenestrator might want to have a little chat about copyright with Open-Window Man.

Obviously that punch sends them flying out of a window since words and definitions matter. The Fixer turns into the Clown School Balloon Brigade to avoid splatting across the asphalt below. But The Human Centipede isn't so lucky. I thought maybe he could just turn into a bunch of selves that will all end up smeared all over the sidewalk but he survives somehow off panel. My guess is he made so many bodies of himself that one of them survived by landing on the pile of squished organs and splattered heads. The Human Centipede and The Fixer are having a tough time against just Open-Window man, so when his friends arrive, things don't look too good for them.


It's a cornucopia of Dial Heroes!

The Dial Bunch opened a portal from the Lab where The Human Centipede opened a portal to summon The Fixer. The Dial Bunch forces The Human Centipede back into the lab and back through the original portal, closing it behind them. Now The Fixer and The Human Centipede are once again lost across space with no easy way to travel back to Earth. The Dial Bunch, on the other hand, seem to have a Dial that allows them to travel wherever they want. With a little luck, anyway.

This new group have come for Nelson and Roxie. It looks like some answers will be forthcoming next issue. The group is composed of Open-Window Man who is not a Dialer but just himself and Boy Chimney's friend. One member is named Nem and he Dials G for Gear. One Dialer has a Dial with a broken auto-dialer so he's constantly changing. And four other Dialers whose Dials are probably just Hero and Sidekick Dials.

Dial H #12 Rating: +1 Ranking. It looks like Nelson and Roxie are going to learn a whole bunch of secrets next issue! Unless this ends up like Green Arrow where they keep teasing secrets but never reveal any. Hopefully Nem can Dial G for a Magic Bone Screwdriver to get Nelson's Dial up and running again. And maybe this new crew will trade for Roxie's Sidekick Dial so that Nelson and Roxie stop sleeping with each other the way Heroes and Sidekicks always do.

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