Batman and Red Hood #20

At least this takes place before Jason Todd became Not Jason Todd.

Oh man. Bruce Wayne is in for a serious verbal bitch slapping from Jason Todd. I can only imagine what Todd is feeling. He's watching Batman drop everything to run around the world to find a way to bring Damian back to life. And yet when Todd died, what did Batman do? No, seriously. What did he do? I don't remember because that was a long time ago. Even if I could remember, this is The New 52 and Batman might have reacted differently to Todd's crowbarring than he did to the Preboot crowbarring. I'm assuming "crowbarring" would have the double "R" if it weren't a made up word.

I think I derailed myself in that last paragraph. I meant to say Todd probably has gotten his feelings hurt since it looks like Batman wants Damian back in his life while Todd needed to wait around to be resurrected by somebody else. I forget who that somebody was. Talia? I don't know. Whatever!

Batman is currently planning a trip to Ethiopia when Carrie Kelley pays him a visit. She's just as curious as everybody else about what happened to Damian. I think everybody heard that Robin died but Damian has mysteriously been "shipped off to England" or some other nonsense. I guess Bruce is hoping to purchase a little Samsara Serum before too many questions are asked.

I guess she wasn't sure about giving back the money since she cashed the check and is now returning a huge wad of bills.

Oh, ha ha. She cashed the check so she could keep the $1000 she was still owed for the Pornography, and returned the rest. I should probably shut my face hole (or calm my hand branches since I'm typing) and just fucking read the comic book instead of questioning every single panel I read. I wonder how much enjoyment I'm not getting out of these comic books by critically and, more often than not, not-so-critically attacking them every page? I bet they read better straight through without thinking about them! I bet if I just sat down and read DC's comics, I would simply think they're epic and surprising. Who knows? I might have even thought Captain Atom wasn't cat puke on toast.

But if I didn't rant and rave, I wouldn't be entertaining two million followers* on a daily basis.

*Plus or minus two million, three hundred and nine followers.

Since Carrie can't currently speak to Damian seeing as how he's underground overseas, she speaks to the next best thing. No, no. Not Batcow! That's the best thing BEFORE Damian! This is the best thing AFTER Damian.

Hire her, you stupid fool! I bet she likes cows too!

Bruce flouts or pounces his way out of the room. That's when you pout and flounce at the same time. And since flout and pounce are already words on their own, I don't know what the fuck to do to make it clear what I mean! Once Bruce is out of the way, Alfred and Carrie have a civil conversation and Alfred hires Carrie! Not as Robin (yet!) but just to take care of Titus two or three times a week. She's going to be surprised when she finds herself cleaning up cow poop and hairballs as well as exercising Titus.

The hairballs belong to Alfred in case I didn't make that clear.

Alfred the cat! Clarity!

Red Hood is on the cover of this issue because Jason Todd is still hanging about the mansion recovering from his face trauma. He and Batman seem to be getting along just fine. My guess is that this is taking place after all future issues of Batman Incorporated since that story arc probably finishes up just a day or two after Damian's death. Although that doesn't make any sense unless we ignore Damian playing with Roy Harper when Jason Todd puts the Joker's Poisoned Mask on. Because Jason Todd was kidnapped by the Spider Women of Spider Island while Damian was dying. And yet Damian was alive when Jason Todd got fucked by the mask? Why are the worst writers always fucking up the timeline? Don't they have editors to keep them in check?

Fuck it! You know what? Let Canonology figure it out!

Batman tells Jason about the Ethiopian Sniper Club he's discovered because he needs a vicious dog to do some killing for him. Batman doesn't kill and he hates guns but here he is handing Jason's guns to him and asking him to join him on a trip to Ethiopia and winking like a mad man and nudging Todd with his elbow and saying, "Get my drift?"

Batman is also just running over hands, knees, and elbows.

Jason Todd and Bruce Wayne do a whole lot of bonding although they do more maiming and incapacitating. Batman fucks up all the snipers' hands with his new Fuck-Up Snipers Hand Nerves Gloves he had Lucius Fox create for him. He probably told Fox the gloves were for jump starting the Batmobile on cold Gotham nights. Red Hood fucks up all the snipers knees, elbows, and hands using bullets the way he usually does. Batman and Jason Todd don't exactly hug but what else is all this chaos and blood a metaphor for if not for a hug?

Batman didn't bring Red Hood to Ethiopia just for the sport. He also wanted to bring him back to the place he died.

"How long did your body keep? Should I put Damian in a freezer? In a vacuum-sealed bag? Goddammit, Jason! What if he's spoiling*?!" "That kid was spoiled* before you even put him in the ground." RIMSHOT! *Joke can also be used with rotting/rotten!

Just when Bruce was finally reaping some good time groovy feelings with Jason, he goes and ruins it all by hurting Todd's feelings. Jason makes a big fuss about not wanting to remember the day he died but I'm pretty sure he's just pissed off and jealous that Damian was loved so much that Batman would risk every relationship he had simply to get Damian back. He didn't do that for Todd! So instead of hugging, punching happens. Lots and lots of punching and screaming and hurting each other. Finally Jason Todd picks up his mask and simply leaves. He's done with Batman. He's done with everything. It's time to go give up his memories to the little naked boy in the mountains.

And on the final page, Two-Face's coin comes up No Scar. And he says, "No." Is he fucking arguing with random chance again? I know David Finch turned him into One-Face in The Dark Knight #1 but I think Two-Face needs to invest in a die and become Six-Face! Or Twelve-Face if he decides to go with the least used die in Dungeons & Dragons.

Batman and Red Hood #20 Rating: +2 Ranking. This issue had two separate stories that both deserved a +1. I enjoyed the Carrie Kelly stuff and, surprisingly, I enjoyed the Red Hood stuff as well. Too bad Jason Todd is off to Amnesia Island!